>HIS  WIFE 


IX 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 


UNIT.  Of  CAUF.  LIBRARY.  LOS  ANGELES 


MY  AIRMAN 
OVER  THERE 


BY 

HIS  WIFE 


NEW  YORK 

MOFFAT,  YARD  &  COMPANY 
1918 


Copyright,  1918,  by 
MOPFAT,  YARD  &  COMPANY 


TO 
THE  SQUADRON 


2131582 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER 
THERE 


ON  Wednesday,  very  early  in  the  morning, 
Bill  went  to  France. 

"Can  I  go  too — to  Folkestone,  I  mean?"  I  said 
to  the  officer  person  who  stood  just  inside  the 
platform  gates  beside  a  sort  of  desk  where  they 
all  had  to  sign  their  names. 

"I'm  sorry — if  you  were  the  wife  of  a  Briga- 
dier-General you  couldn't,"  he  replied  very 
kindly,  adding,  "One  tried  last  week,  and  she 
was  brought  back  under  arrest." 

I  smiled  back  at  him,  but  I  had  to  bite  my 
lip. 

.     Bill  appeared  just  then.     He  had  been  seeing 
about  his  baggage  and  things. 

"Have  you  asked?"  he  questioned,  and  his 
face  was  quite  stolid. 

"Yes,  ...  I  can't  come,"  I  told  him. 

We  walked  along  the  platform.  It  was 
crowded  with  those  who  were  going,  like  Bill; 
and  those  who  were  being  left  behind,  like  me. 


2         MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

There  were  a  few  moments  only.  We  stood 
by  the  carriage  door  and  didn't  say  anything. 
I  felt  I  couldn't  begin  because  there  would  be 
no  time  to  finish.  I  daresay  Bill  felt  the  same. 

Anyway  my  throat  was  funny  and  I  didn't 
want  him  to  know. 

They  began  to  bang  the  doors.  Suddenly  I 
had  to  speak.  It  was  urgent. 

"Don't  kiss  me  here,"  I  whispered  in  a  panic; 
but  after  all  he  couldn't  have  heard  for  he  bent 
down. 

"If  the  boat  is  delayed  I'll  wire  and  you'll 
come  at  once,  won't  you?"  he  said,  and  kissed 
my  mouth. 

I  nodded  my  head:  the  train  moved. 

"Good-by,  old  boy,"  I  managed  quite  clearly, 
and  smiled. 

He  smiled  too. 

"Good-by,"  he  answered. 

I  don't  know  if  he  hung  out  of  the  window, 
for  I  walked  away  and  never  looked  round. 
Outside,  although  it  was  spring-time,  the  rain 
and  the  snow  came  down  together. 

I  wondered  what  to  do,  and  as  it  didn't  seem 
to  matter  much  I  got  into  a  bus  that  no  one 
appeared  to  want.  When  it  had  been  going  for 
some  time,  I  got  out  and  went  in  an  Under- 
ground. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE         3 

Then  I  remembered  that  I'd  left  all  our  lug- 
gage at  the  hotel. 

"But  I'll  go  home  first,"  I  thought. 

"Home"  meant  the  place  I  lived  in  before  I 
married  Bill.  No  one  bothers  about  you  there. 
You  can  stow  yourself  away  and  arrange  all 
your  things  for  as  long  as  you  like — that  is  if 
you  can  find  an  empty  place. 

When  Purcell  opened  the  door  she  looked 
surprised  first,  then  understood. 

"Oh,  Miss,  has  he  gone?"  she  said. 

"Yes,"  I  answered,  and  ran  upstairs  as  fast 
as  I  could. 

In  my  old  room  was  the  victrola  and  I  re- 
called how  Bill  had  wound  it  up  the  night 
we  slept  there.  It  was  when  we  came  to  town 
unexpectedly  once  and  couldn't  get  in  at  the 
hotel,  where  we  stay  for  sentimental  reasons, 
that  wouldn't  appeal  to  any  one  but  our- 
selves. 

We  had  danced  to  a  ragtime  tune — he  in  his 
blue  crepe-de-chine  pyjamas  and  me  in  the  stage 
of  undress  that  makes  him  call  me  his  "Kirch- 
ner"  girl.  Now  I  put  on  the  same  record  and 
watched  it  while  it  solidly  ground  away.  Just 
as  it  finished  with  a  horrid  scrape,  and  I  was 
wondering  what  to  do  to  make  it  stop,  Purcell 
came  in  with  a  tray,  holding  steaming  coffee, 


4        MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

and  bread  and  honey  and  the  morning  news- 
paper. 

"There  you  are,  Miss,"  she  said,  placing  it  on 
another  small  table  and  dragging  it  over  to  the 
fire  to  which  she  set  a  match. 

I  don't  know  whether  it  was  her  tone,  or  the 
scent  of  the  coffee,  or  the  sight  of  the  newspaper, 
or  the  crackle  of  the  flames — but  all  at  once 
something  cleared  away  the  cloud  that  had  swal- 
lowed me  up  ever  since  the  night  before  when 
Bill  had  come  back  from  Adastral  House  and 
announced : 

"They  won't  give  any  leave — I  am  to  go  in 
the  morning." 

Those  words  had  bothered  me  ever  since,  but 
now  I  remembered  something  else. 

In  the  night  he  had  spoken. 

"You  must  be  happy,"  he  had  said.  "I'll  come 
back  to  you,  I  know.  .  .  .  All  our  life  together, 
our  wonderful  adventures  and  our  work  .  .  . 
all  is  so  clearly  mapped  out  ...  I  feel  I'm 
coming  back  to  you.  .  .  .  You're  to  be 
happy." 

"Yes,"  I  answered — whispered,  you  know, 
like  you  do  in  bed  because  your  faces  are  close 
to  each  other's.  There  was  a  pause.  I  knew 
something  waited.  I  scarcely  breathed,  and  ii 
came  at  last. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE         5 

"And  if  I  shouldn't  come,"  ...  he  went  on. 
.  .  .  "If  I  shouldn't  come,  you're  to  be  happy 
even  then,"  he  said. 

II 

AND  I  have  been  happy — ever  since. 

It  is  as  though  a  presence  is  with  me;  the  em- 
bodiment perhaps  of  Bill's  philosophy. 

He  believes,  you  know,  that  we  make  our  own 
light  or  darkness  as  we  go,  and  his  refusal  to  be 
baffled  by  circumstance  is  not  merely  the  out- 
come of  good  health  and  a  man's  more  sweep- 
ing outlook,  as  I  told  myself  at  first  it  must  be. 

Now,  sometimes,  I  wonder  at  my  calm.  I 
wonder  how  other  wives  feel,  and  I  recall  some 
I  have  known  during  these  years  of  war.  Those 
who  have  loved  their  men  have  been  feverish 
all  the  while — aching  with  loneliness — adrift — 
forlorn. 

r  In  spite  of  work,  or  perhaps  because  the 
labor  they  have  chosen  has  been  too  strenuous 
or  too  unusual,  their  health  seems  to  have  suf- 
fered; and  husbands,  returning,  have  found 
what  I  think  soldier  men  have  no  right  to  ex- 
pect— wives  more  in  need  of  doctors  than  hus- 
bands. 

And  so  I — who  have  rebelled  always,  who 


6         MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

have,  until  now,  refused  to  accept  even  the  in- 
evitable— am  glad  of,  while  I  marvel  at  my 
calm. 

The  first  letter  was  written  before  he  crossed. 
I  knew  it  was  meant  just  to  greet  me  when  1 
wakened  because  he  would  not  be  with  me  to 
kiss  me  before  we  spoke. 

When  Purcell  had  gone,  with  my  head  still 
on  the  pillow,  I  read: 

"Ma  Bien  Aimee, 

"I  discovered  that,  because  I  was  'O.  C.  train/ 
I  had  to  wait  for  the  second  boat. 

"Immediately  I  looked  up  the  guide  but 
found  you  could  not  reach  me  before  it  left. 

"It  will  be  very  rough  crossing — a  sort  of 
switch-back  one  that  would  make  you  giddy 
even  to  contemplate. 

"I  hope  you  are  feeling  as  cheery  as  I  am. 
I  find  myself  in  excellent  spirits — not  excited, 
you  know,  but  buoyed  up  by  interest. 

"I  am  longing  to  know  my  address  though,  so 
that  I  can  begin  to  hear  from  you. 

"All  love,  my  darling  wife, 

"BILL." 
I  pressed  my  face  against  the  join  of  the  pil- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE        7 

lows,  for  that  is  where  our  lips  always  met  in- 
stinctively almost  before  sleep  had  unclosed  our 
eyes. 

At  lunch  time  a  telegram  came  from  France, 
giving  me  the  address,  so  that  immediately  after 
I  was  able  to  send  all  that  I'd  talked  of  on  paper 
since  he  went.  Then  I  had  to  wait  until  Satur- 
day morning  for  all  that  he  had  spoken  on 
Thursday. 

Doesn't  it  seem  absurd — and  yet  so  amazing! 

This  is  what  he  said : 

"My  darling  wife. 

"My  luck's  all  in  as  usual,  for  I  have  come  to 
one  of  the  best  squadrons  in  a  good  part  of  the 
line.  The  machines  are  things  of  beauty  and 
the  mess  is  splendid.  What  more  could  a  flying 
man  want?  I  am  to  fly  a — scout,  which  is,  if 
anything,  better  than  the  one  I  flew  at  home. 
They  dive  faster  and  fly  and  climb  quite  as  well. 
-  "You'd  go  into  an  ecstasy  if  you  saw  one. 

"I  am  longing  to  try  one,  but  shall  have  to 
wait  a  day  or  two  when  I  shall  have  a  new  one: 
all  mine,  like  you. 

"The  weather  is  very  wild  and  there  is  little 
doing. 

"I  reached  here  last  night.     On  landing  I  was 


8         MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

put  on  a  tender  and  had  a  three  hours'  ride  over 
the  hills  through  the  rain.  And  when  I  went 
to  the  orderly  room  to  report  I  found  myself 
reporting  to  Hyatt.  I  was  awfully  pleased. 
He  arrived  four  days  ago.  It's  great  luck,  I 
think,  and  further,  I've  been  posted  to  the  same 
flight. 

"I  know  lots  of  the  fellows  here;  for  in  the 
same  aerodrome  is  the  squadron  to  which  Fitz- 
Garrick  came;  but  I  learn  that  he  went  down 
behind  the  Hun  lines  a  few  days  ago — under 
control,  so  it  is  presumed  that  he  is  a  prisoner. 
Engine  failure  must  have  caused  it. 

"I'm  sorry  I  took  such  trouble  to  keep  down 
my  kit,  for  traveling  was  so  easy  that  I  could 
have  brought  three  times  as  much. 

"But  I  can't  think  of  anything  I  want  you  to 
send  me  except  your  letters  and  your  love. 

"It  is  so  much  sweeter  to  be  out  here  knowing 
that  I  have  some  one  who  matters  so  enormously 
to  me.  I  am  very  happy,  ma  bien  Aimee. 

"When  I  was  in  the  train  and  leaving  London 
I  thought  for  the  first  time  of  your  precious 
tears.  It  thrilled  me,  darling,  to  think  of  them 
— to  remember  you  lying  in  my  arms  making  my 
face  all  wet. 

"I  realized  that  I  couldn't  realize  how  much 
I  love  you. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE         9 

"Darling  wife,  I  am  so  glad  you  wept  in  my 
arms.  I  treasure  the  memory  of  it  intensely. 

"All  my  love, 

"BILL." 

"P.S. — I  came  across  a  topping  book  at 
Folkestone — a  quaint  yarn  about  the  Latin 
quarter — by  a  young  Canadian  officer,  who  also 
has  written  some  quite  good  verse. 

"It's  'racy'  and  therefore  not  flawless,  but  his 
pictures  of  the  quarter  are  lovely,  I  think. 

"By  the  way,  my  next  letter  will  be  addressed 
to  the  country,  for  I  don't  want  to  think  of  you  in 
town." 

Isn't  it  remarkable!  Hyatt  and  Bill  were  at 
Suvla  together  and,  later,  in  the  trenches  in 
France,  where  each  won  his  "little  bit  of  rib- 
bon." Then,  when  both  volunteered  for  the 
Flying  Corps,  they  met  at  the  same  aerodrome 
in  England;  and  both,  having  married  in  the 
same  week,  brought  wives  who  called  each  of 
them  "Bill"  to  the  same  cottage  on  the  edge  of 
Salisbury  Plain — all  by  chance — without  pre- 
arrangement! 

The  wives  were  different  though.  Hyatt 
chose  a  lovely  woman — fair  and  with  perfect 
features.  Her  blue  eyes  gazed  from  dark  lashes 
too,  and  her  brows  were  dark. 


io       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

Usually  I  can  admire  impersonally,  but  after 
looking  at  her  I  said  to  Bill : 

"I  wish  I  were  beautiful  also." 

He  turned  from  the  glass  where  the  important 
business  of  hair-brushing  was  taking  place. 
His  tone  was  awfully  serious. 

"You're  not  to  wish  that — you  mustn't  wish 
that — tell  me  you  don't  wish  it,"  he  said. 

"I  don't  wish  it,"  I  answered,  "but  why?" 

"Because  we're  so  happy — so  content.  .  .  . 
Because  I  love  your  face  just  as  it  is.  ...  I 
wouldn't  have  it  altered  the  tiniest  little  bit!" 

Isn't  he  rather  satisfactory? 

It  was  so  amusing  to  talk  to  the  other  Mrs. 
Bill.  She  and  her  Bill  looked  forward  to  a 
house  in  Kensington  or  Hampstead  and  they  had 
the  furniture  all  arranged.  She  was  sorry  for 
me,  I  think,  when  I  told  her  we  don't  mean  to 
have  a  house  at  all  because  we  want  to  explore 
so  much  of  the  world. 

Soon  I  realized  that  we  spoke  a  different  lan- 
guage, so  I  didn't  say  much  about  the  Studio  in 
the  Quartier  Latin,  or  the  cottage  of  Madame 
Champigny  on  the  Seine,  or  our  winters  in 
Switzerland  where  the  hot  sun  glints  on  the 
snow. 

She  is  no  vagabond — the  other  Mrs.  Bill — but 
she  has  a  lovely  face. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       u 


III 

AN  old  man  is  cutting  the  hedge.  Every 
minute  he  takes  several  steps  backward  and 
stares  at  what  he  has  done. 

The  air  is  soft  and  damp  from  yesterday's 
rain,  but  the  sky  is  blue  except  for  the  fluffiest 
white  eiderdown  clouds. 

I  wonder  if  the  sky  is  blue  in  France? 

The  old  man  who  cuts  the  hedge  has  three  sons 
there — one  buried:  one  in  hospital:  and  one  in 
the  big  new  Advance. 

I  daresay  his  thoughts  are  with  them  when  he 
steps  backward  and  stares,  instead  of  with  the 
bare  places  from  which  the  branches  have  been 
clipped. 

Most  of  the  gardens  we  attend  to  ourselves. 
I'm  the  "Handy  Andy"  one.  You  remember 
how,  at  the  circus,  he  always  trod  on  every- 
thing and  got  in  every  one's  way!  •  A  row  of 
peas  and  one  bean  have  peeped  out  of  the  earth. 

Now  Irene,  that  sister  of  mine,  fills  me  with 
wonderment.  Before  breakfast  she  grooms 
Joey;  and  if  anything  goes  wrong  with  Polly 
Blue  she  just  takes  off  her  bonnet  and  pulls  her 
engine  to  bits — and  puts  it  together  again. 

Then,  without  neglecting  the  family  in  the 


12       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

least,  she  writes  an  article  on  a  topical  subject 
just  at  the  most  topical  moment;  and  in  the 
evening  she  looks  as  feminine  as  a  woman  who 
has  done  nothing  except  care  for  herself  all  day. 

Besides  all  this  she  interests  herself  in  the  wel- 
fare of  the  village,  and  when  the  tractor  plow 
has  convalesced  she  means  to  help  to  plow  the 
fields. 

The  "County"  who  called  on  Tuesday — a  nice, 
large  woman,  unconsciously  humorous — sug- 
gested that  she  also  might  undertake  the  job  of 
Agricultural  Registrar,  as  the  vicar  doesn't 
seem  too  enthusiastic  about  the  work.  Irene 
pointed  out  that  the  need  is  small  in  a  village  like 
this,  where  the  few  women  there  are  labor  on 
the  land  of  their  own  accord — of  necessity,  you 
know,  to  take  the  place  of  their  men;  but  if,  as 
a  matter  of  form,  it  has  to  be  done,  so  that  every 
village  is  accounted  for,  she  will  add  that  to  her 
routine  and  never  turn  a  hair. 

As  for  me — it  takes  me  all  my  time  to  get  up 
and  to  do  my  exercises  and  dress  before  my  tray 
comes. 

Irene  likes  to  breakfast  alone  with  her  fam- 
ily; and  so  do  I,  with  my  casement  window 
opened  wide,  eating  my  porridge  looking  be- 
yond the  trees  of  the  garden  and  the  dull  red 
roofs  of  the  barns,  and  beyond  the  windmill  too, 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       13 

on  to  the  Downs  from  which  comes  the  breath  of 
a  far-off  sea. 

And  I  have  my  letter  from  Bill  to  read! 

No  wonder  I  feel  content. 

Of  course  some  there  are  who  think  it  un- 
becoming to  be  happy  now  when  so  many  suffer 
and  are  sad,  but  I  say  that  there  is  enough  sor- 
row. I,  too,  have  had  some  and  imagined  more, 
but  now  I  will  be  glad  while  I  may;  and  if  it 
should  happen  that  sorrow  comes  again  I  hope  I 
still  have  courage  to  be  glad. 

My  letter  on  Monday  said : 

"Bien  Aimee, 

"This  morning  I  made  my  first  trip  on  this 
machine. 

"It  was  quite  successful,  and  I  found  it,  if  any- 
thing, easier  to  take  off  the  ground  and  to  land 
than  the  one  at  home;  but  it  was  very  different 
in  the  air,  much  heavier  and  trickier  on  the  steep 
"turns. 

"I  did  two  spins  but  did  not  loop.  •  Then  later 
I  went  up  again  for  a  machine-gun  practice, 
which  consists  of  diving  at  a  target  on  the  ground 
and  firing  at  it. 

"The  weather  has  been  very  much  better  to- 
day, though  now  it  is  getting  squally  again. 

"But  I'm  forgetting  the  news.     Hyatt  went 


i4       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

over  the  lines  on  patrol  this  morning  for  the  first 
time  and  got  a  Hun! 

"It  was  quite  comical  too.  He  was  out  with 
two  others  and  when  over  the  lines  got  lost  in 
the  clouds.  He  searched  around  for  some  time, 
not  knowing  at  all  where  he  was,  and  then  sud- 
denly a  Hun  two-seater  came  out  of  a  cloud  and 
flew  at  him.  Hyatt  fired  promptly  and  saw  the 
Hun  turn  over,  go  down  spinning  and  crash  to 
the  ground. 

"Then  he  got  'Archied'  and  climbed  out  of  it, 
guessed  his  way  and  landed  an  hour  overdue. 

"How  are  you?     I  send  all  my  love. 

"BILL." 

As  I  owed  the  other  Mrs.  Bill  a  letter,  after 
breakfast  I  wrote  to  tell  her  the  news  in  case 
her  husband,  man-like,  forgot  to  mention  it. 
But  I  know  her  pleasure  at  his  feat  will  be  coun- 
terbalanced, as  mine  would  be,  by  the  thought 
that  some  woman  suffers  through  it. 

Later  we  tramped  through  the  fields  and  into 
the  woods. 

An  old  man  worked  in  a  clearing  making 
hurdles.  The  sun,  unwilling  that  day  for  the 
rest  of  us,  was  pleased  to  shine  on  him.  Tall 
and  erect  he  stood.  His  earth-stained  clothes 
seemed  a  part  of  him  and  he  seemed  a  part  of  the 
land. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       15 

Gaiters  held  together  by  string,  corduroy 
breeches  whose  patches  even  had  worn  through, 
a  coat  out  at  elbows  and  a  ragged  cowboy  hat 
over  his  tawny  hair — such  clothes  in  town  would 
seem  inadequate,  but  here,  where  the  dirt  is 
Nature's  own,  they  made  the  picture  more  com- 
plete. 

A  pile  of  hurdles  were  stacked;  another  was 
being  added  to  with  easy  speed.  A  blade, 
strong-handled,  an  upright  block,  and  a  curved 
bar  upon  the  ground,  were  all  the  tools  he  used 
as  he  cut  and  split  and  bent  the  supple  wood. 

On  we  went — Irene  and  I  and  her  family  of 
one,  for  Nanny  chose  to  be  busy  at  home  and 
Joey  ran  wild  in  his  field. 

Garry  spied  the  primroses  first  and  the  vio- 
lets, too,  but  for  the  daffodils  we  hunted  in  vain. 


IV 

IN  to-day's  paper  there  is  an  account  of  a  di- 
vorce case. 

Both  letters  are  dignified.  The  happiness 
they  gave  to  one  another;  the  years  of  congenial 
work  together;  the  understanding  and  sympathy 
are  not  denied.  Each  is  grateful  to  the  other, 
but,  as  the  man  says,  "Things  change!" 


i6       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

Now  this  is  a  prospect  Bill  and  I  have  dis- 
cussed. It  comes  as  a  shock,  in  the  midst  of  per- 
fect agreement,  to  recall  that  nothing  remains 
just  as  it  is;  that  two  human  beings  seldom  de.- 
velop  equally;  that  chance  may  bring  another 
woman — another  man. 

In  reason  can  one  hope  to  be  more  than  a  very 
precious  part  of  another's  sum  total  of  living? 

Bill  and  I  have  made  no  vows  to  one  another 
beyond  the  formal  words  spoken  at  the  marriage 
office. 

Yet  we  set  out  with  brighter  prospects  than 
most.  Our  outlook  is  the  same,  our  work  is  the 
same,  our  desires  too,  for  both  are  vagabonds! 
And  what  one  lacks  the  other  seems  able  to  sup- 
ply. Indeed  our  chances  are  fair — yet  we  have 
made  no  vows. 

Tuesday's  letter  said: 

"Ma  Bien  Aimee, 

"To-night  I  hope  to  get  your  first  letter, 
darling. 

"I  did  no  more  flying  yesterday  than  the  two 
trips  I  told  you  of.  In  the  evening,  rather  to  my 
surprise,  I  was  told  to  go  out  on  a  line  patrol 
with  two  others.  I  was  much  pleased  because  it 
was  a  perfect  evening,  and  I  should  have  got  a 
good  idea  of  the  line  without  going  over  it. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       17 

However,  when  we  were  already  in  the  ma- 
chines, it  was  all  washed  out,  and  the  others— 
the  experienced  ones — were  sent  to  convoy  a 
bombing  raid. 

"This  morning,  however,  I  was  put  on  the  first 
offensive  patrol  and  went  over  with  two  others. 

"I  thoroughly  enjoyed  it.  We  started  at  6.45 
in  triangular  formation  and  worked  down  on  our 
side  of  the  line,  crossed  it  at  12,000  feet,  and 
worked  back  north  about  eight  miles  the  other 
side.  We  saw  five  Hun  machines  which  kept 
a  long  way  clear  and  were  'Archied'  nearly  all 
the  time.  I  saw  a  good  deal  of  the  line  though 
I  was  busy  mostly  trying  to  keep  my  place  in  the 
formation. 

"We  were  out  one  hour  and  forty-five  minutes, 
and  I  was  told  that  I  had  flown  quite  well.  And 
so  to  breakfast. 

"Have  you  any  of  my  towels?     I  need  another 
as  I  brought  only  two.     Another  khaki  shirt  too, 
if  you  please. 

"The  weather  is  very  fine  but  rough. 

"All  my  love, 

"BILL." 

I'm  sure  I  don't  know  where  the  towels  are — 
or  the  shirt. 

The  only  shirt  I  have  is  the  one  his  mother 


i8       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

sent  to  Suvla.  Thinking  it  a  happy  inspiration 
she  gathered  some  apples  from  the  garden  and 
wrapped  them  in  it,  and,  when  after  months  of 
travel  to  the  Dardanelles  and  back  again,  the 
parcel  came  to  be  opened  it  simply  knocked  them 
down. 

The  apples  were  no  more,  and  the  tail  of  the 
shirt  had  rotted  into  holes 

After  it  had  been  scalded  and  hung  out  in  the 
air  for  days,  Bill — home  on  sick  leave — com- 
mandeered it  for  a  relic.  He  wore  it  on  his 
marriage  day — holes  and  all. 

We're  rather  fond  of  that  shirt. 

But  I  must  write  to  town  and  order  what  he 
needs. 

I'm  sure  he  must  have  gone  without  lots  of 
things,  for  his  packing  appears  to  be  the  most 
casual  affair. 

Smokes  and  hair  lotion  seem  to  be  the  only 
things  that  matter;  and  I'm  afraid  I  like  too 
much  to  sit  and  watch  him  mix  tobacco  on  a 
newspaper  to  do  my  wifely  bit. 

Besides  I  don't  want  to  get  into  a  habit  of 
bothering  him  with  small  inquiries.  I  think 
wives  begin  to  be  a  burden  when  they  go  into 
detail  too  much. 

Wednesday's  letter  was  simply  a  scrawl  to  say 
nothing  had  arrived  from  me.  It  was  written 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       19 

on  Sunday  and  my  first  letter  was  posted  from 
town  on  Thursday  afternoon,  so  I  suppose  the 
boat  must  have  been  delayed.  Thursday 
brought  a  lovely  budget,  though. 

"Darling, 

"At  last  I  have  your  letters  (he  wrote). 
There  are  two  of  them,  the  first  two.  It  is  so 
thrilling  to  hear  about  you.  By  this  time  you 
will  have  had  several  letters  from  me,  so  many 
of  your  questions  are  answered. 

"To  what  I  have  told  you  I  can  only  add  that 
I  am  more  than  content  to  be  in  this  squadron. 
There  are  some  awfully  good  fellows  in  it:  good 
fellows  both  as  pilots  and  personally. 

"My  flight  commander,  Captain  Romney, 
came  out  eight  months  ago  and  is  a  great  Hun 
Strafer.  Several  years  before  the  war  he  was  an 
art  student  in  the  Quartier. 

"He  leads  our  patrol,  and  I  need  not  assure 
you  how  closely  I  follow  his  lead.  We  have 
tremendous  confidence  in  him. 

"Incidentally  he  formed  a  good  opinion  of 
me,  which  may  explain  why  he  took  me  over  the 
lines  so  soon. 

"To-day  is  a  'dud'  day  so  everything  is  washed 
out.  The  same  thing  happened  yesterday  after- 
noon, but  I  was  up  for  fifteen  minutes  in  the  gale 


20       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

to  try  my  new  machine.  It  is  splendid.  It 
climbed  incredibly  fast  and  flew  level  at  a  top- 
ping speed. 

"All  the  gun-fittings  are  being  finished  to-day, 
and  to-morrow  I  shall  take  it  over  the  lines. 

"I  haven't  said  much  about  going  over  the  lines 
— about  my  impressions,  I  mean.  Well,  really, 
I  didn't  have  any  very  pronounced  ones.  The 
principal  thing  I  felt  was  that  comical  sort  of  de- 
tachment I  have  had  in  other  things — as  if  some 
one  else  were  doing  the  show  and  I  were  looking 
on.  But  I  was  elated  to  be  so  high  above  the 
clouds  looking  down  through  the  holes  on  towns 
and  villages  eight  or  ten  miles  behind  the  Ger- 
man lines. 

"It  was  thrilling  but  not  exciting.  It  was 
thrilling  to  be  all  alone  in  my  machine,  depend- 
ing on  myself  and  good  luck.  (I'm  thankful 
I'm  not  responsible  for  an  observer.)  And  yet  I 
could  not  help  being  astonished  at  the  absolute 
absence  of  emotion — no  anxiety,  no  fear,  no  care 
—except  one,  to  stick  close  to  the  patrol  leader. 

"As  we  were  crossing  the  lines  initially  we 
had  one  burst  of  anti-aircraft  shells  put  up 
against  us,  but  it  was  very  wide  and  we  did  not 
change  our  course.  The  German  A.-A.  shells 
burst  in  black  woolly  balls  and  they  generally 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       21 

put  up  about  a  dozen  all  round  one  at  once. 

"I  told  you  I  could  hear  nothing  in  the  air. 
I  was  wrong.  I  can  hear  'Archie'  bursts,  when 
they  are  near  me.  The  noise  is  curious.  Some- 
thing like:  'Woof!'  Brupp!'  and  if  the  burst 
is  quite  near,  the  machine  rocks  about. 

"On  our  return,  however,  while  we  were  up 
over  15,000,  the  Boche  gunners  got  us  very  well, 
and  then  for  ten  minutes  we  dived  and  zoomed 
to  throw  his  ranging  out  and  came  through  un- 
touched. 

"Then  the  leader  dived  into  the  clouds,  which 
had  gathered  thickly  and  risen  to  the  height  of 
about  9,000  feet.  After  him  we  all  dived,  and 
then  for  nearly  five  minutes  I  saw  nothing  but 
thick  fog  all  around  me.  I  looked  frequently  at 
my  Pitot,  which  was  registering  a  steady  120 
miles  an  hour,  and  kept  hoping  I  wouldn't  run 
into  the  leader  or  into  Hyatt,  who  was  just  on  my 
right. 

-""At  last  I  came  out  at  about  3,000  feet  and 
just  over  our  side  of  the  trenches;  and,  looking 
round,  found  the  formation  about  500  yards 
away  on  my  right.  Except  for  being  more 
widely  apart  than  when  we  started  we  were  still 
in  formation. 

"With  the  mail,  bringing  your  letters,  came 


22       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

my  new  tunic  and  breeches.  They  are  topping. 
I  wish  you  could  see  them.  The  stream-line  cap 
is  quite  all  right  too. 

"Yesterday  afternoon,  after  testing  my  'bus,  I 
went  out  for  a  ride  with  Hyatt.  I  struck  a  most 
lively  mount  who  tried  hard  for  ten  minutes  to 
get  rid  of  me  before  he  yielded  to  coercion. 
Then  my  stirrup  leather  broke  and  I  had  to  re- 
turn. 

"As  the  weather  is  so  bad  to-day  we  may  have 
a  tender  to  go  to  the  Vimy  ridge  for  a  look 
round  the  captured  trenches. 

"Darling  wife,  I  have  so  many  sweet  memories 
of  you  in  my  mind.  I  am  loving  you  just  all  the 
time. 

"BILL." 


To-DAY  no  letter  has  come  from  my  love.  I 
want  one.  I  want  him  to  fly  over  the  edge  of  the 
Downs  and  in  at  my  bedroom  window.  I  want 
to  kiss  his  mouth. 

Irene  has  taken  her  family  to  find  chalk  to 
burn  on  the  fire. 

Miss  Kerr-Kerr  told  us  about  it  yesterday 
when  she  came  to  tea.  You  put  a  few  lumps  on 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       23 

with  the  coal  and  apparently  it  stays  red-hot. 
We  hope  it  does,  for  the  coal-cellar  is  getting 
rather  empty  and  no  one  for  miles  around  seems 
to  have  any  to  supply. 

Thank  goodness  the  summer  is  coming  and  not 
a  long  chilly  winter  like  the  one  that  is  loth  to 
leave  us  now. 

To-day  we  feel  dissipated.  Last  night  a  con- 
cert was  held  at  the  next  village  inn  and  we  sat 
for  three  hours  without  ventilation,  breathing 
hot  humanity. 

The  village  children,  wearing  their  starched 
white  frocks  with  bright  blue  and  pink  ribbons, 
did  nursery  rhymes  and  tableaux. 

Their  faces  shone  and  their  hands,  too,  and 
their  hair  was  crimped  until  it  stuck  out  from 
their  heads. 

We  had  a  song,  about  the  boys  coming  home, 
by  a  very  thin  woman  with  a  very  large  mouth ; 
and  another  song,  about  a  diver  who  slept  at 
the  bottom  of  the  sea,  by  one  of  the  old  men 
who  seem  to  blossom  here.  He  twitched  a  lot, 
but  valiantly  went  through  it  twice  like  every- 
one else. 

Then  came  revue  songs  of  the  season  before 
last  and  one  doubtful  joke  by  an  experienced 
laborer  of  sixteen. 

There  were  piano  solos  and  dialogues  and  a 


24       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

speech  by  the  preacher  man,  who  has  here  such 
a  priceless  opportunity  for  simplicity. 

At  ten  o'clock  we  came  out  into  the  clean 
night  air,  glancing,  now  and  then,  as  we  strolled 
along,  into  the  ditch  on  either  side  of  the  road ; 
for  Nanny,  having  driven  us  in  Polly  Blue, 
backed  up  by  Irene's  support,  had  raced  back 
home  alone. 

The  most  unforeseen  things  happen  to  Polly's 
mechanism,  but  somehow  she  manages  always  to 
do  what  is  asked  of  her.  We  found  Nanny  in 
the  Nursery,  and  there  was  a  jug  of  hot  coffee  in 
the  grate.  We  sat  round  on  low  stools  and  drank 
while  we  told  each  other  all  the  news. 

VI 

THIS  morning  when  Mabel  pulled  back  the 
chintz  curtains  from  my  casement  window  the 
brightest  day  poured  in.  It  was  all  so  fresh  and 
clean  that  I  might  have  been  wakened  out  of 
doors.  Then  later  when  my  breakfast  tray  came 
up,  on  it  were  two  letters  and  a  book  from 
France. 

Is  it  any  wonder  that  I  paid  no  attention  what- 
ever to  the  long  envelope! 

The  writing  of  the  returned  pot-boiler  it  con- 
tained had  amused  us  for  an  evening  in  our  cot- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       25 

tage  parlor  on  the  slope  of  Salisbury  Plain — so 
it  had  served  its  turn. 

Yesterday's  letter  was  short — just  a  note  to  say 
that  only  two  of  mine  had  reached  my  Bill,  so  to- 
day's I  opened  avariciously  to  read  that  still  no 
more  news  had  found  its  way  to  him. 

But  he  understands  that  the  post,  not  I,  is  to 
blame. 

"Ma  Bien  Aimee,"  he  says, 

"There  has  been  no  mail  again  since  the  day 
before  yesterday  (Tuesday),  but  I  hope  to  hear 
from  you  to-day. 

"The  mail  is  much  worse  than  it  used  to  be;  it 
is  taking  a  minimum  of  four  days  to  get  a  letter 
from  home  now. 

"Yesterday  afternoon  I  went  with  Hyatt  on  a 
tender  to  S—  -  and  had  a  bath — a  very  hot  one. 
Needless  to  say  it  was  most  refreshing  and  I 
gloried  in  its  cleansing  and  invigorating  virtues. 

"This  morning  I  was  out  on  early  patrol  with 
Hyatt  and  another  fellow.  We  were  across  the 
lines  at  7  A.  M.,  but  saw  nothing.  The  wily 
Hun  was  under  cover.  The  clouds  had  gath- 
ered below  us  and  we  finished  our  patrol  flying 
over  the  trenches  at  1,000  feet. 

"After  breakfast  I  was  up  for  half  an  hour  on 
target  practice. 


26       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"A  remarkable  incident  happened  just  after  I 
came  down.  Another  fellow  on  target  practice 
was  diving  vertically  at  the  target  from  1,500 
feet  when  his  right-hand  lower  wing  came  off. 
He  heeled  over  to  the  right  but  managed  to  get 
her  level  with  his  aileron  controls,  shut  off  his 
engine  and  glided  down  slowly  and  crashed  in  a 
plowed  field  without  being  hurt.  It  was  a  splen- 
did effort.  I  saw  the  whole  thing  happen. 

"I  haven't  done  any  work.  I'm  busy  reading 
'The  Opium  Eater.' 

"Yesterday,  though,  I  did  a  cheap  parody  on 
the  'jabberwock.'  A  few  days  ago  one  of  the 
much  despised  quirks  brought  down  a  new  fast 
Hun  scout,  quite  to  our  disgust.  Voila — 'The 
Jabberwock  and  the  Quirk.- 

'Twas  brillig  and  the  Slithy  Quirk 
Did  drone  and  burble  in  the  blue, 
All  floppy  were  his  wing  controls 
(And  his  Observer  too). 

'Beware  the  wicked  Albatross,' 
The  'O.C.  quirks'  had  told  him  flat ; 
'Beware  the  Hun-Hun  bird  and  shun 
'The  frumious  Halberstadt.' 

But  while  through  uffish  bumps  he  plowed, 
The  Albatross,  with  tail  on  high, 
Came  diving  out  the  tulgey  cloud 
And  let  his  bullets  fly. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       27 

One,  two;  one,  two,  and  through  and  through, 
The  Lewis  gun  went  tick-a-taclc, 
The  Hun  was  floored,  the  Quirk  had  scored, 
And  came  galumpling  back. 

'Oh,  hast  thou  slain  the  Albatross? 
'Split  one,  w7ith  me,  my  beamish  boy, 
'Our  R.A.F.-ish  scout  has  found  them  out.' 
The  C.O.  wept  for  joy. 

(R.A.F. — Royal  Aircraft  Factory.) 

"You'll  find,  if  it's  worth  looking  at  so  closely, 
that  the  system  of  rhyming  isn't  regular,  but 
neither  is  it  in  the  original. 
"After  Lunch. 

"I  have  just  got  your  note  written  on  Sunday 
morning! 

"By  the  same  post  came  one  from  mother. 
She  gave  me  tons  of  good  advice.  She  says: 
'Be  calm,  careful  and  contented,  and  last,  but  not 
least,  steady!'  Oh,  Fids!  Isn't  she  delicious! 

"All  my  love,  darling, 

"BILL." 

I  think  Bill  and  I  are  especially  lucky  in  our 
choice  of  mothers. 

Sometimes  you  scarcely  could  believe  that 
any  one  living  on  this  planet  should  remain  so  un- 
worldly as  Bill's  mother,  but  he  vows  she  has 
a  little  spice  of  "La  Diable"  (The  French  one) 


28       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

in  her  veins.  It  has  been  discouraged,  of  course 
—by  Dad  and  her  environment;  but  it's  there 
and  shows  itself  in  a  few  saucy  ways. 

"I  get  it  all  from  her,"  Bill  said  once,  and  of 
course  I  understood  what  he  meant — but  she 
wouldn't! 

The  other  letter,  which  had  been  opened  by 
the  base  censor,  had  been  posted  three  days  be- 
fore. The  brand  new  machine  he  speaks  of  must 
be  the  same  he  wrote  of  since,  in  the  letter  that 
came  several  days  ago.  But  here  is  the  whole: 

"Ma  Bien  Aimee, 

"I  did  a  big  escort  and  patrol  this  morning. 
There  were  seven  of  us  escorting  six  two-seater 
machines  and  we  went  about  nine  miles  over  the 
lines  at  15,000  feet.  I  found  that  the  height 
didn't  affect  me  in  the  least. 

"A  brand  new  machine  has  just  arrived  for  me 
and  is  being  fitted  for  a  trial  test  this  afternoon. 

"By  the  way,  I  forgot  to  tell  you  more  about 
FitzGarrick.  I  asked  particularly  how  he  got 
on  out  here  and  was  told  that  the  FitzGarrick 
here  was  entirely  different  from  the  FitzGarrick 
at  the  home  aerodrome.  He  was  much  more 
lively  and  agreeable  in  mess  and  quite  eager  and 
steady  as  a  pilot.  Incidentally  he  was  called 
'lolanthe.' 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       29 

"I  am  still  waiting  to  hear  from  you.  The 
post  has  been  very  much  delayed,  during  the 
present  push. 

"Poor  Cotton,  who  is  in  the  other  squadron 
of  our  aerodrome,  looks  very  miserable.  I  feel 
I  ought  to  conceal  my  own  good  spirits  when  I 
talk  to  him.  You  see  he  crashed  so  many  scouts 
at  home  that  he  was  sent  out  on  a  two-seater  and 
he  doesn't  like  it  at  all. 

"All  my  love,  ma  bebe, 

"BILL." 

The  book  was  "The  Pretender,"  by  Robert  W. 
Service.  I  shall  read  it  in  bed  to-night  for  now 
Irene  and  I  and  her  family  of  one  are  going  on 
to  the  Downs  to  catch  the  sun  and  play  with  the 
wind. 

I  forgot  to  tell  you  that  we  went  to  church— 
except  Irene,  who  stayed  to  finish  an  article.  I 
disgraced  myself  several  times.  First  of  all  I 
went  without  my  collection  and  had  to  run  back, 
then  I  led  Garry  into  the  wrong  pew,  and  he 
followed,  thinking  "The  Aunt"  could  do  no 
wrong. 

When  we  had  been  hauled  out  by  Nanny  and 
things  had  gone  smoothly  for  a  while  I  knocked 
Garry's  penny  out  of  his  hand  as  we  both  tried 
to  reach  the  bag  at  the  same  moment. 


30       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

Then  to  prove  that  we  don't  always  get  our  de- 
serts a  most  unexpected  release  occurred. 

The  family  and  Nanny  having  disappeared 
discreetly  during  the  end  of  the  hymn,  I  had  col- 
lected all  the  prayer  mats  together  with  my  feet 
preparatory  to  listening  to  "Horace's"  oration  in 
comparative  comfort,  when  the  whole  thing  was, 
as  Bill  would  say,  "washed  out." 

That  happens  sometimes.  You  have  some- 
thing tacked  on  to  service  and  you  do  without  a 
sermon.  My  joy  was  improper.  I  hastened 
home  to  my  writing  table,  but  paused  on  the 
way  to  have  a  word  with  the  old  lady  at  whose 
house  we  drank  tea  some  days  ago. 

Her  head  nods  all  the  time  as  though  it  were 
fixed  to  a  spring,  and  her  eyes  must  be  as  old  as 
the  pyramids. 

I  wonder  what  thoughts  pass  through  her 
brain. 

VII 

"Mr  wife — dearest, 

"I'm  so  happy  to  read  of  your  contentment  and 
comfort.  I  have  just  got  your  letter — the  first 
real  one  from  the  country — telling  me  of  your 
room  into  which  I  fit  so  unobtrusively. 

"By  the  same  post  I  had  a  letter  from  Cox's 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       31 

saying  they  have  sent  you  a  cheque  book.  They 
did  not  tell  me  how  my  account  stood.  When  I 
left  there  wasn't  much  in  credit,  but  there  were 
many  payments  overdue,  and  when  I  am  gazet- 
ted there  will  be  8/6  a  day  in  arrears  from  last 
month  to  go  in.  However,  in  any  case  I  shall 
not  be  drawing  on  the  account  until  about  the 
end  of  the  month,  so  any  small  cheques  you  draw 
will  be  all  right. 

"I  was  over  the  lines  for  about  two  hours  this 
morning.  We  went  out  at  7  A.  M.  and  saw  noth- 
ing. This  afternoon  Hyatt  and  I  may  get  per- 
mission to  fly  over  to  another  squadron  to  see 
various  people. 

"I  have  forgotten  to  mention  that  my  ideas  of 
saving  have  been  modified  slightly.  I  told  you 
it  was  a  good  mess — really  it  is  much  more;  it  is 
a  wonderful  mess.  But  it  is  not  cheap.  How- 
ever, I  don't  complain  a  scrap  because  it  is  so 
lovely  to  have  the  comfort  and  excellent  food  on 
"active  service. 

"That's  all.  Remember  me,  please,  to  Irene 
and  Garry. 

"All  my  love, 

"BILL." 

Neither  do  I  complain  a  scrap. 
"My    gracious    no!"    as    Madame    used    to 
say. 


32       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

Indeed  I  find  it  is  most  essential  to  a  wife  to 
know  that  her  man  is  well  nourished,  otherwise 
the  maternal  instinct  would  be  perplexed  dread- 
fully. 

They  amused  Bill — my  spasms  of  looking  after 
him. 

Once,  when  he  was  springing  from  a  taxi, 
carelessly,  before  it  had  stopped,  I  cried:  "Be 
careful." 

"I've  been  doing  it  for  quite  a  number  of 
years,"  he  said  as  he  held  out  his  hand  to  help 
me — and  we  both  laughed. 

Yet  they  love  to  be  spoiled — just  enough  and 
not  too  much — but  that's  the  secret  of  everything, 
isn't  it?  Just  enough  and  not  too  much. 

To-day  on  our  way  through  the  fields  up  to  the 
Downs  we  met  old  Witchell,  wearing  his  best 
black  clothes  and  a  new  pale  green  satin  spot- 
ted tie. 

"That's  to  show  he's  on  his  club,  and  for  the 
time  being  not  a  working  man,"  explained  Irene 
in  an  undertone. 

"And  how's  your  lumbago  to-day,  Witchell?" 
she  asked  aloud. 

"Not  so  bad  and  not  so  good,"  he  beamed,  his 
round,  red  face  creased  with  smiles —  "and  how 
be  you,  Master  Garry?"  he  added,  looking  down 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       33 

upon  the  small  shrimp  who  gazed  up  with  wide 
eyes. 

"Ve'ey  well,  fank  you,  Wit-fel — an'  how  be 
Jack  and  Jim?" 

With  this  opening  old  Witchell  began. 
Many  times  already  had  Garry  heard  the  recital 
of  Jack,  who  is  with  the  Marines:  and  of  Jim, 
who  has  been  with  his  battalion  in  the  East 
"these  two  year  past  cum  May,"  but  the  sprat- 
ling,  all  eagerness,  breathed  it  in  once  more;  for 
he  is  of  that  priceless  specie — the  ardent  listener. 

"And  you  be  goin'  to  be  a  sailor  lad  yourself, 
Master  Garry — maybe  an  Admiral  an'  all!"  fin- 
ished the  old  man  at  length. 

"Yeth — I  do  be,"  agreed  Garry,  blandly,  tak- 
ing his  rank  as  a  matter  of  course. 

Then  it  was  that  the  so  unreasonable  momen- 
tary depression  came  down  upon  me. 

Perhaps  Irene  felt  it  too.  Garry  an  Ad- 
miral! By  that  day  old  Witchell  would  have 
gone;  by  that  time  Witchell's  sons  and  Irene 
and  I  would  be  as  old  as  he  is  now;  and  the 
small  spratling  whose  small  tongue  can't  yet 
command  his  words  would  have  seen  much 
water;  would  have  sailed  far  from  his  world, 
bounded  now  by  the  tall  hedge  that  hides  it  from 
the  road. 


34       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

Indeed  things  change! 

But  have  we  learned  anything  at  all  if  that 
truth  hurts  us  one  little  bit?  Mon  Dieu,  we 
unlearn  our  lessons  as  fast  as  we  take  them  in! 

On  and  upward  we  tramped — our  Admiral 
keeping  pace;  and  soon,  high  on  the  level  of 
the  Downs,  we  came  to  the  sign  of  a  more  im- 
mediate change. 

"Those  are  the  jumps  Curtis  spoke  of — you  re- 
member?" Irene  said. 

My  thoughts  retraced  themselves  to  an  after- 
noon last  week  when  walking  to  "Rutham's 
Folly" — that  weird  tower  on  the  hill  on  the 
other  side  of  the  Vale — we  came  across  a  woman 
who,  till  then,  I  had  thought  of  only  as  the 
manipulator  of  the  harmonium  in  the  village 
church.  Soon  it  was  arranged  that  we  should 
go  back  to  the  farm  for  tea. 

There  the  pictures  first  attracted  my  atten- 
tion. They  were  a  queer  mixture — old  prints 
— sets  of  them — mellow  and  quaintly  designed; 
and  beside  them  crude  modern  pages  torn  from 
journals,  and  drawings  and  etchings  and  paint- 
ings in  oil  and  wash.  One  and  all  included 
those  long  sleek  horses  that  seem  to  slip  through 
the  air  rather  than  run  on  legs. 

Round  the  parlor  table — eating  maize  bread 
and  home-made  butter  and  drinking  cup  after 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       35 

cup  of  tea — I  began  to  comprehend.  The  talk, 
too,  was  of  horses  and  nothing  else.  Even  the 
war  was  mentioned  from  their  point  of  view: 
races  were  re-run  and  each  animal  was  spoken 
of  as  though  it  were  a  loved  child — since  gone 
out  into  the  world. 

"Prince  now — that  day  he  walked  his  eight- 
een miles  to  the  course;  won  his  two  races  and 
walked  all  the  way  home  again,  for  he  didn't 
like  to  sleep  away  from  his  bed.  Once  there, 
though,  he  lay  down  and  for  the  first  time  in  his 
life  admitted  he  was  tired." 

As  he  spoke  the  meager  young  old  man  gazed 
at  each  of  us  in  turn.  Irene  rose  to  the  occa- 
sion. 

"A  wonderful  horse!"  she  said. 

"Yes,  and  he  had  the  pluck  of  twelve,  had 
old  Prince — the  beauty.  You  should  have  seen 
him  take  those  jumps  on  the  Downs!  His  grave 
is  out  there  in  the  field — a  proper  one  he  has!" 
-  The  Harmonium  lady  spoke  with  wistful 
tears  in  her  eyes,  and  even  I  understood. 

These  were  people  I  never  before  had  come 
in  contact  with.  Somehow  I  had  thought  of 
them  as  gamblers  only;  but  now  I  realized  that 
they  had  lived  for  their  horses  rather  than  by 
them. 

War  has  changed  their  mode  of  life,  and  agri- 


36       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

culture  and  farm  produce  now  occupy  their  time. 
The  steeplechasers  are  scattered,  the  riders  scat- 
tered too — and  the  unused  jumps  on  the  Downs 
stand  as  monuments. 


VIII 

"MA  BlEN  AlMEE, 

"After  the  big  budget  of  yesterday  I  had  only 
one  letter  this  morning — from  father.  Mother 
enclosed  a  note  in  which  she  addresses  me  as 
'My  Dear  Boy,'  the  result,  I  suppose,  of  your 
rallying  her.  You  remember  how  we  puzzled 
about  her  meaning  in  the  letter  that  came  on  our 
marriage  day,  'My  Dear  Boy — I  suppose  this  is 
the  last  day  I  can  call  you  that — !' 

"If  she's  not  careful  she  will  provoke  me  into 
marrying  you  again  or  doing  something  reck- 
less. 

"After  writing  to  you  yesterday  I  was  sent  up 
at  6.30,  and  during  an  hour  and  a  half  we  saw  one 
Hun.  This  morning  we  did  not  see  any.  I 
suppose  I'll  come  across  swarms  at  once.  I  ex- 
pect there  will  be  much  more  doing  shortly. 
To-day  it  is  cloudy,  but  one  can  get  up  through 
the  gaps  and  it  is  perfectly  clear  above, 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       37 

"Last  night  I  lay  awake  a  long  time  thinking 
of  you.     It  was  so  wonderfully  sweet. 
"My  darling  wife,  I  love  you. 

"All  yours, 

"BILL." 

I  am  so  glad  I  am  his  wife;  I  am  so  glad  he 
stayed  awake  in  the  night  thinking  of  me:  and 
that  the  thought  of  me  is  sweet. 

But  women  have  to  be  made  of  wood  and  iron 
now-a-days,  I  think. 

Listen  to  this: 

"Darling, 

"I  told  you  that  when  we  did  see  Huns,  we'd 
see  a  whole  lot.  We  did! 

"Our  repeated  failure  to  see  them  was  annoy- 
ing, as  other  patrols  came  in  and  reported  the 
sky  thick  with  them.  Messages  came  from  the 
infantry  and  artillery  stating  that  Huns  were 
about  in  hundreds. 

"But  our  patrol — Duff,  leader;  Hyatt  on  the 
left,  and  Your  Husband  on  the  right — never  saw 
one  within  ten  miles  and  just  said  so.  The 
temptation  to  see  them  at  all  costs  was  growing, 
however,  and  when  we  were  getting  ready  to 
start  again  last  night — Sunday  evening — Duff 
said: 


38       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"  'It's  no  use;  we've  just  got  to  see  Huns,  so 
take  it  from  me  we're  going  to  see  five  at  least 
—in  our  report.' 

"So  we  crossed  the  lines  8,000  feet  and 
climbed  steadily,  going  due  east.  For  nearly 
half  an  hour  we  had  the  sky  to  ourselves;  then 
we  saw  Duff  whip  round  to  the  left  and  dive. 
Looking  down  in  his  direction,  we  saw  Huns. 
Real  Huns!  Four  big,  fat  ones! 

"Two  were  painted  a  vivid  red;  the  others 
were  a  nasty  mottled  yellow  and  green.  But  we 
didn't  mind.  They  could  have  had  blue  hair 
and  scarlet  eyes  for  all  we  cared. 

"Now,  when  you're  on  patrol  and  the  leader 
dives  on  a  Hun,  the  other  scouts  have  to  search 
the  sky  above  and  behind  them  for  other  Huns 
before  following.  It  is  a  favorite  trick  of  the 
Boche  to  plant  a  couple  of  machines  below  you 
as  bait,  and  then  wait  above  until  you  go  down. 
Then  they  dive  on  you  when  your  attention  is 
occupied. 

"Neither  Hyatt  nor  I  overlooked  this,  and  be- 
fore we  had  dived  far  we  saw  that  this  had  hap- 
pened. Five  Huns  were  on  our  tail! 

"We  opened  out,  and  went  past  Duff.  Duff 
looked  round  and  saw  the  Huns,  and  started 
to  climb  dead  into  the  sun  and  forward  the 
five. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       39 

"They  turned  off  at  this,  and  passed  us  about 
2,000  yards  away. 

"We  continued  to  climb  and  circle,  so  that 
we  got  the  sun  behind  us. 

"Then  we  began  to  see  Huns  in  earnest. 
From  every  one  of  the  360  degrees  of  the  com- 
pass they  came.  Still  we  climbed  and  circled, 
waiting  for  their  attack.  Gradually  they  gath- 
ered together,  until  we  could  count  fourteen. 
Some  could  outclimb  us  we  could  see;  but  they 
stayed  together,  and  when  we  were  as  high  as 
they,  Duff  headed  straight  for  them. 

"Immediately  they  split  into  parties,  left  and 
right;  while  two  dived  underneath  us.  This 
was  the  bait  trick  again,  and  we  refused  it. 
Again  we  circled  back  into  the  sun  and  awaited 
their  attack.  It  never  came;  but  all  the  time 
the  west  wind  was  drifting  us  further  over  Hun 
land. 

"The  finish  was  a  comedy.  Duff  made  a 
quick  left  turn,  and  Hyatt,  on  the  inside,  tried 
a  vertical  bank;  but  so  absorbed  was  he  in 
watching  the  rainbow  formation  in  front  of  us 
that  he  turned  right  over  and  went  down  in  a 
spin.  I  thought,  perhaps,  he  had  been  hit,  and 
looked  behind.  Three  more  Huns  on  our  tail! 

"Hyatt  had  gone  right  down  into  the  clouds. 
I  looked  for  Duff  and  could  not  see  him.  I 


4o       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

was  alone  against  the  whole  Hunnish  Flying 
Corps! 

"When  I  stopped  spinning,  I  was  just  above 
the  clouds  at  7,000  feet.  My  spin  had  started 
at  13,000. 

"I  headed  carefully  for  the  sun,  due  west,  and 
home.  Then  I  looked  back.  The  Huns  were 
still  there — just  a  few  dots  in  infinite  distance. 

"Sometime  afterwards  I  picked  up  Hyatt, 
and  together  we  tootled  home.  Duff  landed  a 
few  minutes  later. 

"In  our  report  we  mentioned  that  we  had  seen 
a  Hun! 

"I   find   the   pen   excellent.     Thanks.     Your 
letter  of  Thursday  has  just  arrived. 
"All  my  love,  dearest, 

"BILL." 

"P.S. — This  morning  we  went  out  and  saw 
another  Hun — and  got  him.  Will  tell  you 
about  it  to-night.  Just  going  out  again." 

IX 

MY  breakfast  tray  has  come.  On  it,  in  blue 
and  white  cottage  china,  are  porridge  and 
coffee  and  some  home  made  maize  cakes  that  are 
eaten  with  syrup. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       41 

These  things  are  pleasant  to  contemplate! 
But  the  pleasantest  of  all  is  my  letter  with  the 
post  mark,  "Passed  Field  Censor." 

It  is  a  thick  budget  that  I  tear  open  and  read : 

"Ma  Bien  Aimee, 

"To  continue  the  tale  of  ourselves  and  the 
Huns: — 

"Neither  Hyatt  nor  Duff  nor  I  were  feeling 
absolutely  full  of  confidence,  nor  pleased  with 
life,  last  night.  The  idea  of  Huns  jostling  each 
other  in  the  sky  like  that  was  not  nice  to  think 
about.  Hyatt  and  I  thought  we'd  dream  of 
Huns — pink  ones  and  red  and  green — but  we 
didn't. 

"This  morning  I  started  right  away  to  get 
back  my  confidence  by  going  up  after  breakfast 
for  half  an  hour's  joy-ride.  I  climbed  to  7,000, 
and  then  looped  three  times,  did  about  a  dozen 
violent  vertical  bank  turns  left  and  right,  a  verti- 
cal spiral,  and  a  spinning  nose  dive  of  2,000  feet. 
I  felt  enormously  better  for  it. 

"At  ii  A.  M.  we  went  over  the  lines.  We 
crossed  at  9,000,  and  almost  immediately  saw 
one  Hun.  With  last  night  fresh  in  our  minds 
we  looked  for  others,  but  they  were  not  there. 
It  seemed  too  easy. 

"When  we  first  saw  him  we  were  above  him 


42       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

and  a  long  way  to  his  north — all  going  east. 
We  climbed  behind  him,  and  got  right  around 
to  the  east  of  him  and  dived.  Duff  fired  first  and 
passed  under  him,  and  I  then  went  all  out  for 
him.  I  got  him  dead  in  the  sights,  and  when 
less  than  100  yards  away  I  fired.  One  shot 
answered,  and  then  the  gun  stopped.  I  steered 
away  and  climbed,  trying  desperately  to  clear 
the  gun  which  had  jammed.  I  cocked  it  as  I 
thought,  and  went  in  again  down  on  his  tail. 
At  not  more  than  50  yards'  range  I  fired  again 
— at  least  I  pulled  the  lever — but  nothing  hap- 
pened. Still  sighting  dead  on,  I  cocked  the 
gun  twice  more.  It  was  hopelessly  jammed. 

"The  Hun  had  turned  on  me  now.  I  spun  in 
the  approved  C.  F.  S.  way.  When  I  turned 
level,  Hyatt  was  diving  on  him,  and  I  saw  him 
going  down,  turning  over  slowly  until  he  fell 
into  the  clouds. 

"We  came  home  fearfully  bucked ;  but  I 
pulled  down  my  gun — it  is  mounted  over  the 
top  plane  above  my  head — and  found  a  hellish 
jam.  I  blasphemed  and  yelled  to  myself  all 
alone! 

"It  was  just  this  I  was  going  to  tell  you  about 
just  before  going  out,  but  there  was  no  time. 

"This  morning's  exploit  was  eclipsed  this  af- 
ternoon. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       43 

"We  went  out  in  the  same  way,  and  after 
going  about  5  miles  over  the  lines  turned  and 
spotted  two  Huns  about  2,000  feet  below  us. 
Duff  dived  on  one  and  I  on  the  other.  I  went 
down  nearly  vertically,  sighting  on.  (Inci- 
dentally I  glanced  at  the  Pitot  which  was  show- 
ing 160  miles  an  hour.) 

"I  fired  a  burst  at  150  yards'  range  and  felt 
sure  I  had  hit  the  machine  near  the  observer's 
seat.  I  passed  right  underneath  him,  pulled  up 
quickly,  turned,  and  found  myself  facing  him 
broadside  on.  I  fired  two  more  bursts.  I  won- 
dered why  the  observer  did  not  fire  at  me,  and 
concluded  I  had  put  him  out. 

"Then  my  gun  stopped,  and  at  the  same  mo- 
ment the  Hun  turned  and  got  his  forward  gun 
on  me.  I  heard  and  thought  I  saw  about  20 
shots  come  my  way  and  decided  it  was  enough. 
Out  came  the  spinning  trick  once  more,  and 
when  I  came  out  and  looked  round,  the  sky  was 
bare. 

"The  rest  of  the  story  I  learned  at  the  aer- 
odrome. Hyatt  and  Duff  landed  ten  minutes 
after  me. 

'Hyatt  had  been  watching  me  tackling  my 
Hun,  and  when  I  suddenly  steered  off  he  saw 
the  Hrn  dive  also.  Hyatt  followed  him  down 
near1  5,000  feet  through  the  clouds  and  fired 


44       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

a  burst  at  him.  Then  he  found  himself  800  feet 
off  the  ground  and  decided  to  leave  it  at  that, 
and  climbed  above  the  clouds  again  and  came 
home.  He,  too,  thought  that  the  observer  must 
have  been  done  in  as  he  (Hyatt)  was  not  fired 
on. 

"Duff's  experience  was  different.  After  get- 
ting off  one  short  burst  at  his  Hun  he  turned 
round  just  in  time  to  see  another  Hun  dive  past 
him  firing,  and  three  others  above  him. 

"So  he  came  home! 

"Half  an  hour  later  the  Artillery  people  re- 
ported that  a  Hun  two-seater  had  nose-dived 
through  the  clouds  and  was  believed  to  have 
crashed.  Our  Hun! 

"If  my  gun  hadn't  jammed  this  morning  I'd 
have  had  one  off  my  own  bat.  However  our 
patrol — which  simply  couldn't  see  a  Hun  before 
—has  driven  two  down  to-day. 

"Your  letters  are  so  sweet.  I  do  love  you. 
I  got  your  lovely  long  one  of  the  i9th  just 
after  I  got  back  this  morning.  It  was  so  per- 
fect to  read  what  you  are  doing  and  to  know 
you're  so  happy.  I,  too,  am  very  happy — in  the 
knowledge  of  your  love  for  me  and  mine  j>r 
you;  it  is  still  quite  wonderful,  more  wonderful, 
in  fact,  every  day.  Darling  Aimee,  all  n,  vife. 
(I  like  writing  it.) 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       45 

"Well,  about  the  book;  Irene's  criticism  of 
the  diary  used  as  it  is,  was  mine,  you  will  recall : 
I  thought  it  abrupt,  too.  Besides,  it  is  called 
'Ad  Astra' ;  and  the  Suvla  and  Ypres  diary  have 
nothing  to  do  with  my  being  an  airman.  How- 
ever, I  agree  with  your  idea  of  trying  it  as  it 
is,  and  in  the  meantime  I  may  develop  some 
material  for  its  reconstruction,  to  fit  the  title 
idea  better. 

"All  my  love, 

"BILL." 

X 

FROM  where  I  sit  in  the  garden  under  the 
trees  I  can  see  the  ridge  of  the  Downs  against 
the  sky — and  all  is  radiant  with  sunshine. 

I  think  of  my  Love,  and  my  heart  is  full  of 
joy  because  he  is  mine.  He  is  like  sunshine  in 
my  life.  I  seem  to  bask  in  the  most  glowing 
jnemories  of  him;  and  not  in  memories  only, 
but  in  the  knowledge  that  we  are  with  each 
other  all  the  time. 

I  think  of  our  wonderful  understanding,  and 
again  I  read  the  letter  of  to-day: 

"My  dearest, 

"Yesterday  we   had   lots   of   excitement     It 


46       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

didn't  happen  to  me,  though — my  two  patrols 
were  quite  uneventful,  except  that  I  was  once 
just  on  the  point  of  strafing  an  observation  bal- 
loon, when  I  discovered  that  it  was  one  of 
ours! 

"The  excitement  was  over  the  exploit  of  two 
others — one  of  them  a  fellow  who  was  in  the 
tender  that  night  when  Hyatt  left. 

"A  Hun  two-seater  was  met  just  over  the  lines 
at  17,000  feet.  The  pilot  was  heading  east  and 
our  two  were  going  west,  so  they  attacked  him 
and  forced  him  down.  His  machine  was  faster 
than  ours,  but  by  maneuvering  they  always  kept 
to  the  east  of  him  and  made  him  lose  height 
gradually. 

"The  fight  went  on  for  forty-five  minutes,  and 
finally  ended  on  the  ground  ten  miles  this  side 
of  our  lines. 

"The  Hun  landed,  and  our  people  landed 
with  him.  A  brand  new  machine,  undamaged, 
and  pilot  and  observer! 

"We  collected  the  machine  and  it  arrived  on 
our  aerodrome  just  before  dinner. 

"By  coincidence  the   C.O.   had  invited  the 
Marine  Light  Infantry  Band  to  give  a  concert 
in  the  Squadron,  and  so  we  had  them  playing 
in  the  mess  during  dinner.     It  made  a  celebra- 
tion. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       47 

"To-day  is  rather  unpleasant.  We  left  the 
old  aerodrome  for  another  nearer  the  line  and 
everything  is  upset  and  uncomfortable  at  pres- 
ent. 

"We  had  breakfast  at  6  A.  M.,  and  had  to 
have  everything  packed  by  7  A.  M.  Then  the 
pilots  flew  their  machines  here  and  had  to  wait 
in  cheerless  wooden  huts  until  the  lorries  with 
kit  and  furniture  arrived. 

"Another  fellow  and  I,  however,  cleared 
away  early  and  explored  the  new  district; 
finally  coming  to  anchor  in  a  very  pleasant  cafe- 
restaurant,  where  we  had  omelette,  bread  and 
cheese,  red  wine  and  coffee.  When  we  got 
back  here  and  found  no  lunch  going  we  felt  we 
had  scored. 

"The  weather  is  too  bad  for  patrols;  the 
clouds  are  thick  and  low. 

"I  am  looking  at  your  photograph  as  I  write. 
I  love  it.     I  love  you.     Darling,  you  matter  so 
_-very  much  to  me  and  I  am  so  glad.     Dear,  dear 
Aimee. 

"I  found  myself  wishing  you  were  having 
that  quaint  lunch  with  me  this  morning.  You 
would  have  thought  it  quite  thrilling.  That  is 
what  we  will  do  often.  Isn't  it? 

"All  my  love  to  you,  my  wife, 

"BILL." 


48       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

The  tenderest  wind  rustles  the  trees  and  sways 
the  daffodil  stems.  I  don't  feel  it,  yet  the  air 
is  buoyant. 

Between  here  and  the  rising  slope  a  man, 
clad  in  earth-colored  clothes,  is  sowing  a  field. 
I  see  the  even  semi-circular  movement  of  his 
arm  and  the  shower  as  it  falls.  He  tramps 
steadily,  there  and  back  and  there  again  once 
more. 

I  wonder  what  the  sunshine  means  to  him. 

XI 

WHAT  do  you  think  we  are  doing  this  morn- 
ing? Why — sitting  on  the  sea  shore,  staring 
out  to  sea! 

Where  the  ripples  break  they  make  white 
surf — "wild  white  horses"  tamed  by  the  sun. 

I  have  taken  off  my  dress  and  shoes  and  stock- 
ings. What  remains  is  a  pair  of  wedgewood 
blue  "pantaloons,"  a  blue  jersey,  and  an  enor- 
mous battered  straw  hat  with  a  blue  ribbon 
swathed  round  the  crown  to  hold  it  together. 

Irene  wants  to  take  a  photograph  to  send  to 
Bill. 

I  would  love  to  have  him  here  at  this  mo- 
ment, but  instead  there  is  his  letter,  which  the 
postman  brought  just  as  we  started  away  in 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       49 

Polly  Blue.     I  have  kept  it  until  now  to  read. 

Down  there  Garry  is  up  to  his  knees  in  water. 
He  is  like  a  white  spot  in  the  big  ocean.  Near 
him  Nanny,  holding  her  skirts  high  with  one 
hand,  and  unconscious  of  the  tail  of  soaked  pet- 
ticoat at  the  back,  is  searching  the  shingle — 
for  something  that  may  be  turned  into  food  or 
medicine  or  healing  balm,  I'm  certain. 

Further  along  the  bank  Irene  is  scribbling. 
The  sky  is  blue.  It  is  a  perfect  day. 

I  read: — 

"My  darling, 

"I  had  a  most  lovely  letter  from  you  yester- 
day. 

"Last  night  I  read  it  again  and  thrilled  with 
joy.  My  heart  said  he  had  something  most 
important  to  say  to  you,  but  he  would  not  tell 
me  what.  He  insisted  that  he  preferred  to  de- 
liver the  message  himself  and,  though  he  didn't 
4ike  waiting,  he  said  it  was  more  than  worth  it. 

"  'It's  a  Wise  Heart,'  I  answered,  'that  knows 
his  own  love!' 

"I'm  frightfully  interested  to  hear  of  your 
idea  for  work. 

"With  regard  to  what  you  speak  of,  don't  you 
think  the  material  might  be  used  to  make  'Ad 
Astra'  more  complete? 


50       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"Yesterday  afternoon  I  did  two  patrols,  one 
was  for  balloon  strafing,  but  the  balloons  would 
not  wait  to  be  strafed.  On  the  second  one,  how- 
ever, Hyatt  lost  the  patrol,  was  attacked  by 
Huns,  shot  one  down  and  got  away. 

"To-day  is  dud — for  the  lines  at  least.  I  was 
up  this  morning  for  a  joy  ride  and  to  practice 
'stunting.'  This  afternoon  Hyatt  and  I  are 
going  to  ride  into  L to  get  a  bath. 

"A  new  flight  commander  has  just  arrived. 
He  was  my  instructor  at  home.  Two  of  the 
present  flight  commanders  are  about  due  to  go 
home  for  three  months'  rest,  as  they  have  been 
out  nine  months. 

"I've  only  eight  months  and  a  bit  longer  to 
go.  Hooray! 

"We  are  not  staying  at  this  aerodrome  for 
long;  but  when  we  move  again  it  should  be 
final. 

"I  knew  you'd  hate  the  slip-shod  flippancy 
of  'The  Pretender.'  I  didn't  read  critically, 
but  was  just  ready  to  be  pleased  with  the  'Quar- 
tier'  bits. 

"I  think  I  understand  perfectly  and  appreci- 
ate what  you  say  about  my  being  'free.'  But 
I  find  that  I  am  not  free — not  while  I  love  you. 
Oh,  darling,  it  is  the  most  enchanting  bondage; 
the  most  perfect  happiness  to  feel  that  I  am 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       51 

not  free  because  I  love  you  so  utterly.     I  adore 
you. 

"BILL." 

That  being  so,  the  day  is  more  perfect;  the 
sun  god  more  passionate!  ...  I  thank  him  for 
my  lover  and  his  love. 

Now  where  do  you  think  we  have  been? 
Why,  in  the  sea,  of  course. 

The  cold  water  stung  our  bodies  and  caused 
us  to  shriek  aloud.  Then,  while  Nanny 
scrubbed  away  at  Garry's  skin  with  a  prickly 
towel — standing  herself  in  a  mackintosh  with 
her  hair  hanging  in  dripping  streaks — Irene 
and  I  lighted  cigarettes  and  leisurely  slipped 
on  just  enough  in  the  way  of  garments  to  spare 
Nanny's  blushes. 

The  shore  is  deserted.  Tamarisk  trees  make 
a  screen  from  the  fields,  and  from  Polly  Blue 
who  brought  us  here  before  the  morning  was 
awake. 

Through  several  villages  she  ran,  then  down  a 
long,  long  country  lane,  ending  suddenly  right 
on  to  the  sea.  The  others  had  been  before,  but 
to  me  it  was  a  revelation. 

Wouldn't  all  the  small  children  from  all  the 
big  towns  just  revel  in  this  place! 

Almost  I  could  be  futile  and  persuade  myself 


52       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

that  it  is  callous  to  enjoy  such  tranquillity  while 
others  live  in  the  turmoil  of  war.  Yet  sanely 
I  know  that  my  spell  of  leisure  hurts  no  one, 
and  adds  greatly  to  my  Bill's  ease  of  mind. 

I  recall  the  munition  factory  with  its  cease- 
less activity.  With  horror  I  again  realize  the 
mechanism  and  inhumanity  of  industrial  life; 
for  many  there  are  unacquainted  with  leisure 
— and  by  leisure  may  be  counted  only  the  time 
when  one  is  alert  in  mind  and  body  and  has  no 
task  that  must  be  done. 

But  war  is  not  responsible. 

The  toilers  must  toil  in  any  event.  Work 
without  contrast  is  an  abomination! 

But  that's  ancient  history,  isn't  it? 

Nanny  has  builded  a  fire — of  stones  and  tin 
cans  and  sticks — against  a  bank.  On  it  the 
kettle  whistles — literally,  for  there's  an  inven- 
tion in  its  make  up  to  enable  it  to  call  attention 
to  its  state.  Our  rations  are  spread — pheas- 
ants' eggs  taken  from  their  preserving  jars, 
war-bread,  and  Nanny's  best  friend,  a  teapot 
full  of  tea.  Garry  is  to  drink  creamy  milk  in- 
stead, but  of  solid  food  he  will  stow  away  in  his 
small  interior  as  much  as  any  of  us,  and  at  the 
same  time  he  will  gaze  upon  the  ocean  and  seem 
to  ponder  with  complete  detachment.  So,  I 
suppose,  are  Admirals  reared! 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       53 


XII 

FROM  the  garden  I  hear  the  mingled  voices 
of  the  lawn  mower  and  Irene  and  her  family 
of  one — and  less  obviously  the  song  of  the  birds 
and  the  whisper  of  the  trees. 

The  chintz  curtains,  drawn  away  on  either 
side  of  the  widely  opened  window,  frame  a  pic- 
ture at  which  I  never  weary  of  gazing. 

Inside,  too,  there  is  nothing  that  does  not 
please.  It  is  so  chaste. 

Imagine  plain  cream  walls  and  a  darkly  pol- 
ished floor;  and  against  these  a  single  bed,  of 
Jacobean  design,  and  of  dark  wood,  spread  with 
a  coverlet  of  blue-green  chintz. 

Imagine  then  an  easy  chair,  a  small  book- 
case, and  a  table  on  which  may  remain,  undis- 
turbed, a  medley  of  writing  materials,  letters, 
books,  and  cigarettes. 

A  narrow  full-length  mirror  reflects  a  part  of 
the  scheme.  Two  candle-sticks  complete  it,  ex- 
cept for  a  photograph  of  my  Bill  who — though 
he  may  seem  just  like  other  men  to  the  uniniti- 
ated,— to  me  has  the  most  beautiful  face  in  the 
whole  world. 

His  letter  brings  the  contrast  of  excitement 


54       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

to    this    perfect    calm.    The    first    sentence, 
though,  adds  a  touch  of  domesticity:— 

"My  darling, 

"You  will  be  glad  to  hear  that  yesterday  I 
succeeded  in  getting  a  very  hot  bath.  It  was  at 
a  hospital,  for  aged  men  and  women,  run  by 
nuns. 

"This  morning  the  weather  is  good  for  flying, 
and  I  did  an  O.P.  at  8  A.  M. 

"There  was  another  big  push  on,  and  I  was 
able  to  look  down  at  it,  but  couldn't  see  much 
beyond  the  constant  explosions  of  our  artillery 
barrage,  and  in  a  few  places  the  bits  of  trenches 
where  our  men  were  making  a  new  line  after 
this  successful  advance. 

"You  will  have  missed  a  letter  from  me  on 
the  29th.  We  were  moving  again  and  had  a 
very  uncomfortable  day. 

"At  6.30  A.  M.  I  was  out  of  an  O.P.  with 
another  fellow.  I  was  leading,  and  after  we 
had  been  over  the  lines  half  an  hour,  getting 
'Archied'  very  badly,  we  lost  each  other  in  the 
mist  which  was  very  thick. 

"There  were  no  Huns  about,  so  at  the  end 
of  an  hour  I  started  to  return  to  the  new  aero- 
drome and,  through  carelessness,  took  the  wrong 
direction  and  went  south.  After  twenty  min- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       55 

utes  I  failed  to  recognize  the  country  and  turned 
north  on  chance,  struck  an  aerodrome,  and  found 
I  was  nearly  forty  miles  away  from  here. 

"The  fellow  who  went  out  with  me  is  posted 
as  'missing.'  He  must  have  had  engine  trouble 
or  lost  his  way  and  been  taken  prisoner. 

"During  the  morning  two  Huns  came  over 
our  aerodrome  at  an  enormous  height  and  I  was 
sent  up  to  chase  them, 

"It  was  quite  absurd,  as  they  had  only  to  put 
their  noses  down  and  glide  home  while  I  was 
climbing  up.  When  I  got  to  19,000  feet,  they 
were  no  longer  in  the  sky. 

"The  day  before  yesterday  I  had  a  quaint  ex- 
perience in  firing  on  the  range. 

"As  I  told  you  before,  we  put  a  target  sheet, 
6  ft.  square,  on  the  ground,  and  then  go  up  and 
dive  on  it,  firing  short  bursts  with  the  Lewis 
gun. 

"It  is  rather  trying,  because  you  get  so  keen 
to  sight  properly  on  to  the  target,  when  you  are 
coming  down  almost  vertically,  that  you  forget 
the  ground  is  coming  near. 

"Anyhow  I  dived  six  times  altogether  and 
emptied  one  dram  of  ammunition — 97  rounds 
(bullets). 

"Then  I  asked  on  coming  down  if  I  had  hit 
the  target  at  all. 


56       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"  'Oh,  yes!'  the  gun-room  man  said  quite 
eagerly;  'there's  one  shot  on  the  target.' 

"  'One  hit  out  of  ninety-seven  shots,'  I  gasped. 

"  'Yes,  sir,'  he  replied,  'but  you're  the  first  to 
hit  the  target  at  all.  It's  been  out  five  days  too.' 

"I  feel  I  would  like  to  write  down  to  the  bot- 
tom of  the  page,  just  saying:  'I  love  you,  Aimee,' 
many,  many  times.  But  if  I  did  it  would  not 
convey  my  love  for  you. 

"I  am  thrilled  anew  every  time  I  look  at  your 
face.  My  darling,  I  adore  you. 

"All  yours, 

"BILL." 

By  the  same  post  came  another  letter. 

"Bien,  bien — Aimee, 

"Since  writing  to  you  before  lunch  a  letter 
from  you  has  arrived. 

"I  read  it  and  then  came  to  my  hut  to  look 
at  your  face  again,  and  so  now  I  will  talk  to  you 
a  little  more. 

"The  weather  is  very  hot,  and  I  am  sitting  in 
a  deck  chair  outside  my  door. 

"A  few  moments  ago  an. old  thought  struck 
me  afresh  and  much  more  strongly. 

"I  thought,  suddenly,  as  I  looked  round  our 
little  camp,  of  in  how  many  camps  I  had  sat  just 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       57 

like  that — writing  and  smoking — during  the 
last  three  years. 

"First  there  was  the  Northern  Cavalry  De- 
pot, where  I  felt  a  foreigner  in  England,  be- 
sides a  stranger  to  soldiering;  then  there  were 
the  moors  in  Yorkshire,  where  I  was  pleased 
enough  with  my  surroundings  but  impatient  to 
see  the  war;  then  not  long  afterwards,  sitting  in 
the  sweltering  Gallipoli  heat  on  a  high  ridge 
north  of  Suvla  Bay,  depressed  and  disgusted,  I 
longed  for  France  and  the  'civilization'  of  the 
Western  front. 

"Another  five  months  and  I  was  squatting  on 
the  muddy  floor  of  a  tiny  dug-out  north  of 
Ypres,  with  my  knees  up  to  the  level  of  my 
chin  and  my  spirits  higher  than  that;  then 
again,  as  the  summer  came  round,  outside  in  the 
sun  once  more,  but  this  time  on  a  Bairnsfather 
farm  just  behind  the  Belgian  frontier. 

"There  were  the  aerodromes  in  England,  and 
new  finally  here  I  am,  an  airman  on  active  ser- 
vice. Ahead  of  me  I  see  a  neat  row  of  shining 
silvered  machines — and  the  third  from  this  end 
is  mine,  my  fighting  scout. 

"Last  night  I  learned  the  greatest  cure  for 
war  pessimism. 

"It  is  to  dine  with  an  R.F.C.  mess  in 
France. 


$8       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"The  General  commanding  our  Brigade  and 
a  Colonel  from  the  Brigade  were  dining  with 
us.  Combine  the  ages  of  our  C.O.  (a  major) 
and  that  of  our  two  guests  and  the  average  is 
about  26  years. 

"And  hear  them  talk  and  laugh.  They  do  it, 
roughly  in  equal  parts.  Of  course  it  is  almost 
entirely  shop  talk,  but  it  is  the  comical  and 
quaint  side  of  'shop.' 

"I  looked  on  as  an  impartial  spectator.  The 
picture  was  one  of  youth  not  sobered,  but  stim- 
ulated, by  responsibility:  graced,  not  by  a  heroic 
air,  but  by  one  of  serenity;  endowed  with  un- 
failing optimism  and  avowing  but  one  object  of 
hate — not  the  Hun  but  the  perpetrator,  who- 
ever he  may  happen  to  be,  of  'hot  air.' 

"Nearly  thirty  people  under  twenty-five  years 
old  doing  a  vital  part  of  the  work  on  which  a 
whole  army  may  depend! 

"The  lesson  of  optimism  hit  one  most  fully 
when  one  realized  that  this  was  but  a  tiny  part 
of  the  great  mobilization  of  youth. 

"I'm  getting  horribly  heavy,  darling.  The 
only  way  to  retrieve  this  letter  is  to  tell  you  I 
love  you.  But  I  was  going  to  do  that  anyway 
and  I  was  dying  to  get  to  it. 

"I  love  you, 

"BILL." 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       59 

XIII 

A  MOMENT  ago  the  postman  with  the  ginger 
beard  that  sticks  out  at  right  angles  from  his 
chin,  stopped  his  absurd  donkey  at  the  gate  and 
clambered  down  from  the  queerest,  most  imbe- 
cile cart.  It  is  so  miniature,  seeming  to  have  a 
spring  inside  for  a  seat.  The  old  man  looks 
like  a  "Jack-in-the-box"  when  the  lid  has  been 
opened  suddenly. 

But  between  them  they  bring  my  letters  from 
over  the  sea. 

Was  there  ever,  since  the  beginning,  so  beau- 
tiful a  postman  or  donkey  or  cart? 

I  read: 

"My  wife, 

"I  wrote  last  night  describing  a  great  and 
successful  exploit  of  the  Squadron  yesterday 
morning.  But  on  consideration  I  found  that  it 
-"would  be  unwise  to  send  it  through  the  post. 

"When  the  wheeze  is  no  longer  new  I  will 
describe  it. 

"It  was  an  experiment  in  balloon  strafing  and 
it  came  off.  Six  of  us  attacked  six  balloons  and 
we  destroyed  five.  One  fellow  failed  because 
his  gun  jammed  like  mine  did  that  day,  you 
remember? 


60       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

•  "I  had  eleven  bullet  holes  in  my  machine  and 
some  of  the  others  were  nearly  as  bad. 

"This  morning  we  got  up  against  the  whole 
Hun  flying  corps  again. 

"We  crossed  the  lines  at  12,000  and  saw  two 
quirks  trying  to  crawl  away  from  a  large  forma- 
tion of  Hun  Scouts — all  red  ones.  We  cut  in 
between  and  stood  over  the  Huns,  who  turned 
east  again.  We  counted  nine.  They  went  out 
of  sight,  climbing,  and  re-appeared  to  the  south 
obviously  trying  to  get  between  us  and  the  sun. 
We  defeated  them  in  that  and  outclimbed  them 
too  and  then  went  straight  at  them — three  of 
us. 

"They  promptly  turned  east  again  and  we 
never  got  within  range.  They  are  faster  than 
us  on  the  level. 

"This  business  went  on  for  nearly  an  hour. 
The  nine  red  Huns  came  back  four  times,  head- 
ing for  us  very  bravely,  but  every  time  we  got 
into  the  sun  and  then  went  for  them.  They 
never  stayed,  and  ultimately  went  away  for 
good. 

"There  was  no  mail  yesterday  and  therefore 
I  expect  two  letters  from  you  to-day. 

Later. 

"They  have  come — two  lovely  letters! 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       61 

"When  you  tell  me  how  happy  you  are,  dar- 
ling, I  am  thrilled  every  time.  My  heart,  as 
yours,  is  full  of  joy.  All  the  time  I  have  a  glow 
of  content  I  never  knew  before. 

-"A  few  sentences  in  a  letter  from  home  in- 
creased my  happiness.  I  think  they  will  in- 
crease yours.  Joan  says  'Aimee  seems  to  like 
to  have  mother's  letters.  Sometimes,  when  I 
come  to  think  of  it,  it  seems  strange  how  much 
she  is  one  of  us.  I  think  we  all  love  her  more 
the  more  we  know  her.' 

'Writing  since  to  Joan  I  said  how  I  value  her 
words  and  asked: 

"  Wasn't  our  instinct  right?' 

"Was  it,  bien-Aimee? 

"Yes,  I  really  love  the  photograph.  I  look 
at  it  many  times  a  day,  and  when  I  look  I  think 
of  many  wonderful  and  delicious  things,  and  I 
tell  it  how  I  love  you. 

"All  yours,  dearest  one, 

"BILL." 


XIV 

DOWN  in  the  valley  the  tiny  dull  red  village 
seems  to  be  asleep. 

Except   for   the   plowmen   who   harrow  thq 


62       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

patchwork  fields  there  is  no  sign  of  life — and 
none  of  war. 

Yet  from  every  cottage  almost  a  husband  or 
sons  have  gone  to  the  fight — sailors  mostly,  for 
the  road,  when  it  branches  off,  leads  directly  to 
our  most  special  Navy  port. 

I  think  the  Vale  is  like  the  calm  face  of  a 
woman  who  hides  in  her  breast  the  woe  anxiety 
breeds. 

I  will  read  my  letter  again.  I  feel  rather 
alone  up  here. 

"My  dearest  one, 

"We  are  having  things  a  good  deal  easier  just 
now  for  some  unknown  reason.  I  really  think 
that  the  period  during  which  the  Huns  very 
seriously  were  threatening  to  be  top  dog  in  the 
air  is  at  an  end. 

"But  the  weather  has  been  unspeakably  fine 
since  we  changed  our  quarters,  and  we  are  all 
praying  for  a  'dud'  day,  so  that  we  may  feel  free 
from  flying  for  twenty-four  hours. 

"I  have  just  recalled  something  the  Odd  Man 
was  telling  us.  He  was  saying  how  much  his 
wife  was  learning  of  flying  corps  slang,  and  in- 
stanced her  letter  of  the  previous  day,  in  which 
she  said  that  the  nurse  was  ill  in  bed,  but  added, 


63 

'However,  the  devil  has  had  a  "dud"  day  with 
the  children'! 

"Hurrah!  ...  It  has  started  to  peal  with 
thunder,  and  we  are  all  delighted,  I  especially, 
for  I  can  go  on  talking  to  you. 

"Nothing  very  thrilling  has  happened.  I  did 
a  patrol  last  evening  and  another  this  morning, 
and  saw  no  Huns  on  the  first,  but  to-day  there 
were  quite  a  number  about.  I  was  up  alone  and 
saw  two  formations — one  of  three  and  another 
of  four.  I  outclimbed  them  and  headed  for 
them,  but  they  went  away  east. 

"Ball's  latest  exploit  is  delicious. 

"About  ten  days  ago,  when  the  clouds  were 
down  to  2,000  feet,  he  went  and  'sat  over'  the 
Hun  aerodrome.  Five  Hun  machines  came  up 
to  strafe  him,  and  he  shot  three  down  and  made 
the  other  two  crash  on  their  own  aerodrome. 

"The  Odd  Man  has  asked  me  to  write  an  ar- 
ticle for  his  magazine! 

"Really,  I  could  do  quite  an  interesting  one 
on  'The  Vicar  as  his  parishioners  do  not  know 
him.' 

"He  is  a  wonderful  person;  a  raconteur,  a 
sportsman  and  a  tomboy.  Just  now  he  is  work- 


64       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

ing  hard  trying  to  level  the  ground  in  the  mid- 
dle of  our  huts  to  make  a  tennis  court. 

"On  Sunday  night  I  went  to  a  service. 
There  were  about  thirty  of  us  in  the  ante-room 
of  the  — th  Squadron  Mess.  The  walls  were 
thickly  decorated  with  Kirchner  and  Pinot 
studies — of  what  I  call  the  sublime  sacred 
—and  cards  were  strewn  on  the  tables. 
Before  the  service  could  start  we  had  to  cut  off 
George  Robey — in  the  middle  of  a  doubtful 
song — on  the  phonograph. 

"The  Odd  Man  explained  that  he  wanted  to 
make  it  a  meeting  rather  than  a  service;  there- 
fore after  prayers  and  a  few  hymns  he  proposed 
we  should  smoke  while  he  gave  us  an  address. 

"It  stimulated  thought,  he  said. 

"It  is  worth  a  good  deal  to  see  him  at  the 
aerodrome  when  any  big  stunt  is  going  forward. 

"He  was  down  there  to  watch  us  start  for  the 
balloon  strafe.  He  was  fearfully  grave  and 
just  walked  around  the  machines — hardly  say- 
ing a  word.  I  don't  think  he  expected  any  of 
us  to  return. 

"I  was  the  second  to  get  back.  The  first  was 
the  one  whose  gun  had  jammed.  I  lost  my  en- 
gine on  landing  and  stopped  on  the  far  side. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       65 

The  Odd  Man  sprinted  out,  beating  the  'acc- 
emmas'  (mechanics)  by  yards. 

"  'Any  luck?'  he  shouted.  He  was  fearfully 
excited. 

"  'Yes,  it's  all  right,'  I  said. 

"'Oh,  damn  good!'  he  exclaimed.  'Damn 
good.  .  .  .  Absolutely  topping!' 

"The  others  came  in  at  intervals,  and  he  beat 
the  C.O.  and  every  one  in  welcoming  them.  He 
ran  about  from  pilot  to  pilot,  saying  'Damn 
good!  .  .  .  How  completely  splendid!' 

"The  C.O.  joined  him  in  a  duet  of  jubilation 
and  supplemented  his  'damn  good'  by  extracts 
from  the  new  vocabulary. 

"I  have  just  had  instructions  to  go  by  tender 
to  -  -  to  fly  back  a  new  machine.  So  I  will 
finish  this  and  post  it  without  waiting  to  see  if 
there  is  a  letter  from  you. 

"All  my  most  passionate  love, 

"BILL." 


XV 

THERE  are  times  when  I  long,  beyond  reason- 
ing, for  a  sight  of  my  beloved — to  hear  his  voice, 
too;  to  touch  his  mouth,  to  lie  with  his  arms 


66       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

wound  about  my  body.  It  was  so  last  night, 
and  I  wept.  To-day  I  am  a  philosopher  again. 
My  letter  brings  me  nothing  but  joy: — 

"My  darling  wife, 

"I  got  your  letter  before  lunch.  It  thrilled 
me  more  than  any.  I  want  you,  I  love  you  in- 
tensely— oh,  so  much!  I  dare  not  think  of  our 
next  meeting.  It  is  too — too  wonderful  to  con- 
template! 

"The  trip  to  X—  -  to  fetch  the  new  machine 
did  not  turn  out  as  I  expected,  but  very  much 
better. 

"When  I  arrived  at  the  sheds  there  and  was 
almost  ready  to  start,  the  C.O.  turned  up,  with 
the  Odd  Man,  in  his  own  car  and  said  he  would 
fly  back,  as  he  wished  to  get  home  immediately. 
We  could  return  together  he  said. 

"So  we  watched  him  start  away.  In  the 
meantime  the  weather  had  picked  up  and  was 
gorgeous,  so  I  had  a  good  idea  that  there  would 
be  work  going  about. 

"But  the  Odd  Man  said  that  was  all  right. 
He  had  seen  to  it  for  me  and  we  could  stay  and 
have  dinner  at  X . 

"First  we  had  tea  at  the  Pool,  where  one 
meets  every  one  one  ever  knew  in  the  Flying 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       67 

Corps — and  then  motored  into  the  town  with 
much  dignity;  I  with  my  stream-line  fittings  and 
the  Odd  Man  with  his  dark  blue,  and  light  blue 
and  red  brassard  on  his  sleeve  bearing  the  let- 
ters R.F.C. 

"We  drew  up  at  the  big  French  cafe  in  the 
square,  and  there  'degusted'  each  two  Dubon- 
nets; and  then  went  to  the  Restaurant  V 

for  a  perfect  little  dinner. 

"Having  been  happy  in  our  choice  of  a  white 
wine  we  allowed  it  to  circulate  well  and  came 
out  to  the  big  green  car  behind  our  cigars,  feel- 
ing that  for  one  night  at  least  nothing  could 
interrupt  our  tranquillity. 

"This  morning  we — the  C.O.  and  your  hus- 
band— left  the  aerodrome  at  4.45  in  semi-dark- 
ness. It  was  an  early  bird  effort  to  catch  the 
Hun  worm,  but  the  sky  was  empty,  so  about  a 
mile  over  the  German  side  of  the  trenches  the 
C.O.,  who  is  a  stunt  pilot,  did  a  few  turns. 

"He  started  by  a  loop.  I  promptly  fol- 
lowed. He  'chucked'  two  more  and  so  did 
I.  Then  he  did  a  series  of  'Immelmann 
turns'  so  quickly  that,  watching  him  from  the 
ground,  you  would  have  sworn  he  was  flying 
upside  down  most  of  the  time. 


68       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"A  few  hundred  yards  away  I  was  hard  at  the 
same  thing. 

"The  Huns  down  below  must  have  wondered. 

"I  wound  up  the  show  by  two  of  my  best  spins 
of  1,000  feet  each. 

"The  Odd  Man  has  finished  the  tennis  court 
and  we  have  started  a  tournament.  I  am  down 
with  him,  and  while  he  is  easily  one  of  the  best 
players  I  am  easily  the  worst.  I  have  been  sent 
for,  so — Au  Revoir,  ma  bien-Aimee.  I  love 
you. 

"BILL." 

"P.S. — I  forgot  to  say  that  the  cheques  you 
have  written  will  be  all  right. 

"As  for  it  being  a  strain — why  I  am  intensely 
happy  and  amazingly  content. 

"It  is  first  because  of  our  love  and  then  be- 
cause I  know  you,  too,  are  happy  and  contented 
in  your  surroundings. 

"A  strain!  My  darling,  even  if  it  were — but 
it  is  a  delight.  It  is  wonderful  to  feel  that  I 
am  making  some  one  happy  because  I  was  afraid 
I  might  never  be  able  to  do  that.  It  is  lovely 
to  know  I  can — and  yet  it  is  so  little  I  do. 

"BILL." 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       69 

I,  also,  find  it  wonderful  to  be  able  to  make 
some  one  happy. 

I  think  most  of  us  have  it  in  our  power  to 
do  so  only  if  we  are  met  half  way,  and  I  can 
make  Bill  glad  because  he  wants  me  to,  and 
because  he  gives  all  of  himself  in  response. 

One  feels  so  powerful — and  yet  so  humble, 
too. 


XVI 

To-DAY  we  passed  along  a  roadway  cut 
through  a  wood  and  then,  at  the  other  end,  came 
upon  a  village  apparently  composed  of  a  few 
cottages,  several  houses  standing  in  acres  of 
ground,  and  a  church. 

It  was  the  most  fascinating  church  I  have 
ever  seen.  The  inside  was  white -washed  and 
the  oak  beams  were  black  and  uneven  with  age. 
There  was  brass  exquisitely  designed,  and  lilac 
and  wild  apple-blossom  stood  upon  the  altar. 
A  list  of  vicars  from  the  I4th  century  hung  out- 
side the  studded  door. 

Leading  to  it,  of  course,  were  the  inevitable 
tombstones,  some  so  ancient  that  the  moss  com- 
pletely covered  them. 

One  grave  was  quite  new. 


70       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

I  hated  to  think  of  the  decaying  body  under 
the  earth. 

Two  old  men  hobbled  past  us  as  we  re-started 
Polly  Blue.  They  were  all  we  saw  of  human 
life. 

"How  do  they  manage  to  live  so  long?"  I 
asked  of  Irene,  as  though  she  should  know. 

"Why  not?  .  .  .  There's  nothing  to  make 
them  die  here,  is  there?"  she  said. 

We  heard  the  boom  of  a  gun  practicing  at  the 
naval  port  across  the  hills. 

Nothing  to  make  them  die, — and  so  much 
death  not  far  away! 

Soon  we  returned  to  our  glorious  circle  of  the 
Downs.  Our  village  is  like  a  plainer  woman 
with  a  subtle  imagination — a  much  more  en- 
ticing companion! 

A  letter  from  Bill  had  arrived  by  the  after- 
noon post.  I  ran  up  here,  to  my  own  den,  to 
read : — 

"My  sweet  wife, 

"Nearly  a  month  has  gone  already! 

"Yesterday  was  Sunday  and  a  day  of  'hate' 
as  usual. 

"I  was  on  the  mid-day  patrol  with  my  flight 
commander,  Captain  Romney,  and  about  half 
way  through  we  spotted  two  Hun  scouts  a  good 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       71 

way  over  the  other  side.  We  climbed  round 
them  and  dived. 

"Romney,  who  goes  in  for  getting  right  up 
to  his  Hun  before  firing,  approached  to  within 
40  yards  of  the  first  one  and  then  fired  ten 
rounds. 

"The  Hun  did  an  Immelmann  turn  and  came 
out  on  Romney's  tail.  Romney  did  the  same, 
got  off  another  burst  and  the  Hun  dived  away. 
I  saw  only  the  first  maneuver,  for  I  was  diving 
on  the  second  one.  But  mine  didn't  wait  to 
do  any  Immelmann  turns.  I  started  firing  at 
about  100  yards,  and  put  3  rounds  into  him. 
The  Hun  went  on  diving,  and  so  fast  that  I 
could  not  gain  any  more. 

"The  Artillery  people  on  the  ground  re- 
ported one  of  the  Huns  crashed!  They  had 
watched  the  fight.  We  don't  know  whose  it 
was  but  think  mine. 

"In  the  afternoon  Romney  got  one  again. 
There  were  four  of  us  out,  but  he  got  so  close 
to  the  Hun — a  two-seater — and  sat  so  persist- 
ently under  his  tail  that  we  could  not  get  near 
and  dare  not  fire.  Ultimately  the  Hun  went 
down  burning,  and  that  was  confirmed  from  the 
ground. 

•  •••••• 

"This  morning  when  we  returned  from  early 


72       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

morning  patrol  there  was  a  new  balloon  strafe 
on  the  tapis. 

"I  was  sitting  opposite  the  C.O.  at  breakfast 

—imagine  a  tousle-headed  youth  in  pyjamas  and 

a  flying  coat,  for  he  had  been  called  up  early  to 

organize  the  raid — and  he  asked  me  if  I  would 

go  again.     I  said  'yes.' 

"Romney,  however,  intervened,  and  said  he 
was  entirely  against  any  one  doing  it  twice.  He 
proposed,  however,  that  the  remainder  of  the 
squadron  should  be  sent  up  to  'demonstrate'  over 
the  balloons  and  distract  attention  from  the 
'contour  chasers.' 

"I  was  late  in  getting  off  the  aerodrome  and 
the  raiders  had  got  over  the  lines  before  I  was 
in  a  position  to  see  them.  I  had  to  climb,  you 
see. 

"However,  from  miles  away  I  watched  three 
balloons  start  burning  and  collapse. 

"Tootling  round  I  spotted  three  more  bal- 
loons a  good  deal  south  of  the  ones  we  had  to 
attack,  and  went  over  to  investigate.  Three 
machines  were  flying  behind  them — Hun  two- 
seaters. 

"I  spiralled  down  above  them  to  have  a 
nearer  view  and  when  at  about  1,200  yards' 
range,  I  heard  one  of  them  firing.  So  I 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       73 

changed  my  spiral  into  a  dive  on  to  the  nearest 
one  and  heard  the  gun  going  again.  Then  they 
dived  too  and  eastward.  Next  moment  I  knew 
the  reason,  for  five  of  our  new  scouts  came  tear- 
ing past  taking  up  the  chase. 

"Soon  the  whole  eight  were  out  of  sight. 

"I  turned  round,  and  being  now  only  a  couple 
of  thousand  feet  above  the  balloons  I  thought 
I'd  have  a  go  at  one. 

"I  didn't  get  far.  They  had  been  watching 
me  too  long  from  the  ground  and  immediately 
I  was  greeted  with  machine  guns.  The  tracer 
bullets  came  up  in  silver  streaks  and  the  next 
minute  there  was  a  nasty  cough  behind  as  their 
anti-aircraft  fired  its  ranging  shot. 

"I  didn't  wait,  but  tootled  home. 

"The  second  raid  was  quite  a  success.  Six 
balloons  were  destroyed,  but  one  of  our  fellows 
is  missing. 

"Last  night  we  had  an  officer  from  the  Army 
Headquarters  to  mess.  He  came  to  tell  us  how 
bucked  the  infantry  people  were  with  what  our 
squadron  had  done  in  the  first  balloon  strafe. 

"I  hear  that  the  post  is  just  going  out.     I 
loved  your  letter  this  morning. 
"I  love  you, 

"BILL." 


74       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 


XVII 

LAST  night  propped  up  against  my  pillows 
reading  Bill's  thrilling  experiences  over  again, 
I  came  to  this,  which  at  breakfast  time  seemed 
quite  unimportant. 

"Two  letters  have  come  from  Greta  de  Jeu- 
naisse. 

"You  remember — I  told  you  how  kind  she 
and  her  mother  were  to  me  in  Paris?  .  .  .  She 
writes  from  there  telling  me  all  the  latest  news, 
and  she  finishes: — 

"  'Your  greeting,  and  above  all  your  portrait, 
have  given  me  great  delight.  .  .  .  You  do  not 
tell  me  when  you  are  coming  to  Paris.  I  am 
impatient  to  see  you  once  more.' ' 

It  was  midnight — a  time  when  things  come 
to  us  poignantly — and  I  began  to  wonder  if  this 
Greta  holds  the  very  French  notion  that  Bill's 
marriage  is  one  of  convenience  and  that — hav- 
ing written  and  sent  his  photograph  in  answer 
to  the  letters  which  followed  him  about  and 
reached  him  only  after  his  marriage — he  is 
eager  for  an  "affaire." 

Although  I  want  him  to  feel  free  as  the  wind, 
I  couldn't  help  writing  to  point  out  that  Latin 
women  have  the  foresight  not  to  believe  in  so- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       75 

called  Platonic  friendship.  As  a  matter  of  fact 
I  scarcely  can  imagine  even  an  Englishwoman 
expressing  her  impatience  to  see  again  the  man 
who  had  told  her  of  his  wife.  In  theory  it 
sounds  ridiculous,  but  practically  it  is  impos- 
sible for  any  man — unless  he  wishes  to  be  taken 
seriously — to  show  appreciation  of  any  fem- 
inine human  being  who  is  not  old  enough  to  be 
his  mother  or  young  enough  to  be  his  child. 

It  is  true — and  the  reverse  is  true  also.  Al- 
most any  woman  could,  with  the  opportunity, 
make  any  man  who  is  not  blindly  loving  some 
other  woman,  think  lovingly  of  her. 

To-day's  letter  is  so  thrilling  that  my  thoughts 
seem  trivial. 

"Dearest  one, 

"I  got  a  Hun  yesterday  afternoon.  It  was  a 
great  scrap  and  I  was  fearfully  pleased,  because 
for  the  first  time  in  a  scrap  I  tried  a  pukka 
Immelmann  turn  and  brought  it  off.  I  was 
.with  Romney  and  when  we  were  at  16,500, 
about  five  miles  over  the  lines,  he  dived  on  two 
Hun  two-seaters  at  about  14,000. 

"I  saw  him  go  down  and  pass  right  under- 
neath and  then  I  went  for  the  other. 

"It  was  a  big  bus  with  polished  yellow 
wooden  body  and  green  wings.  At  about  100 


76       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

yards  I  started  firing,  and  the  Hun,  who  was 
going  across  me,  turned  and  climbed  round  as 
if  to  get  on  my  tail. 

"Then  came  my  Immelmann!  With  engine 
full  on,  I  pulled  the  machine  up  hard  and 
nearly  vertical.  When  she  was  almost  stalling 
I  kicked  her  left  hand  rudder  hard  and  the 
machine  whipped  over  on  one  wing,  turned  her 
nose  down,  and  came  out  exactly  in  the  opposite 
direction. 

"The  Hun  was  now  dead  in  front  of  my  gun 
about  200  feet  below  me.  I  opened  on  him 
again  and  almost  immediately  he  started  diving 
and  slowly  spinning. 

"To  keep  my  gun  on  him  I  had  to  go  down 
absolutely  vertical,  and  eventually  went  beyond 
vertical  and  found  myself  on  my  back  with  the 
engine  stopped  through  choking. 

"When  at  length  1  fell  into  a  normal  attitude 
again,  the  Hun  had  disappeared.  One  of  our 
patrols  which  had  come  over  in  time  to  see  the 
scrap  says  he  went  down  spinning  and  crashed. 

"This  morning  I  was  detailed  to  lead  a  patrol 
— my  first. 

"It  might  have  been  a  success  but  for 
'Archie.' 

"I  headed  over  the  lines  and  crossed  at  10,000 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       77 

feet.  Then  war  broke  out  and  for  several  min- 
utes I  couldn't  see  the  two  fellows  who  were 
following,  for  the  black  shell  bursts  all  around 
us. 

"To  put  the  A-A  gunners  off  their  range  I 
side-slipped  and  stunted  and  then  climbed 
above  a  cloud.  The  others  did  the  same. 

"It  was  only  a  small  cloud,  however,  and  soon 
came  to  an  end.  Promptly  on  reappearing  we 
got  another  salvo  and  I  felt  a  violent  shock  on 
the  'joy-stick.'  The  whole  machine  shuddered, 
but  before  I  had  begun  to  wonder  what  had  been 
hit  I  stuck  my  nose  down  hard  and  due  west. 
Everything  looked  all  right. 

"Leaning  out  and  peering  round  the  engine 
cowling  I  found  the  under  carriage  was  still 
there.  I  waggled  the  'joy-stick.'  The  tail  con- 
trols were  all  right.  Again  I  waggled  the  'joy- 
stick.' Wing  controls  all  right.  But  no,  noth- 
ing happened.  I  looked  at  the  ailerons.  The 
-left  one  moved,  but  the  right  one  did  not  move. 

"Then  I  glanced  at  the  aileron  controls.  Just 
against  my  screen  the  right  aileron  control  had 
been  shot  away! 

"I  kept  my  nose  down,  heading  for  home,  and 
found  that  I  could  still  get  a  sufficient  amount 
of  wing  controls  to  make  slow  turns.  Landing 
became  a  problem,  as  the  moment  I  switched  off 


78       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

the  engine  the  right  wing  dropped.  I  flew 
right  on  to  the  ground,  though,  without  smash- 
ing anything. 

"I  have  the  broken  parts  of  the  rod  and  the 
armorer  is  going  to  produce  some  souvenir  from 
it  for  you. 

"I  have  read  and  read  again  your  last  few 
letters.  They  made  me  feel  so  wonderfully 
happy,  longing  for  you  ever  so  impatiently,  yet 
curiously  content  to  wait;  just  loving  you,  dar- 
ling, with  all  the  passion  I  own. 

"All  yours, 

"BILL." 

After  reading  that  I  wonder  if  it  would  be 
dreadfully  foolish  of  me  to  post  my  misgivings 
about  Greta. 

Somehow  I  feel  I  want  him  to  share  all  that 
passes  through  my  mind.  He  deserves  the 
truth. 

Some  men  would  dismiss  this,  thinking  it  to 
be  the  sort  of  jealousy  by  which  married  people 
are  supposed  to  make  life  a  burden  to  one  an- 
other. 

There  is  a  tinge  of  jealousy  of  course — but  it 
is  something  deeper  which  makes  me  want  to 
speak.  I  can't  express  what  I  think.  It  is  very 
difficult. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       79 


XVIII 

"ALL  my  own  darling. 

"I  am  in  the  orderly  room  relieving  the  or- 
derly officer  for  dinner,  and  I  want  to  talk  to 
you. 

"Every  day  I  am  more  staggered  by  this 
amazing  life.  It  is  the  contrasts  in  it,  the 
abrupt  changes  that  make  it  so  astounding. 

"Before  lunch  I  was  sitting  in  a  cosy  mess 
writing  to  my  wife.  At  tea-time  I  was  fifteen 
miles  over  the  lines,  flying  over  Hun  land,  aim- 
ing my  gun,  and  shooting  to  kill.  And  then, 
later,  changed  into  clean  clothes,  I  dined  in 
comfort  unsurpassed  even  in  England  just  now. 

"Yesterday  we  went  over  to  another  squadron, 
where  the  C.O.  was  to  fly  a  Hun  machine — an 
Albatross  Scout — against  one  of  ours.  The 
idea  was  to  test  them  for  speed  level,  climbing, 
diving,  and  turning,  and  then  to  have  a  scrap. 
We  expected  some  good  flying,  but  the  whole 
was  a  wash-out  as  the  engine  went  dud. 

"It  is  to  be  tried  again  to-morrow,  and  I  am 
to  fly  one  of  our  machines  against  the  C.O. 

"Captain  Kyle  crashed  this  morning  in  the 
trenches.  His  engine  stopped  and  he  turned 


8o       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

upside  down  about  500  yards  behind  the  front 
line.  A  big  artillery  strafe  was  going  on  at  the 
time,  and  he  couldn't  get  out  of  the  machine, 
but  just  had  to  hang  there  head  first,  by  his 
belt,  listening  to  the  big  shells  crumpling  all 
around. 

"At  last  some  Canadians  managed  to  run  out 
and  release  him  from  the  wreckage.  They  took 
him  into  their  dug-out,  and  when  things  got 
quieter  he  came  away. 

"There's  a  hell  of  a  lot  of  strafing  every  day, 
and  the  sky  in  the  east  is  vivid  all  night  through. 

"The  weather  refuses  to  break,  and  it  is  op- 
pressively hot.  You  would  love  it,  I  know. 
But  we  are  longing  for  a  real  break.  We  want 
a  rest  from  patrols  for  a  day  or  two. 

"I  quite  forgot  to  tell  you  about  Hyatt.  He 
had  claimed  three  Huns,  and  a  fortnight  ago 
was  put  on  a  roving  commission — that  is  to  say 
he  was  left  to  fly  when  he  liked  and  where  he 
liked,  provided  he  got  Huns. 

"One  day  he  went  up  late  and  came  back  at 
dusk.  He  said  he  had  been  a  long  way  over  the 
lines  and  had  met  three  Huns.  Two  he  shot 
down  on  their  own  aerodrome  and  the  third 
dived  away. 

"Going  along  further  south  he  picked  up 
a  single  machine  and  later  saw  five  Huns. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       81 

Thinking  he  had  the  assistance  of  the  scout  he 
had  picked  up  he  dived  at  the  five.  Hardly 
had  he  started  than  the  scout  fired  at  him  from 
behind.  He  turned  round  and  climbed  and  dis- 
covered black  crosses  on  the  scout. 

11  It  was  a  Hun! 

"Getting  under  this  Hun  he  put  his  gun  up, 
emptied  his  drum,  and  saw  the  Hun  dive  down 
and  into  a  pond! 

"Then  Hyatt  came  home. 

"Two  days  later — that  is  three  days  ago — 
he  crashed  on  landing.  He  was  not  damaged, 
but  said  he  had  hurt  his  head.  He  is  now  at  the 
hospital  here  and  says  he  can't  remember  any- 
thing. 

"He  had  to  be  informed  that  there  is  a  war 
on  and  that  the  French  are  fighting  with  us. 
He  recalls  London  vaguely.  Fortunately  he 
recognizes  his  wife's  photograph. 

"So  Hyatt  may  be  home  with  her  shortly. 

'Later. 

"The  post  has  come  bringing  the  lovely  letter 
you  wrote  in  bed. 

"Your  doubt  about  Greta's  attitude  brought 
doubt  to  me  for  the  first  time.  In  any  event 
there  will  be  no  chance  of  my  going  to  Paris  at 
present. 


82       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

Tuesday  Evening. 

"The  post  is  going  now.  I  send  you  all  my 
love. 

"My  wife! 

"BILL." 

XIX 

I  HAVE  climbed  to  the  highest  point  of  the 
Downs  to  let  the  wind  blow  through  and  round 
me. 

So  many  thoughts  have  tangled  themselves  in 
my  brain  and  now  that  they  are  weeded  out  I 
want  to  tell  of  them. 

It  all  started,  of  course,  with  Bill's  remark: 

"In  any  event  there  will  be  no  chance  of  my 
going  to  Paris  at  present" 

"That  means,"  I  said  to  myself,  "that  were 
there  a  chance  he  would  go  without  me  I  .  .  . 
Why  then  did  I  not  go  to  Italy  with  Desiree 
instead  of  refusing  because  I  knew  he  wanted  us 
to  go  together  afterwards.  .  .  .  And  he  would 
see  his  Greta  I  .  .  .  Why  then  have  I  made  a  re- 
solve not  even  to  write  to  any  of  those  men  who 
easily  might  persuade  themselves  that  he — al- 
though my  husband — is  not  my  dearest  love?" 

Then  I  was  aghast. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       83 

"What,"  I  exclaimed.  "Have  I  descended 
to  this?" 

My  dear  and  I  have  discovered  that  we  are 
able  to  accompany  one  another  into  our  most  in- 
timate thought  gardens;  and  I  know  he  will 
understand  that,  afterwards,  I  tried  to  pull  the 
weeds — that's  all. 

So  I  reasoned. 

"Bill's  and  my  marriage  has  in  it  the  possi- 
bilities of  perfect  Romance.  He  is  most  beloved 
of  me;  yet  if,  now  or  at  any  time,  he  lightly 
should  appreciate  our  Romance — and  with  so 
fragile  a  flower  to  be  careless  and  to  kill  were 
the  same — then  which  should  I  regret?  Him  or 
Romance? 

Why  Romance,  of  course;  for  there  are  other 
men  and  other  interests,  but  seldom  the  possi- 
bility of  pure  Romance! 

Now  the  garden  is  clear  once  more. 

I  love  him  this  dear,  dear  lover  of  mine. 


XX 

"MY  DARLING  AlMEE, 

"After  writing  you  yesterday  I  found  that  I 
was  due  out  on  the  next  patrol. 

"It  was  the  most  uncomfortable  patrol  I  have 


84       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

ever  had.     Romney  led  and  a  new  pilot — an  ex- 
cellent one — made  the  third. 

"We  climbed  all  out  and  when  a  good  way 
over  saw  a  Hun  two-seater.  Romney  gave 
chase  and  it  headed  northeast. 

"I  don't  know  for  how  long  we  followed,  but 
we  gained  slowly,  and  at  last  Romney  dived. 

"As  he  did  so  the  Hun  fired  three  rockets,  evi- 
dently a  signal. 

"Romney  fired  at  close  range  and  sheered  off. 
The  Hun  observer  fired  back  at  him  as  the  pilot 
dived.  I  then  went  down  vertically  after  him 
firing  dead  on  and  did  not  stop  until  my  drum 
was  empty.  The  Hun  was  still  going  down- 
falling.  He  had  not  fired  at  me  and  we  believe 
both  pilot  and  observer  had  been  hit. 

"I  started  climbing  while  changing  my  empty 
drum  for  a  full  one,  and,  looking  around,  saw 
two  scout  machines  above  me. 

"'Romney  and  Grahaeme'  I  thought;  and 
proceeded  leisurely,  climbing  up  to  them. 

"One  of  the  pilots  put  his  nose  down  and  came 
towards  me,  and  next  moment  I  heard  the  fa- 
miliar and  horrid  'Pop-pop-pop.' 

"They  were  firing  at  me.  It  certainly  was 
neither  Romney  nor  Grahaeme. 

"As  I  had  feared  all  through  the  chase  the 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       85 

Hun  two-seater  had  been  a  lure  and  now  I  was 
in  a  trap.  They  had  a  thousand  feet  of  height 
on  me,  so  I  put  my  nose  westward  and  down- 
ward, and,  glancing  round,  saw  they  were  doing 
the  same. 

"By  losing  height  steadily  I  was  able  to  keep 
up  speed,  but  I  hadn't  realized  how  far  east  we 
had  come.  It  seemed  hours  before  I  saw  the 
trenches  in  the  distance — actually  it  was  fifteen 
minutes  before  I  reached  them. 

"All  the  time  the  Huns  were  firing  short 
bursts,  but  I  was  never  going  straight  for  three 
seconds  together.  I  kicked  the  rudder  and  slid 
flat  from  one  side  to  another,  and  at  last  as  I 
crossed  the  reserve  Hun  trenches — now  at  less 
than  3,000  feet — I  saw  the  Hun  machines  turn 
away. 

"It  wasn't  all  over,  though,  for  first,  tracer 
bullets  came  up  from  the  ground  and,  after  I 
had  dived  and  side-slipped  to  avoid  them,  the 
anti-aircraft  guns  put  up  a  barrage  in  front  of 
me.  For  five  minutes  I  turned  and  twisted  to 
throw  them  off  and  finally  got  over  our  trenches 
at  1,000  feet. 

"Later  I  heard  that  when  Romney  had  stood 
off  after  he  too  had  been  attacked  by  two  Hun 
scouts,  but  being  on  their  level  he  had  climbed 


86       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

away  from  them.  One  of  his  planes  had  been 
badly  ripped  by  the  fire  from  the  first  Hun  we 
attacked. 

"The  third  fellow  had  seen  us  diving  and 
looking  around  saw  four  Hun  scouts  coming 
out  of  the  clouds.  He  went  to  have  a  look  at 
them  and  then  got  lost  in  the  clouds.  It  was 
half  an  hour  before  he  found  his  way  back  to 
the  lines. 

"I  haven't  told  you  about  the  Air  Hog!  He 
is  an  excellent  fellow  really,  but  he  takes  things 
frightfully  seriously  and  is  simply  crazy  to  get 
Huns.  His  air-hoggishness  was  revealed  early 
—when  he  came  into  the  mess  announcing  that 
he  was  going  on  a  'jolly  old  patrol.' 

"It  was  the  first  time  we  had  ever  heard  it  so 
called.  Most  of  us  use  something  much  more 
sanguinary. 

"However,  he  went  out  a  few  times  and  then 
developed  a  habit  of  going  up  and  tearing  about 
the  sky  all  alone. 

"He  went  Hun-strafing  mad.  If  he  saw  a 
Hun  five  miles  away  and  chased  it  for  ten  min- 
utes he  hardly  would  be  able  to  contain  himself, 
and  would  talk  about  what  'a  jolly  old  patrol' 
it  had  been. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       87 

"At  last  he  was  put  on  the  roving  commis- 
sion game  and  since  then  has  spent  eight  hours 
a  day  at  least  in  the  air. 

"When  it  is  not  fit  for  patrol  he  mopes  and 
frets,  and  worries  everybody  about  the  weather; 
and  doesn't  improve  because  he  fails  to  get  any 
sympathy  from  us. 

"Later. 

"Two  letters  from  you,  glowing  about  your 
work — the  revision  of  the  play  and  the  articles 
— and  smelling  of  your  lovely  perfume. 

"It  is  brilliantly  fine  again.  I'll  be  flipping 
soon. 

"Dear,  dear  wife,  I  love  you. 

"BILL." 

Bill,  couldn't  you  just  managed  to  "flip" 
over  the  edge  of  the  Downs?  You  are  so  near, 
really.  If  you  were  to  go  up  into  the  sky  with 
the  wind  behind,  you  could  be  here  with  me,  in 
fhis  room,  in  one  little  hour.  Think  what  it 
would  mean  to  me.  And  I'd  let  you  go  back 
again  after  I  had  given  you  my  kisses  and 
listened  to  your  voice,  telling  me  of  your  love! 


88       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

XXI 

"BlEN  AlMEE, 

"The  Squadron  did  a  thrilling  exploit  last 
night.  It  went  bathing  at  midnight.  The  Odd 
Man,  of  course,  was  the  leader. 

"Some  miles  away  there  is  a  most  topping 
valley  occupied  by  a  chateau  and  its  grounds. 
A  river  runs  through  it  and  about  a  week  ago 
the  C.O.  and  the  Odd  Man  got  permission  from 
the  people  at  the  chateau  to  dam  the  stream — or, 
as  the  Odd  Man  prefers  to  put  it,  'to  erect  an 
artificial  barrier  across  the  stream — in  order  to 
form  a  swimming  pool.' 

"The  Squadron  did  the  work  and  it  was  fin- 
ished yesterday.  After  dinner  the  C.O.  sug- 
gested that  we  should  all  go  and  bathe  in  the 
pool. 

"We  had  a  tender  and  fifteen  of  us  went— 
some  of  us  armed  with  pocket  lamps  and  all  at- 
tired in  pyjamas,  towels  and  flying  coats. 

"The  water  was  beautifully  deep  and  clean; 
and  it  was  eerie  to  see  the  naked  bodies  scram- 
bling about  the  barrier  of  tree  trunks  amongst 
the  shadows  thrown  by  the  huge  monsters  on  the 
bank. 

"The  Odd  Man  was  the  noisiest  of  the 
crowd. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       89 

"He  did  high  dives  into  the  black  pool,  shout- 
ing and  splashing  like  a  water  baby. 

"To-day  four  of  the  fellows  have  developed 
colds,  and  even  the  Odd  Man  is  a  little  of!  color. 
I  tell  him  that  midnight  revels  with  water 
nymphs  do  not  suit  him. 

"But  I  haven't  told  you  of  my  expedition! 

"Yesterday,  with  the  C.O.'s  permission,  I 
traveled  for  many  hours  on  a  motor-bicycle — 
seeing  the  war.  I  had  tea  with  a  General,  and 
supper  with  a  sergeant. 

"The  sergeant  was  Dick.  Supper  consisted 
of  bottled  Bass  and  a  cake  from  home. 

"It  was  a  frantic  business,  finding  where  his 
brigade  was.  After  touring  the  larger  part  of 
Northern  France  I  entered  Z—  — ,  and  ran  into 
a  fellow  I  knew,  who  is  now  C.R.E. — that  is  to 
say  officer  in  charge  of  works. 

"He  took  me  along  to  H.Q.,  and  there  I  found 
where  the  Division  and  the  Brigade  were. 
Then  I  went  to  the  Town  Commandant's  billet 
with  my  pal,  and  had  tea  with  General  -  — ,  to 
whom  I  hot-aired  about  flying  for  half  an 
hour. 

"At  last  I  got  out  of  town  and  found  Dick  at 
the  wagon  lines.  To  get  there  I  had  to  pass 
through  a  belt  of  most  amazing  country — the 
piece  of  ground  that  for  two  years  until  last 


90       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

month  held  our  own  trenches,  the  Hun  trenches, 
and  no  man's  land. 

"The  sight  cannot  be  described. 

"It  is  as  if  roads  and  villages  and  woods  and 
fields  suddenly  had  become  liquid  like  a  sea,  and 
had  rolled  themselves  over  and  over  in  huge 
waves — stopping  abruptly  at  their  most  fantastic 
moment. 

"I  found  Dick  in  a  little  tin  hut  with  his 
Sergt.-Major,  Q.M.S.,  and  the  other  sergeants- 
all  good  fellows. 

"He  was  looking  wonderfully  fit  and  was  in 
excellent  spirits. 

"I  went  to  the  officer's  mess  also  and  was 
awfully  well  received.  They  spoke  glowingly 
and  quite  spontaneously  of  Dick. 

"Writing  home  I  have  told  Mother  that  they 
have  described  him  as  a  'damned  good  lad  with 
lots  of  guts!' 

"They  told  me  about  the  Military  Medal  ex- 
ploit. It  was  during  the  bombardment  prior 
to  the  advance. 

"The  Huns  barraged  the  road  on  which  the 
ammunition  teams  were  working  between  the 
dump  and  the  batteries,  and  smashed  up  several 
teams.  Just  when  everything  was  horribly  con- 
fused, Dick  came  along  and,  irrespective  of  who 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       91 

was  who,  and  in  the  thick  of  the  shelling,  organ- 
ized some  order  out  of  chaos  and  blood. 

"A  few  days  ago  he  was  congratulated  per- 
sonally by  the  Divisional  G.O.C. 

"I  gather  that  his  C.O.  is  quite  keen  on  Dick's 
prospects  for  a  commission.  And  so  am  I.  It 
has  been  good  for  him  to  start  from  the  begin- 
ning, but  now  it  is  time  for  him  to  move  on. 

"I  got  home  at  10  A.  M.  It  was  a  topping 
experience. 

"Most  happily  yours, 

"BILL." 

XXII 

COULD  a  woman  know  greater  joy  than  this? 
Listen : 

"For  whom  I  live. 

"Your  long  letter  of  Monday  night  has  come. 

"I  love  your  idea  of  Romance.  ...  It  is  all 
mine.  I  will  treasure  and  guard  Romance,  em- 
bodying you,  so  jealously.  But  you  have  made 
me  realize  how  it  may  be  destroyed  by  the  merest 
want  of  thought  and  in  spite  of  the  most  sincere 
loyalty. 

"This  letter  thrills  me  more  than  any.  I  have 
read  it  many  times. 


92       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"Darling  Aimee,  I  love  you!  I  love  you!  I 
am  all  yours.  It  makes  me  deliriously  happy  to 
know  we  are  so  much  to  each  other  that  is  satis- 
fying and  more  than  that. 

"Since  you  mention  it,  I  may  as  well  refer 
again  to  my  remark  about  going  to  Paris.  You 
never  could  believe  to  yourself  that  I  would 
choose  to  go  on  leave  anywhere  without  you. 

"Dear,  I  am  living  for  you:  I  want  you,— 
I  can't  tell  you  how  I  love  you! 

"I  have  told  you  often  that  I  am  curiously 
content.  But  it  is  not  complacency,  and  I  know 
you  know  that.  My  contentment  is  made  up  of 
the  most  wonderful  memories  and  the  most 
wonderful  promises — and  of  your  and  my  own 
happy  philosophy  of  life.  Oh,  bien-Aimee! 

"And  yet  I  may  go  to  Paris  and  alone!  Un- 
til quite  recently  pilots  used  to  be  sent  there  for 
new  machines  and  maybe,  this  will  happen 
again.  It  is  not  likely,  however,  that  I  should 
go,  and  if  I  did  I  would  not  visit  Greta. 

"In  this  case  and  in  any  case,  I  not  only  see 
your  point  but  agree  with  you.  I  must  admit  I 
had  not  seen  the  danger  of  it  as  applying  to  my- 
self, but  already  I  had  made  up  my  mind  neither 
to  write  to,  nor  to  see  her,  for  a  long  time. 

"Darling  Aimee,  I  love  you.  I  love  you  to 
the  exclusion  of  everything  in  life  but  your  hap- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       93 

piness;  and  that  is  my  happiness,  too.     I  love 
you  beyond  all  measure. 

"It  is  ecstasy  to  say  'My  wife.' 

"And  I  am  all  yours. 

"BILL." 

Bill,  you  are  perfect.  You  make  me  your 
slave — no,  more  than  that,  your  friend — when 
you  understand  like  that! 


XXIII 

PURCELL  has  borrowed  my  favorite  weapon  to 
write  the  laundry  list. 

She  came  in  and  said: 

"I'm  sure,  Miss,  you  must  have  collected  all 
the  pencils  in  the  kitchen  last  night." 

I  don't  know  why  she  wants  to  write  a  laundry 
list  on  Whit-Sunday;  but  it  never  would  do  for 
me  to  say  so.  Certainly  if  I  tried  to  prevent  her 
she  would  go  and  "munition,"  and  then  this 
household  would  tumble  to  pieces  altogether. 

The  window  is  opened  wide;  but  outside 
there  are  no  Downs,  no  trees,  no  distance — only 
a  "thin  piece  of  sky"  and  dozens  and  dozens  of 
chimney  pots  and  the  two  top  storeys  of  a  build- 
ing, loftier  than  the  rest. 


94       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

I  can't  see  the  street,  for  I  am  too  high  above 
it  and  too  far  back  in  the  room;  but  the  whirr 
of  traffic  is  unavoidable.  An  instant  ago  there 
was  a  pause  like  the  quiet  at  a  table  where  every- 
one has  been  talking:  but  already  a  motor-lorry 
— the  boisterous  one  of  the  party — flings  itself 
into  the  vacancy. 

This  is  town! 

So  much  has  happened  that  I  can't  recall  why 
I  decided — originally — to  come  here.  Oh,  yes, 
I  do  remember.  Irene's  parents  wrote.  They 
wished  to  visit  her  for  a  week  if  arrangements 
would  allow  for  their  entertainment.  Of  course 
that  was  as  a  royal  command.  Immediately 
Nanny  looked  for  finger-marks,  Irene  stowed 
cigarettes  at  the  bottom  of  the  trunk  which  holds 
her  out-of-use  riding  habits — "to  keep  the  moths 
away" — and  I  looked  up  the  best  through  train 
for  London. 

It's  safer  to  be  a  myth  to  the  parents  of  one's 
friends.  They  have  too  much  eye  for  detail, 
and  the  very  ideas  which  attract  us  to  each 
other  to  them  would  seem  revolutionary.  After 
all  Irene  is  their  ewe  lamb,  and  I  stand  for  the 
enemy  outside  the  gates. 

It  needn't  be,  but,  like  lots  of  things  that 
need  n't  be,  it  is. 

And  now,  having  come  to  town,  I  seem  to  be 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       95 

involved  in  the  most  thrilling  episodes. 

Really  they  all,  indirectly,  are  the  outcome  of 
a  sisterly  letter  which  arrived  a  week  or  two 
ago  from  Maisie: — 

"Dear  Amy,"  she  wrote — and  that's  the  sis- 
terly touch  in  chief,  for  she  refuses  to  recognize 
the  picturesque  translation  of  my  name — "I've 
read  a  thing  of  yours  that  I  found  lying  about 
the  house.  I  know  you'll  be  wild,  for  you're 
such  an  ass  about  anyone  seeing  anything;  but 
anyway  I  don't  see  why  you  shouldn't  pull  your- 
self together  and  be  businesslike  and  try  to  make 
some  money  for  a  change.  I'm  sure  you've  cost 
mother  enough  one  way  and  another. 

"I'm  glad  to  say  you  write  better  than  I  ex- 
pected, though  I  think  you  ramble  on  a  bit  too 
much.  You  should  come  to  the  point  quicker. 
We're  in  a  hurry  now-a-days,  and  much  too  tired 
to  wonder  what  it's  all  about. 

"Anyway  don't  trouble  to  alter  what  you've 
done.  I'll  bring  it  up-to-date  myself  if  neces- 
sary. I've  given  this  thing  to  a  man  who  knows 
the  editor  of  the  'Philanderer,'  which  is  decid- 
edly the  smartest  magazine  of  the  moment. 
Now  don't  get  into  a  temper  about  it  It's  for 
your  own  good.  "Love, 

"MAISIE." 


96       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

This  letter  had  its  use,  besides  supplying 
Irene  with  amusement,  for  it  provoked  me 
to  dispatch  a  bundle  of  MS.  to  the  agent 
upon  whose  advice,  she  had  heard,  one  could 
rely. 

I  suppose  it's  a  form  of  self-consciousness,  or 
as  Maisie  would  put  it,  "conceit,"  that  makes 
some  of  us  avoid  spectators.  Until  my  mar- 
riage. I  shrank  from  the  idea  that  any  one  who 
knew  me  should  read  my  thoughts;  but  having 
lived  with  Bill,  who  is  so  much  more  open  and 
generous  in  his  outlook,  I  seem  to  mind  less  and 
less. 

Then  the  day  before  leaving  the  country  this 
came: 

"Dear  Madam, 

"I  have  read  the  MS.  sent  to  me  by  your  sis- 
ter, and  I  find  it  quite  good.  It  is  too  long,  how- 
ever, as  we  do  not  consider  serials,  but  we  would 
be  glad  if  you  would  submit,  before  Thursday 
next,  a  short  story  of  800  words. 

"Yours  truly, 


I  hadn't  a  short  story  of  any  length  and  I 
hadn't  the  fogiest  idea  for  one. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       97 

"I'll  simply  write  and  say  so,"  I  said  to  Irene, 
who  came  as  usual  to  my  room  after  breakfast 
to  discuss  the  post. 

"Good  gracious,  no,"  she  cried.  "You  must 
have  a  try  at  least." 

Then  I  realized  that,  of  course,  I  must  have 
a  try  and,  what  is  more,  a  successful  try. 

Maisie's  words  also  seemed  like  the  truth — I 
had  "rambled  on  too  long." 

So  all  that  day  I  sat  at  my  table,  and  after 
dinner  exchanged  the  result  for  an  article  that 
Irene  had  been  doing — in  her  airy  fashion — on 
Rhodesia,  which  became  less  vague  to  me  as  I 
read. 

And  as  she  found  my  effort  very  much  to  her 
taste  we  afterwards  went  to  bed  rather  hilari- 
ously. 

Our  gods  chastened  us  soon  enough  for  that. 

They  sent   Irene's   article  back  to   roost;   and 

mine  rendered  their  blow  through  the  Editor  of 

-the  "Philanderer,"  when  several  days  later  I  sat 

in  his  office  beside  his  desk. 

"Yes;  it's  good  enough  in  its  way,"  he  said. 
"But  what  our  readers  want  is  something  more 
obvious  than  that!" 

He  had  gray  hair  and  a  pince-nez  and  a  keen 
clever  face. 

"Why  does  he  prostitute  his  conception  of 


98       MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

things?"  I  wondered,  saying  aloud  at  the  same 
time:  "I'll  do  another  then  and  let  you  have 
it  to-morrow." 

"Can  you?"  he  asked. 

"Of  course,"  I  answered,  "if  I  choose." 

What  I  should  have  said  was:  "Of  course  not, 
because  I  don't  choose" — but  to  be  baffled  by  the 
obvious  pleased  me  little  enough. 

At  home — the  place  where  I  used  to  house 
myself  before  my  marriage  to  Bill — it  seems  im- 
possible to  work.  The  pandemonium  of  traffic 
rages  night  and  day.  Except  to-day  there  is  no 
privacy  either,  for  now  my  old  room  has  been 
commandeered. 

"You  can  use  mine  if  you  don't  expect  me 
not  to  come  in  when  I  like;  and  you'll  have  to 
sleep  on  the  inside,  and  not  wriggle  all  the 
time!"  Maisie  said. 

And  as  she  spoke  she  arranged  her  head  at  the 
left-hand  top  corner  and  her  feet  at  the  right- 
hand  lower  corner  of  the  bed.  Until  dawn  and 
after  that  I  tossed  about  open-eyed,  discon- 
nectedly piecing  together  the  accursed  short 
story. 

"A  man  and  a  woman,  and  the  other  man  or 
the  other  woman — that's  the  obvious,"  I 
thought;  but  what  to  make  them  do  or  say  in  the 
space  of  eight  hundred  words  was  as  distant 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE       99 

from   me   as  sleep   in   the  space   left  over  by 
Maisie's  adamant  body. 

When  Purcell  entered  with  the  tea  tray  she 
awoke. 

"You've  kicked  me  all  night  in  your  sleep," 
she  grumbled.  ...  "I  feel  as  though  I'd  been 
beaten  black  and  blue!" 

I  looked  at  her — too  wroth  for  speech. 

"Well,  don't  let  your  eyes  tumble  out  of  your 
head,"  she  growled,  "and  give  me  some  tea  for 
the  love  of  glory.  ...  I  shall  be  ill  if  I  have 
to  share  my  bed  again!" 

Then  the  desperate  inspiration  came.  The 
outcome  of  which  was  that  the  Babes — in  whose 
opinion  I  have  soared  since  presenting  them 
with  a  brother-in-law — superintended  a  collec- 
tion of  food  while  I  gathered  together  my  pencil 
and  writing  pad  and  wits. 

Joyously,  before  the  dew  had  given  itself  to 
the  sun,  we  spread  our  rugs  under  the  biggest 
tree  on   the  stretch  of  green  overlooking  the 
-round  pond. 

I  placed  the  Babes  before  me.  "It  doesn't 
matter  what  you  do"  ...  I  said  .  .  .  "if  you 
don't  talk  to  me  before  it  is  time  to  eat." 

"May  we  go  out  of  sight  then?"  asked  Bey. 

"No,  you  may  not  .  .  .  and  you  mayn't  fall 
into  the  water  either,"  I  replied. 


zoo     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

So  Betty  arranged  herself  on  her  stomach, 
propped  up  by  her  elbows,  and  began  to  read  a 
book;  while  Bey,  strutting  about,  crooned  non- 
sense to  a  one-eyed  Teddy  bear. 

I  think  we  had  chocolate  and  buns  and  hard- 
boiled  eggs  for  lunch  and  I  know  that  by  tea- 
time  my  tale  was  complete.  Last  evening  the 
Editor  man  rang  up  to  say  he  liked  it  very 
much;  but  suggesting  an  alteration  to  the  last 
line,  and  that  destroyed  the  redeeming  touch 
of  sincerity,  adding  spice,  I  admit,  but  spice  of 
the  most  blatant  sort — spice  for  the  gourmand 
rather  than  for  the  gourmet. 

"You  don't  mind?"  he  said. 

"Not  in  the  slightest,"  I  replied — and  neither 
did  I,  for  I  hadn't  been  baffled  by  the  obvious 
after  all. 

Just  now  Bill's  letters  have  to  be  absorbed 
between  events  instead  of  being  the  one  event 
of  the  four-and-twenty  hours,  but  they  are  not 
less  precious  because  of  that. 

They  are  my  life.  I  have  one  for  every  day 
in  the  week.  To-day  there  is  no  post,  but  two 
came  yesterday — one  by  the  first  delivery  and 
one  by  the  last.  Here  is  the  earlier  one:— 

"My  bien-Aimee, 
"For  the  first  time  this  month  a  day  without  a 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     ioi» 

letter  from  you.  Because  you  were  traveling, 
I  suppose. 

"It  is  a  perfect  summer  day  and  already  I 
have  done  three  hours  flying,  and  later  I  am  to 
lead  a  patrol! 

"I  was  out  of  bed  this  morning  at  4  o'clock 
and  in  the  air  before  it  was  properly  light.  It 
was  quite  an  inoffensive  patrol,  for  there  were 
no  Huns  about — and  it  was  a  topping  morning. 

"Breakfast  was  ready  at  5.30,  and  after  it  I 
went  to  bed  for  two  hours.  Then  at  10  A.  M. 
I  went  out  for  a  joy-ride.  I  flew  up  the  line  to 
Z—  -  and  then  tootled  all  around  the  salient 
and  billets  and  bits  of  trench  I  had  lived  in  last 
year. 

"On  the  way  back  I  landed  at  another  aero- 
drome and  met  half  a  dozen  fellows  who  were 
at  the  home  aerodrome  with  me. 

"You  remember  the  second  'Hun'  *  whose 
argument  with  a  hay-stack  I  described?  He 
has  had  a  further  adventure. 

"While  I  was  out  on  the  aerodrome  yesterday 
afternoon  I  heard  Romney  order  my  machine  to 
be  brought  out.  I  hurried  to  ask  if-  I  was 
wanted  for  a  patrol. 

'  'No,'  he  said,  'I'm  going  to  send  up  the  hay- 
stack expert  again.'- 

1  "Hun"  in  this  case  means  a  beginner. 


102     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"Fortunately  my  'bus  was  not  ready.  Some 
alterations  were  being  made  to  the  cowling. 

"Another  pilot  had  the  misfortune  to  land  at 
that  moment  and  the  'Hun'  was  put  into  his  ma- 
chine. This  time  he  got  off  the  ground  with  a 
series  of  ungraceful  hops,  and  once  in  the  air  did 
quite  well. 

"Then  he  tried  to  land. 

"At  the  first  essay  he  came  in  hundreds  of  feet 
too  high  and  had  the  sense  to  open  up  the  en- 
gine and  fly  round  again. 

"The  second  time  he  came  in  much  lower  but 
still  much  too  high.  In  spite  of  our  shrieks  and 
waving  of  caps  and  sticks  he  came  down  very 
fast  right  across  the  aerodrome,  touched  the 
ground  about  twenty  yards  from  the  further  edge 
and  then  ran  between  a  hangar  and  some  cot- 
tages ;  fell  six  feet  into  a  sunken  road  and  stood 
on  his  nose! 

"I  don't  forget  I've  been  a  'Hun'  myself, 
but.  .  .  . 

"I've  got  a  new  stunt.  Romney  is  enthusiastic 
about  it. 

"It  is  called  'rolling.' 

"While  the  machine  is  going  forward  it  is 
made  to  turn  over  sideways  on  to  its  back  and  to 
continue  turning  until  it  is  normal  again. 

"I  told  you  the  incident  about  B ,  a  great 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      103 

'Hun-strafer,'  who  got  up  against  some  Boche 
stunt  pilots  and  had  to  'stop  the  fight'  to  watch 
them  stunting. 

"This  was  the  principal  trick  they  were  do- 
ing. 

"I  hadn't  the  vaguest  idea  of  how  it  was  done 
until  some  days  ago  when  I  was  trying  to  im- 
prove on  my  'Immelmann'  turn.  I  hope  if  I 
ever  meet  a  lot  of  Huns  they'll  stop  the  fight  to 
watch  me  too. 

"Our  hut  looks  lovely  now — all  draped  in  pale 
blue  and  with  darker  blue  curtains  and  neat 
shelves  and  bookcases  and  pale  blue  bed-hang- 
ings. 

"But  I  want  you,  my  wonderful  lover.  I  long 
for  you  so  much.  Many  times  I  do  not  sleep 
but  think  of  you  instead,  and  my  thoughts  are  so 
thrilling.  I  love  you,  dearest  woman. 

"All  yours, 

"BILL." 

"  I  have  been  thinking  that  in  all  my  experience 
I  seldom  have  seen  a  woman  and  a  man  mated 
as  Bill  and  I  are  mated. 

At  the  best,  in  most  cases,  something  has  to  be 
sacrified  for  the  sake  of  the  something  that  is 
enjoyed. 

There  are  those  who  are  companionable  men- 


104     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

tally,  but  who  draw  one  another  by  no  charm. 
There  are  those  who  appeal  emotionally  and 
whose  mind  will  be  strangers  until  the  end — and 
at  the  end  more  strange  than  now. 

But  when  Bill  calls  me  his  "wonderful  lover" 
I  know  it  is  because  our  minds,  our  senses,  our 
spirits,  make  in  communion  the  harmony  that  is 
complete. 


XXIV 

THE  short  story  was  an  incident  merely, 
Irene's  agent  supplied  the  climax. 

Feeling  sick  with  the  obvious  I  longed  to  take 
the  nasty  taste  from  my  mouth  and  wondered 
how  to  do  it.  "I  know,"  I  thought  suddenly, 
"I'll  go  to  see  the  person  'upon  whose  advice  one 
may  rely' ;  and  if  he  doesn't  approve  of  what  was 
sent  to  him,  Bill  and  I  can  become  tinkers,  or 
two-step  experts,  or  we  might  contrive  a  risky 
acrobatic  turn  on  the  ceiling  of  a  music  hall. 
Anyway  we  needn't  scribble  any  more." 

The  building  was  in  one  of  those  streets  be- 
tween the  river  and  the  Strand.  As  the  lift- 
lady  looked  much  too  comfortable  to  be  dis- 
turbed, indifferently  I  climbed  the  stair  and, 
having  knocked  at  a  door,  gave  my  name  to  a 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      105 

male  being  so  ponderously  minute  that  I  think 
he  must  have  stepped  from  his  cradle  to  take 
this  serious  part  in  life. 

Then,  as  one  of  the  many  benefits  acquired 
by  my  amazing  marriage  is  a  less  feverish  de- 
sire for  the  haste  that  accomplishes  nothing, 
complacently  I  stood  by  a  window  watching  a 
vividly  green  creeper  grow  up  the  side  of  the 
brick  foundation  to  a  row  of  chimney  pots. 

It  was  a  miracle  of  nature  where  all  else  was 
artifice  except  the  sky. 

After  some  time  the  war-baby  re-appeared  to 
conduct  me  to  another  room  where,  immedi- 
ately, I  felt  a  most  curious  sensation  of  relief. 

For  here,  whatever  might  ensue,  was  one  who 
must  detest  the  obvious  as  surely  as  Bill  and  I 
detest  it. 

When  a  big  thing  happens  in  our  lives  I  think 
we  are  more  normal  than  when  some  trivial 
excitement  occurs. 

During  the  weeks  preceding  my  marriage,  I 
was  serene;  and  since  then  the  serenity  has 
grown,  yet  happenings  have  been  colossal. 

And,  in  that  room,  listening  to  words  which 
revealed  a  justification  of  our  work  together,  I 
felt  that  it  was  not  news  to  me — and  yet  it  was! 

It  was  news  of  the  most  beautiful  sort  for 
Vagabonds — promising  freedom  from  the  rou- 


106     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

tine  arranged  by  others ;  giving  immunity  from 
all  purpose  but  our  own. 

There  are  those  I  know  who  uphold  the  slav- 
ery of  system,  and  I  myself  agree  that  there  are 
laws  to  be  obeyed — but  the  machinery  of  life  is 
for  those  who  demand  their  problems  cut  and 
dried.  It's  neither  for  Bill  nor  for  me  nor  for 
those  who,  like  us,  would  explore. 

Yet  we  must  justify  ourselves  at  least  by  evi- 
dence that  we  are  willing  to  cope  with  the  prob- 
lem of  every  day. 

We  are  too  apt,  I  know,  to  sneer  at  the  practi- 
cal means  of  livelihood  while  still  we  eat  and 
drink. 

Calmly  spoke  the  man  "upon  whose  advice 
one  may  rely." 

That  very  day,  he  said,  proofs  of  articles  ac- 
cepted by  the  "Daily "  had  been  returned 

from  the  censor:  "to  be  passed  by  the  writer's 
C.O."  The  same  permission  would  be  neces- 
sary for  part  of  the  material  to  form  the  book, 
for  which  there  should  be  no  difficulty  in  find- 
ing a  publisher. 

"And  you  know,"  he  concluded,  "with  this 
paper  crisis  the  sooner  it  is  put  in  hand  the  bet- 
ter." 

At  first  I  thought  I  would  telegraph  to  Bill, 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      107 

and  then,  realizing  nothing  could  be  gained  in 
that  way,  I  wrote  enclosing  the  proof,  to  be  sent 
back  immediately  with  the  necessary  sanction. 

Now  I  wait — impatient  that  a  few  more  days 
must  elapse. 

I  feel  that  if  I  could  be  certain  Bill  had 
shared  my  joy  I  would  be  content. 

Those  who  love  should  know  no  barrier  of 
space  nor  distance. 

It  is  very  stupid. 

"My  dearest  One,"  he  writes  in  the  second  let- 
ter. 

"Two  perfectly  lovely  letters  have  come. 
They  were  sent  last  Saturday  and  Sunday  from 
London. 

"Darling,  how  every  detail  of  what  you  do 
and  think  thrills  me.  I  love  you. 

"I  am  sorry  my  first  letter,  addressed  to  town, 
was  not  in  time,  but  you  have  it  and  more  by 
now. 

"After  writing  to  you  yesterday  I  did  a  short 
patrol.  The  clouds  were  very  low  and  appar- 
ently there  was  nothing  doing — but  later  a  call 
came  through  reporting  a  Hun  machine  'spot- 
ting' for  the  artillery  near .  I  was  sent  up 

to  look  for  it. 

"I  got  into  the  clouds  at  2,500  feet  and  did  not 


io8     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

clear  them  under  6,000.  Then  I  went  due  east 
by  compass  and  when  I  thought  I  was  far 
enough  over  I  dived  through. 

"I  came  out  at  2,000  feet  dead  over  the 
trenches,  so  up  I  went  into  the  clouds  again  and 
found  myself  about  two  miles  further  on.  I 
patrolled  for  ten  minutes  just  under  the  clouds 
and  saw  no  Hun  and  came  home  above  the 
clouds. 

"I  led  my  patrol  of  five  not  too  badly  last 
night,  I  think,  but  'Archie'  dealt  rudely  with  us 
and  I  simply  couldn't — and  the  others  couldn't 
— keep  the  formation. 

"We  went  a  good  way  east  and  got  'Archied' 
there.  I  spotted  three  Huns  very  low  down, 
but  each  time  I  dived  they  got  under  small  banks 
of  cloud  and  I  lost  them.  Altogether,  yester- 
day, I  did  about  five  hours  flying. 

"This  morning  I  did  a  line  patrol  with  Rom- 
ney.  There  was  a  strong  west  wind  blowing 
and  we  were  constantly  being  blown  over  the 
lines.  There  were  high  banks  of  clouds  at 
about  6,000  feet  and  we  climbed  to  16,000.  The 
effect  was  very  wonderful  from  above. 

"But  there  was  nothing  doing.     No  Huns— 
not  even  'Archie.' 

"I  didn't  go  into  details  about  the  rag  be- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      109 

cause  I  thought  I  had  implied  all  there  was  to 
say. 

"Anyhow  there  were  seven  of  us  and  we  got 
there  at  5.45  P.  M.,  and  sat  in  a  cafe  and  drank 
cocktails  until  dinner  time,  and  then  had  din- 
ner. 

"Voila  tout!  Utterly  romantic,  quite  foolish, 
and  yet  I  avow  without  apology  that  I  found  it 
very  amusing  at  the  time. 

"It  was  when  we  arrived  back — a  very  noisy 
and  irresponsible  tenderful  that  the  Odd  Man 
declared  that  he  must  come  next  time. 

"Whether  to  control  or  to  join  in  the  game 
was  not  quite  clear. 

"Oh,  more  news!  The  'air-hog'  'has  just 
got  an  M.C.  for  general  keenness  and  good  work. 

"Our  flight  is  'standing  by,'  but  I  do  not 
think  we  shall  have  another  patrol. 

"This  morning  just  before  we  got  to  the  lines 
there  was  a  big  scrap  in  which  our  'tripe- 
hounds' — as  the  facetious  call  the  tri-planes — 
'got  two  Huns  and  our  two-seaters  got  one,  but 
two  of  ours  are  missing. 

"It  appears  that  the  Hun  sent  over  about 
twenty  machines  in  one  raid.  They  haven't 
been  seen  in  the  sky  to-day  apart  from  that. 

"I  have  seen  some  fellows  of  -   —  Squadron 


i  io     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

who  told  me  that  FitzGarrick's  mother  has  had 
a  letter  from  him  from  Germany. 

"I  am  wondering  where  you  are  at  this  mo- 
ment. Wherever  you  are,  I  am  always  thinking 
of  you  and  loving  you.  Whatever  I  am  doing 
I  think  of  you  all  the  time. 

"Bien  Aimee,  I  adore  you. 

"All  yours, 

"BILL." 

"P.  S. — The  letters  I  had  to-day  were  the  one 
written  in  the  train  and  the  one  of  the  day  fol- 
lowing. I  loved  both,  but  particularly  about 
your  journey.  I  recalled  our  journeys  together. 

"BILL." 

Isn't  he  perfect?  I  think  I  will  go  out  into 
the  park  and  think  about  him. 

In  the  park  people  were  doing  a  church  pa- 
rade. 

I  sat  under  a  parasol  and  watched  them  pass 
up  and  down  in  the  sunshine.  There  were  lots 
of  women  with  new  and  very  chic  clothes,  and 
there  were  soldiers  with  rows  of  ribbons. 
Those  who  had  their  "wings  up"  gave  me  a  little 
pain  in  my  heart,  for  I  remember  stitching  the 
first  pair  on  Bill's  tunic.  They  had  to  be  per- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      in 

fectly  straight,  you  know,  so  it  was  more  of  a 
task  than  it  might  have  been. 

But  I  couldn't  have  allowed  any  one  else  to  do 
it,  of  course. 

Then  there  were  "The  Creditors" — the 
maimed  and  blinded  ones — some  in  bath  chairs; 
some  on  crutches;  some  holding  each  other  by 
the  arm  for  guidance. 

They  had  young  faces  and  I  wondered  if  they 
must  move  like  that  until  time  should  make  their 
faces  old. 

I  would  have  liked  to  speak  to  them — to  com- 
fort myself  by  hearing  that  their  spirits  dis- 
missed restraint  though  their  feet  no  more  could 
carry  them  swiftly  where  they  chose  to  go. 

I  hoped  too  that  each  had  found  his  woman 
and  that  each  woman  had  kept  faith. 

How  marvelous,  I  thought,  would  be  the 
spiritual  revelation  of  such  a  union,  if  the  man 
were  great  enough  to  accept  the  love  and  service, 
and  the  woman  felt  all  joy  in  giving! 

•  •••••• 

iS'ome  one  spoke  my  name. 

Dragging  my  mind  from  its  abstraction,  I 
looked — and  there  was  Harvey  leaning  on  his 
two  rubber-capped  sticks. 

I  stared  without  speaking  for  a  moment  or 
two,  and  then  feebly  said,  "Hullo!" 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 


XXV 

IT  has  been  a  warm  and  lovely  evening.  We 
dined  in  Piccadilly  and  afterwards  came  out 
into  the  gloaming  to  wander  along  under  the 
deep  sky. 

Past  the  clubs  overlooking  the  Green  Park  we 
went.  Harvey  unwarlike  in  his  conventional 

j 

dinner  clothes,  but  warlike  enough  in  his  dis- 
ablement, stumped  along  on  his  sticks  at  my 
side. 

It  seemed  so  familiar,  so  much  a  repetition  of 
what  had  been,  that  I  felt  obliged  to  remind 
myself  all  was  not  as  before;  that  now,  released 
from  the  feverish  bondage  which  had  enchained 
me,  I  could  walk  calmly,  guarded  by  the  se- 
curity of  my  true  love. 

At  last,  contemplating  the  brown  earth  of  the 
empty  row,  we  paused. 

At  dinner  the  talk  had  been  superficial,  as  it 
is  with  two  who  have  been  intimate  and  between 
whom  there  is  no  more  intimacy. 

And  during  the  walk  we  hadn't  spoken;  but 
now,  abruptly,  Harvey  said : 

"So  you've  solved  the  problem  .  .  .  your 
marriage  is  a  success!" 


.MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      113 

For  a  while  I  had  no  reply.  What  is  one  to 
say  to  such  a  statement? 

Whoever  "solves  the  problem"  and  what  is 
"success"? 

Could  I  tell  him,  to  whom  ambition  had 
seemed  all  important  during  the  days  when  I 
would  have  given  myself;  given  my  body — and 
my  mind,  with  its  woman's  capacity  of  which 
men  have  need  though  they  may  neither  admit 
nor  know  it — that  my  marriage  had  taken  me  to 
an  enchanted  world? 

I  could  tell  him  in  a  measure — and  I  did,  in 
fairness  to  Bill  .  .  .  and  myself. 

Yet  I  had  understood  him  so  well. 

His  Destiny  had  given  him  his  gods;  those 
gods  that  mocked  me  to  my  utter  desolation. 
Even  war  and  his  part  in  it  had  left  them  firmly 
rooted ;  and  if,  eager  to  escape,  I  had  fled  away 
at  last,  the  fault  was  mine,  not  his. 

My  Destiny  had  led  me  to  my  garden — and 
the  irony  of  it  was  that  the  gods  fell  as  I  turned 
to  go.  He  was  left  alone  outside  without  them 
—even  without  me!  I  had  no  wish — Oh,  in- 
deed, indeed  I  had  no  wish,  for  such  a  victory! 

My  hope  now  is  that  some  other  woman  may 
come  and  guide  him  also  into  the  place  where 
truth  is 


ii4     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

Bill's  letter  of  this  morning — Monday — still 
says  nothing  of  the  proofs  and  the  stupendous 
news  about  the  book.  Counting  the  posts  again 
I  know  that  even  Tuesday  may  not  bring  his  re- 
ply. 

But  the  sight  of  his  writing  is  sufficient  to 
dwarf  everything  else. 

"  'Cherie,'  he  begins. 

"Another  thrilling  letter  from  you — the  one 
written  last  Monday  in  the  Park  when  you  stayed 
there  all  day  with  the  Babes. 

"Both  I  and  my  pen  are  speechless  over  it.  I 
cannot  say  anything  adequate.  You  are  my  life. 

"More  news  of  the  'Air  Hog!' 

"Last  night  he  was  seen  to  be  hit — presum- 
ably by  'Archie.'  His  machine  went  down 
under  control  and  crashed  on  the  ground.  This 
was  about  a  mile  behind  the  front  line  trenches. 

"Several  hours  later  the  Odd  Man  was  able  to 
find  him  in  a  casualty  station.  He  had  a  com- 
pound fracture  of  the  right  leg  and  the  left  ankle 
was  smashed  up.  He  was  quite  conscious  and 
could  tell  all  about  it. 

"His  machine  had  been  hit  when  he  was  fly- 
ing low  at  about  4,500  feet.  A  gas  attack  and  a 
big  bombardment  were  on  at  the  time. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      115 

The  shell  hit  the  engine  and  burst  on  per- 
cussion. It  blew  out  part  of  the  engine,  tore 
off  the  under  carriage  and  made  a  big  hole  in 
the  bottom  of  the  fuselage. 

"The  'Air  Hog'  was  hit  in  the  legs  by  frag- 
ments of  shell.  He  found  himself  sitting  in  an 
open  framework  with  one  leg  dangling  down 
useless. 

"With  the  other,  the  left,  although  the  ankle 
was  smashed,  he  managed  to  steer.  Though  the 
balance  was  all  wrong,  he  forced  his  machine 
down  in  a  steady  glide,  avoided  some  trees  and 
chose  a  clear  place  to  land. 

"He  crashed  on  landing,  of  course,  but 
crawled  out  of  the  hole  in  front  and  was  found 
by  the  ambulance  men  a  few  minutes  later.  He 
was  perfectly  conscious  and  never  lost  conscious- 
ness the  whole  time. 

"It  was  a  wonderful  performance  and  a  mir- 
acle too,  to  have  a  direct  hit  and  still  be  alive. 
He  may  be  badly  crippled,  but  he  is  in  no 
"serious  danger. 

"No  more  'jolly  old  patrols'  for  him,  how- 
ever! 

•  •••••• 

"I  interrupted  the  writing  of  this  to  play  a  set 
of  tennis.  It  is  frightfully  hot  and  I  am  sitting 
now  on  my  bed  with  a  long  drink  on  the  table 


n6     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 


beside  me — white  wine,  lemon  squash,  and  soda. 

"I  am  not  due  out  on  patrol  until  this  evening, 
but  before  that  I  am  going  up  to  test  my  ma- 
chine. The  original  engine  has  been  taken  out 
to  be  overhauled  after  doing  nearly  sixty  hours, 
and  a  new  engine  is  being  put  in. 

"Tell  Babe  the  Second  that  I  promise  to  write 
to  her  soon.  The  Golliwog  she  made  still 
scouts  for  Huns. 

"I  was  glad  about  your  decision  not  to  see 
Harvey  when  in  town.  Yes,  I  think  you  could 
do  no  less  than  answer  his  letter. 

"Oh,  my  dearest  woman,  I  love  you.  I  send 
you  all  my  most  passionate  vows. 

"BILL." 

•  •  *  •  •  •  • 

Reading  those  last  words  I  wish  that  I  had  not 
dined  with  Harvey  last  night.  I  wouldn't  care 
for  Bill  to  dine  with  a  woman  who  had  kissed 
him  before  he  knew  me. 

But  at  the  moment  it  seemed  to  be  making  too 
much  of  it  to  refuse.  The  meeting  of  the  morn- 
ing was  accidental  too. 

I  hope  the  "Air  Hog"  has  a  woman  some- 
where who  will  give  thanks  for  his  escape;  for 
I  think  that  among  all  this  waste  the  least  waste- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     117 

ful  exits  are  made  by  those  who  leave  no  one  to 
weep.     Then  one  dies  instead  of  two. 


XXVI 

THIS  has  come. 

"Dearest, 

"Just  a  line  to  say  I  have  submitted  the  proof 
to  the  C.O.,  but  he  has  not  returned  it  yet. 

"In  case  it  is  used  it  must  not  be  signed.  I 
am  sorry. 

"I  will  write  this  evening  at  length. 
"All  yours, 

"BILL." 

Oh,  I  want  his  other  letter  quickly.  I  want 
to  telephone  to  the  man  "upon  whose  advice 
one  may  rely"  and  tell  him  that  everything  can 
progress  furiously. 

Wait!  Here  is  Purcell  with  a  telegram. 
-Now  we  can  go  ahead! 

We  can't  go  ahead! — The  wire  says  "Permis- 
sion refused!" 

But  this  is  impossible.  There  was  nothing — 
nothing — in  the  proof  to  give  "information"  of 


ii8     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

any  sort  to  the  enemy.  Why  otherwise  should 
permission  be  refused?  This  means  that  not 
only  the  articles  but  the  book  must  be  held  over. 
And  of  what  use  will  they  be  afterwards? 
Their  whole  value  lies  in  the  human  appeal  they 
would  make  to  men  and  women  at  this  very 
instant.  How  can  I  exist  until  to-morrow's 
letter  comes? 

It  has  come — the  letter  of  explanation — but 
I  am  unconvinced.  How  could  I  be  convinced 
with  this: — 

"My  dearest  One, 

"I  am  sorry.  The  C.O.  is  afraid  that  the 
squadron  would  be  too  easily  recognized,  and 
I  think  the  same. 

"I  don't  know  what  to  do  now.  We  can  only 
wait  until  I  come  home  on  leave. 

"Yesterday  I  did  two  patrols — the  early  one 
at  4.30  A.  M.  and  the  last  at  7.30.  There  was 
nothing  doing  on  either. 

"To-night  we  are  having  a  special  celebration 
dinner.  Romney,  who  has  been  out  here  a  long 
time,  and  has  brought  down  many  Huns,  is 
going  home  to-morrow. 

"We  expect  he  will  get  a  squadron  and  his 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     119 

majority — in  addition  to  his  M.C.,  and  Croix 
de  Guerre. 

"He  is  an  awfully  dear  fellow  and  absolutely 
the  stoutest-hearted  I  have  ever  met.  He  is 
about  35  and  married. 

"This  morning  I  went  up  for  a  joy-ride  and 
did  an  hour  over  the  lines  alone. 

"I  hope  you  are  not  very  depressed  over  the 
wash-out.  I'm  not — though  I'm  disappointed. 
We  have  done  something  in  any  case. 

"And  I  love  you  and  I  know  you  love  me. 
Dear,  dear  one. 

"All  yours, 

"BILL." 

How  could  he — what  does  he  mean  by  writ- 
ing to  me  like  that  after  all  my  striving? 

It  was  my  "bit" — the  only  thing  I  could  do 
for  him  while  he  did  his  share. 

I  was  so  glad  because  I  thought  he  would  be 
overjoyed. 

It  was  utterly  wrong  for  him  to  agree  with 
the  C.O.  What  does  a  "tousle-headed  youth  in 
pyjamas"  know  of  our  career?  Couldn't  Bill 
have  argued  with  him  and  explained  that  any- 
thing identifying  the  squadron  to  any  one,  ex- 
cept the  squadron  itself,  could  be  altered?  But 
to  leave  it  like  that — just  final! 


120     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

And  he  doesn't  seem  to  mind.  I  daren't 
write  to  him,  I  might  say  too  much  . 

I  did  write  yesterday  after  all,  because  I 
realized  that  I  should  be  sorry  afterwards  to 
know  that  Bill  didn't  have  a  letter  for  each  day. 

I  told  him  that  I  think  he  should  have  made 
some  effort  about  this  opportunity  that  will,  per- 
haps, affect  his  and  my  whole  future;  but  I 
don't  think  I  expressed  my  amazement  at  his 
airy  dismissal  of  it  all.  Now  I  hope  I  didn't, 
for  it  seems  so  trivial  when  one  reads  this : 

"Ma  Bien  Aimee, 

"Your  letter  of  last  Thursday  saying  you  have 
managed  to  do  another  short  story  has  just  come. 
I  am  glad  about  that,  for  you  must  be  disap- 
pointed about  the  other  'wash-out'  after  all  your 
hard  work. 

•  •••••* 

"Things  have  livened  up  again  considerably. 
After  writing  you  yesterday  I  went  out  on  an 

escort  job  over  X .  I  am  leading  patrols 

now  all  the  time  and  am  temporarily  in  com- 
mand of  my  flight. 

"We  flew  very  high  to  protect  a  two-seater 
taking  photos. 

"After  it  had  finished  and  gone  I  spotted  two 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     121 

Hun  scouts  going  south.  We  chased  them  to 
X—  — ,  and  then  about  five  miles  further  east, 
but  could  not  come  up  with  them. 

"After  tea  I  went  out  a  third  time  with  one 

other  fellow.     At  17,000  feet  over  X three 

Hun  scouts  appeared  suddenly  above  me.  I 
was  very  surprised,  for  the  sky  was  thick  with 
our  own  scouts,  but  they  were  all  further  west. 

For  a  few  minutes  we  kept  our  positions. 
Then  the  Huns  came  nearer  until  at  last  I  pulled 
down  my  gun  and  fired  up  at  the  nearest,  who 
was  about  200  feet  above  me.  He  did  a  sudden 
turn,  when  I  had  fired  about  25  rounds,  and 
dived  steeply  away. 

"The  others  twisted  and  turned,  and  I  thought 
they  were  going  to  dive  on  me,  but  a  patrol  of 
our  scouts  came  up  and  the  Huns  sheered  off. 

"Towards  the  end  of  the  patrol  when  I  was 
losing  height  I  saw  four  red  Hun  Scouts  below 
me  and  dived  on  the  nearest.  (The  other  fel- 
low with  me  I  had  lost.  He  had  got  mixed  up 
in  another  formation.) 

_  "I  fired  twenty  rounds  at  long  range;  and  the 
whole  four  turned  away! 

"This  morning  six  of  us — Kyle  leading  one 
and  I  the  other  formation — had  to  escort  six 
machines  that  were  going  for  photos  again.  It 
turned  out  awfully  well.  The  photo  people  led 


122     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

at  about  n,ooo  and  we  were  above  and  at  either 
side  slightly  to  the  rear. 

"The  poor  leaders  got  smothered  in  'Archie' 
bursts  the  whole  time  and  we  sailed  along  above 
in  comfort 

"At  last,  when  a  long  way  over,  a  formation 
of  Hun  scouts  and  two-seaters  appeared  to  the 
north-west  of  us.  The  Huns  didn't  see  us  and 
went  for  the  two-seaters;  and  seemed  surprised 
when  we  dived  into  the  middle  of  them. 

"I  picked  out  a  fat  two-seater  and  put  fifty 
rounds  into  him.  He  sent  out  clouds  of  smoke 
and  fumes  and  started  diving  away.  I  couldn't 
watch  it  because  for  the  next  ten  minutes  we 
were  in  a  swirl  of  Huns  and  ourselves,  all  tear- 
ing round  and  round  and  firing  guns. 

"When  finally  we  got  into  some  sort  of  forma- 
tion again  all  of  us  were  there  intact. 

"I  climbed  up  again  with  one  other  fellow 
following,  to  head  off  five  Huns  who  were  com- 
ing up  from  the  south,  and  for  twenty  minutes 
we  maneuvered  until  finally  the  Huns  went  too 
far  over  the  lines  to  follow. 

"We  all  got  back  and  found  that  one  fellow 
had  got  one  Hun  down  for  certain.  All  had 
had  scraps  at  close  quarters  with  results  not  seen. 

"I  had  rather  a  'head'  last  night  when  I  got 
down — after  nearly  three  hours  during  the  day 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      123 

at  over  16,000  feet.  However,  I  forgot  all 
about  it  at  dinner — our  farewell  to  Romney — 
and  to-day  I  am  quite  fit  again. 

"I  forgot  to  tell  you  that  the  Air  Hog  had  to 
lose  one  leg  below  the  knee.  He  is  getting  on 
quite  well  though  up  to  now. 

"I  don't  think  many  people  have  so  well  won 
an  M.C. 

"Dearest,  most  precious  one,  I  don't  want  you 
to  work  so  hard  as  you  have  been  doing — espe- 
cially in  town.  You  will  begin  to  look  tired 
again. 

"Aimee,  I  love  you. 

"BILL." 

But,  Bill  dear,  what  are  we  women  to  do  just 
now  if  we  don't  work  "too  hard"?  How  can 
we  sit  in  idleness  and  think  of  the  risks  you 
take?  Indeed,  in  that  case  we  should  look  more 
than  tired.  There  would  be  nothing  left  when 
"you  came  to  find  us. 


XXVII 

HE  "upon  whose  advice  one  may  rely"  thinks 
that  the  book  will  be  of  use  afterwards,  and  that 


124     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"Ad  Astra"  might,  with  advantage,  preface.it 

This  will  be  good  news  to  Bill  and  it  is  good 
news  to  me — but  truly  I  admit  my  triviality. 

What  does  a  mere  disappointment  matter 
these  days? 

What  does  anything  matter  except  that  lovers 
should  be  re-united ;  and  by  lovers  I  think  of 
them  that  love — mothers  and  children;  hus- 
bands and  wives;  and  those  whose  union  is  not 
recognized — all,  all  who  love! 

But  yes,  something  matters  more.  It  is  that 
they  who  lose  their  lovers  may  not  lose  also 
Faith  and  Hope,  and  Charity. 

Oh,  there  must  be  an  afterwards.  This  can't 
be  the  End. 

"Darling  lover" — Bill  says  to-day. 

"I  cannot  explain  how  anxious  I  am  about 
your  disappointment. 

"Your  lovely  letter  .which  came  this  morning 
—written  on  Friday  last,  was  so  glowing  with 
the  thought  of  our  success  that  it  quite  gave  me  a 
pain  to  think  that  by  now  you  have  my  telegram 
and  know  we  have  come  to  a  dead  end — in  that 
direction  at  any  rate. 

"I  think  I  got  two  Huns  last  night.  It  was 
on  the  last  patrol  again;  it  is  becoming  a  reg- 


125 

ular  thing  to  meet  all  the  Huns  just  about  sun- 
set. 

"I  led  a  formation  of  six  and  crossed  the  lines 
at  11,000  feet.  When  I  turned  down  south  I 
saw  five  Hun  scouts  about  two  miles  away  east 
and  maneuvered  to  approach  them  with  the  sun 
behind  me. 

"The  sun  is  absolutely  blinding  at  sunset 
when  you're  in  the  sky. 

"I  got  quite  close  to  the  nearest  one  and  fired 
30  rounds  at  him.  He  and  the  others  dived  east 
straight  away,  and  in  turning  west  I  lost  sight 
of  them. 

"But  one  of  my  patrol  watched  for  several 
minutes  the  Hun  I  had  fired  at  and  saw  him 
falling  and  fluttering  about  right  to  the  ground, 
quite  out  of  control. 

"Twenty  minutes  later,  when  coming  north 
again — alJ  this  was  about  six  miles  east  of  the 
lines — I  saw  a  formation  of  red  scouts.  They 
were  a  long  way  below  us,  and  I  had  also  to  go 
down  indirectly  to  get  the  sun  Behind  me  again. 

"At  last  I  did  this  and  then  went  all  out  for 
the  nearest  one.  There  were  seven  of  them.  I 
got  quite  close  again  and  finished  my  drum, 
zoomed  out  and  climbed  west  again. 

"While  changing  the  empty  drum  for  a  full 
one  I  looked  around  and  saw  the  Hun  I  had 


iz6     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

tackled  slowly  stall,  stand  upright,  and  then  fall 
down  sideways;  sometimes  he  spun,  sometimes 
dived.  I  must  have  got  him  too. 

"Having  a  full  drum  on  the  gun  again  I  went 
back.  I  could  see  the  various  ones  of  my  patrol 
diving  on  to  the  red  scouts.  I  chose,  as  I 
thought,  the  nearest  Hun  and  started  firing. 
The  gun  stopped  after  one  shot. 

"But  as  I  reached  up  to  clear  the  stoppage  I 
heard  the  horrible  noise  of  a  Hun's  double  gun 
just  behind  me. 

"I  hadn't  chosen  the  nearest  Hun  after  all, 
but  had  passed  one;  and  now  he  was  on  my 
tail. 

"I  spun;  the  horrid  noise  stopped,  so  I 
stopped  spinning. 

"Instantly  the  horrid  noise  started  again. 

"I  spun  again.  Once  more  the  noise  stopped 
and  gently  I  eased  my  machine  out  of  the  spin 
and  the  dive. 

"But  the  Hun  was  still  there. 

"When  I  heard  the  noise  a  third  time  I 
simply  shut  off  the  engine  and  fell  down. 

"I  had  started  scrapping  at  12,000.  I  ven- 
tured to  pull  out  level  at  7,000. 

"Afterwards  I  learned  that  a  scout  of  another 
squadron  had  dived  on  the  Hun  on  my  tail  and 
had  shot  him  down. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      127 

"My  machine  wasn't  hit  anywhere.  I  didn't 
stay  still  long  enough,  I  suppose. 

"Out  of  the  seven  red  scouts  another  squadron 
got  two  and  I  got  one — the  others  of  my  patrol 
didn't  all  get  there  in  time  to  scrap,  but  they 
saw  my  first  one  fluttering. 

"To-day  is  'dud';  the  first  Mud'  day  since  I 
saw  Dick  nearly  a  fortnight  ago. 

"Au  revoir,  my  sweet  woman. 
"I  am  all  yours, 

"BILL." 

Two  Huns  within  a  few  minutes!  Well,  as 
he  is  there  for  that  purpose  I  suppose  the  more 
he  gets  the  sooner  the  purpose  will  cease;  but  I 
can't  be  persuaded  that  because  some  wives 
were  born  in  Hun-land  they  wait  less  anxiously 
for  each  post — that  the  sight  of  a  telegram  has 
less  power  to  stab  their  hearts! 

I  believe  that,  however  it  is  spelt,  anguish 
must  mean  the  same  thing.  Yes,  I  think  of  the 
wives  always.  May  their  gods  give  them  Faith 
and  Hope  and  Charity. 

XXVIII 

IRENE  has  forwarded  a  letter  from  an  old 
man  I  know.  He  says,  "...  I  have  searched 


iz8     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

my  motor-map  and  Bradshaw  for  your  where- 
abouts. What  a  Saxon  nest  for  her  for  whom 
I  invented  an  Egyptian  classical  name*!" 

You  see  it  pleases  him  to  be  facetious  at  my 
expense,  but  he  does  it  in  the  form  of  flattery, 
and  that  is  why  I  wonder  he  escaped  marriage. 

I  like  to  think  that  he  has  been  very  true  to 
some  one,  who  was  taken  away.  But  I'm  a  sen- 
timentalist now-a-days,  am  I  not? 

Last  night,  in  answer,  I  telephoned  to  say  I 
had  left  my  "Saxon  nest"  for  a  while;  and  to- 
night, at  his  flat,  we  dined  together,  for  I  re- 
fused his  offer  of  "other  guests."  Other  guests 
are  all  very  well  when  you  have  had  your  say; 
but  I  wanted  to  bring  our  friendship  up  to 
date. 

The  dinner  was  perfect  and  the  atmosphere 
so  rare  in  its  austere  sincerity.  Certainly  the 
servant,  who,  at  that  table,  hands  one  the  most 
delicious  food,  is  not  quite  so  aged  as  my  host, 
but  his  courtesy  is  equal. 

To  celebrate  my  marriage  we  drank  cham- 
pagne. I  liked  it. 

Afterwards,  over  our  coffee  and  cigar  and 
cigarette,  we  discussed  music,  and  my  host's 
work  on  war-hospital  committees,  and  Bill ;  and 
we  gossiped  too,  without  malice,  about  people 
known  to  both  of  us. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      129 

Then  I  asked  him  to  come  and  refresh  him- 
self with  a  sight  of  our  lovely  Downs. 

At  his  age  he  should  sit  in  a  garden,  under 
God's  own  Heaven,  instead  of  wallowing  in  the 
smoke  and  grime  of  cities — but  he  refused, 
pleading  his  hospital  duties. 

I  imagine  he  feels  the  absolute  necessity  for 
activity.  He  knows  rest  must  come  soon 
enough  maybe! 

Bill  said  this  morning: 

"Darling, 

"Another  of  those,  fortunately,  rare  days 
when  no  letter  has  come  from  you.  All  the 
post  brought  was  a  letter  from  Dick.  He  says: 

"  What  a  sensation  you  made.  .  .  .  They  are 
still  talking  about  it  in  the  Battery.  It  was  a 
fine  exhibition.' 

"Darling,  I  do  wish  I  could  show  you  too, 
because  you  can't  imagine  how  beautiful  my 
machine  looks  stunting  and  flashing  in  the  sun. 

"There  was  nothing  doing  all  day  yesterday, 
and  after  the  early  patrol  this  morning  the 
clouds  came  down  low  again.  But  now  it  is 
clearer  and  I  expect  I  shall  be  out  to-night.  In 
any  case  if  there  is  no  patrol  I  shall  go  out  on 
the  range. 


130     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"The  day  after  you  should  receive  this  you 
will  be  traveling  to  the  country  again.  I  would 
like  to  be  there  in  your  room  when  you  get  back 
to  it. 

"Or,  dearest  one,  to  be  near  you.  ...  I  love 
you,  my  wife. 

"All  yours, 

"BILL." 

I  can't  bear  it.  ...  I  can't  bear  it.  ...  I 
want  him  to  be  there,  in  my  room,  waiting  for 
me! 

We  have  come  to  the  "Saxon  Nest"  again; 
but  neither  Irene  nor  Nanny  nor  the  family  of 
one  are  here. 

They  are  to  suffer  a  month  of  duty  visits ;  and 
so  that  this  house  may  not  become  too  wrapped 
up  in  its  own  reflections,  I  have  brought  The 
Babes. 

We  have  no  maid. 

One  of  the  seven — or  is  it  nine? — wonders  of 
the  world  comes  in  the  early  morning  to  light 
the  kitchen  fire  and  clean  everything  to  spot- 
lessness.  Afterwards  she  goes  back  to  her  cot- 
tage to  cope  with  the  necessities  of  four  small 
children — which  means  cooking  and  cleaning, 
and  cleaning  and  cooking.  ,She  grows  her 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     131 

own  vegetables  too,  and  works  in  the  fields 
and  does  all  the  washing  and  ironing  for  this 
household  besides  the  flannels  from  the  vicar- 
age. 

She  never  appears  to  hurry,  nor  to  be  tired, 
and  her  personal  cleanliness  is  overwhelming. 
Her  second  husband  is  "at  the  war,"  and  an- 
other child  has  a  small  grave  in  the  churchyard 
here. 

There's  a  life  for  you! 

The  Babes  are  enraptured.  Each  has  her! 
room,  which  she  keeps  tidy;  and  we  all  make 
our  own  beds. 

Then  we  cook  too. 

I  don't  know  why  we  were  expected  to  know 
that  cornflour  must  be  mixed  in  cold  milk  be- 
fore being  added  to  the  hot  milk. 

We  know  now. 

Then  I  would  have  you  bear  in  mind  that  raw 
meat  doesn't  keep,  although  the  butcher  calls 
only  twice  a  week. 

-  The  smell  was  horrible.  The  seventh  or 
ninth  wonder  removed  it  and  gave  a  short,  crisp 
lecture  on  "partial  cooking." 

We  grow  wiser  each  day.  Soon  I  shall  be 
fitted  to  call  myself  a  wife. 

Yesterday  afternoon,  on  the  Downs,  Betty 
helped  me  to  boil  a  kettle,  while  Bey  romped 


132     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

about  without  a  stitch  of  clothing  on  except  a 
shady  panama  hat.  The  sun  loved  her  body 
and  poured  down  his  warmth  upon  her. 

This  is  how  we  boiled  our  kettle.  Before 
starting,  into  an  empty  syrup  tin  we  poured  a 
very  small  amount  of  paraffin  oil  and  a  small 
spoonful  of  salt.  Then  when  we  wanted  our 
stove  we  uncovered  and  placed  it  in  a  hollow  of 
stones  piled  a  little  higher  than  itself  so  that  a 
draught  could  wander  between  it  and  the  kettle. 
Into  the  paraffin  we  dropped  a  lighted  fir  cone. 
Two  or  three  times  the  flame  went  out  and  we 
had  to  fish  for  the  cone  and  re-light  it,  but  at 
length  it  blazed  and  the  kettle  boiled  imme- 
diately. The  salt,  while  keeping  the  paraffin 
from  lighting  so  easily,  prevents  it  burning 
away  at  once. 

Our  wisdom  was  not  our  own.  We  learned  it 
at  the  vicarage  while  consuming  an  enormous 
tea  the  day  before. 

Betty  said  afterwards  that  probably  they 
thought  we  had  had  no  lunch,  which  wasn't 
exactly  true — but  nearly.  The  meat  episode 
had  taken  place  during  the  morning,  you  see. 

This  letter  of  Bill's  is  too  wonderful.  It 
makes  me  ache  with  desire  for  him. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     133 

"My  dearest,  dearest  one, 

"The  blank  of  yesterday  was  filled  to-day  by 
your  two  lovely  letters  of  Saturday  and  Sun- 
day. 

"Aimee,  my  dear  wife,  all  your  wonderings 
and  questionings  thrill  me  beyond  words;  cer- 
tainly beyond  written  words.  Were  I  close  to 
you  my  first  answer  would  be  to  kiss  you  till  you 
could  not  breathe. 

"But  I  can't  put  down  on  paper  all  that  I 
would  say.  This  I  can  say:  that  I  am  amazed 
all  the  time  at  the  miracle  of  our  marriage; 
amazed  at  finding  myself  capable  of  the  richest 
love,  for  I  have  no  reservations  of  which  I  am 
conscious ;  I  am  all  yours  and  I  want  to  deserve 
all  you. 

"I  am  amazed  and  thrilled  that  so  deeply 
tender  and  passionate  a  love  should  bring  me 
such  sanity  and  clearness  in  my  mental  attitude 
to  you.  I  live  only  for  you,  my  wife.  I  am 
utterly  yours. 

"By  now  you  will  have  written  to  me  after 
hearing  that  the  Book  and  'Daily  -  '  articles 
can't  go  on. 

"In  a  short  time  now — the  time  we  dare  not 
speak  of — we'll  be  able  to  put  our  heads  to- 


i34     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

gether  and  make  something,  from  the  material, 
with  which  we  shall  have  no  difficulty. 

"Last  night  I  started  out  on  a  line  patrol,  but 
the  clouds  were  so  thick  that  I  got  lost  and 
came  down  2,000  feet  over  the  trenches. 

"I  had  only  the  'Hun'  with  me — his  first  time 
over  the  lines.  He  was  quite  delighted  because 
he  saw  a  real  Hun  soldier  in  the  trenches. 

"This  morning  we  were  up  at  4.45,  but  the 
clouds  were  too  low,  so  we  went  back  to  bed. 

"Later  I  went  to  the  range,  but  when  I  started 
firing  my  gun  didn't  jam.  On  the  contrary  it 
wouldn't  stop  firing! 

"I  scattered  about  90  rounds  over  the  country 
side  and  came  back  to  strafe  the  gun-room. 

"This  evening  I  am  due  out  on  an  O.P. 

"I  don't  know  if  I  told  you  about  our  contour 
chasing. 

"The  Squadron  has  gone  quite  mad  over  it. 
Nearly  always  on  returning  from  patrol  we 
come  down  low  and  chase  around  the  roads  and 
the  camps  about  fifty  feet  off  the  ground.  It  is 
quite  amusing  and  some  funny  things  happen. 

"One  fellow  saw  a  band  giving  a  concert  one 
evening.  He  was  about  300  feet  high.  Open- 
ing out  his  engine  to  produce  its  full  noise  he 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     135 

spiralled  down  directly  over  their  heads. 

"For  some  moments  nothing  happened,  and 
then  he  saw  the  conductor — a  fat  man — fling 
down  his  baton  and  throw  up  his  arms  in  de- 
spair. The  bandmen  could  not  hear  themselves 
play! 

"There  was  a  big  crowd  of  Tommies  there, 
and  as  the  machine  zoomed  up  again  they 
cheered  and  laughed  and  waved  their  caps,  and 
the  pilot  laughed  so  much  that  he  couldn't  fly 
straight. 

"Doesn't  sound  fair,  does  it?  However,  the 
infantry  still  has  a  wonderfully  good  opinion  of 
us. 

"I  am  going  to  the  range  now  when  I  have 
posted  this  to  you. 

"All  my  most  passionate  love, 

"BILL." 

Aren't  all  men  babes? 

I  think  it  is  well  that  in  the  midst  of  death 
they  can  laugh  so  easily  at  life! 


XXIX 

BETTY  and  I  are  cooks! 

I  used  to  think  those  who  could  turn  raw  flour 


136     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

and  other  raw  things  into  something  one  liked 
to  eat  must  have  a  special  gift.  Now  I  no 
longer  am  surprised,  except  that  any  one  should 
go  on  doing  it  day  after  day.  We  enjoyed  our- 
selves because  it  was  adventure;  but  I  shouldn't 
care  to  be  obliged  to  spend  my  time  in  a  kitchen 
—even  such  a  darling  of  a  kitchen  as  this— 
whether  I  felt  inclined  or  otherwise. 

Our  cakes  are  perfect,  and  the  -cornflour  jelly 
stuff  slips  down  like  a  dream.  That's  because 
it  was  flavored  with  chocolate  and  had  the 
beaten  white  of  eggs  stirred  in  at  the  last  min- 
ute. 

Prunes  and  rhubarb  simply  cook  themselves 
while  you  fold  your  hands  and  sit  on  the  kitchen 
table!  I  did  so  and  re-read  my  letter  from  Bill. 

"My  darling, 

"We  are  nearly  sure  that  the  enclosed  cutting 
describes  the  scraps  we  had  several  days  ago. 
Refer  to  my  letter  and  see  how  nearly  like  it 
that  is. 

"In  some  details  it  varies  but  not  in  much. 

"Then,  again,  the  last  paragraph  obviously 
refers  to  the  'Air  Hog' — except  that  he  never 
lost  consciousness. 

"I  loved  your  letter  of  Monday,  which  I  got 
at  lunch  to-day.  I  love  your  'moods,'  too. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     137 

And  you  see  how  gravely  I  take  them? 

"My  dear,  my  dear,  when  we  love  we  trust 
and  understand,  and  we  treasure  all  each  other's 
quaintnesses.  I  love  you  always  and  am  all  yours. 

"Later. 

"The  flight  got  two  Huns  to-day.  The  new 
'flight  commander  Allison  got  one  and  Gra- 
haeme,  who  is  generally  in  my  patrol,  got  the 
other. 

"It  was  on  our  return  from  escorting  six  two- 
seaters.  Four  Hun  machines  actually  were 
over  our  side  of  the  lines  and  Allison  and 
Grahaeme  climbed  up  while  on  the  east  of  them 
and  shot  one  each  from  underneath. 

"Grahaeme's  was  confirmed  from  the  ground. 
It  was  seen  to  fall  in  the  lines. 

"To-day  I  got  your  first  letter,  written  after 
knowing  of  the  C.O.'s  refusal. 

"I  am  just  as  sick  about  it  as  you  are,  dearest 
one.  Don't,  please,  think  I  approve  of  the  C.O. 
refusing;  but  all  the  same,  I  had  to  agree  with 
what  he  said. 

"It  is  the  rigid  etiquette  of  the  R.F.C.  that, 
individually,  squadrons  and  pilots  should  not  be 
mentioned.  (Ball  is  the  solitary  exception.) 
The  C.O.  said  the  squadron  would  be  recog- 
nized. I  couldn't  deny  that. 


138     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"But,  anyhow,  right  or  wrong,  having  so 
much  vital  daily  work  to  do,  I  simply  cannot 
even  argue  with  him  over  this  now.  When  I 
get  to  England  I  must  try  to  arrange  something 
with  you. 

"I  am  sorry,  so  sorry,  my  dearest,  to  think  of 
all  your  work  and  your  hopes  standing  by  for 
such   a   flimsy   reason.     Please   do   not  be   too 
•much  disappointed.     Wait  a  little. 

"Darling,  you   are  so  intensely  precious  to 
me.     I  love  you  and  want  you  just  frightfully. 
"All  my  love, 

"BILL." 


To-day  I  should  loathe  to  cook.  I  have  a 
"head."  It's  the  one  Bill  had  the  other  day  and 
it  has  just  traveled  across.  For  that  reason  I 
welcome  it — but  I'm  glad  I  don't  have  to 
cook! 

There  is  enough  food  in  the  pantry  to  satisfy 
the  appetites  of  Betty  and  Bey,  and  I  shall  live 
on  tea  and  cigarettes  for  the  next  few  hours. 

That  sounds  like  asking  for  trouble,  doesn't 
it;  but  if  you  obey  your  instinct  in  these  things 
you  can't  go  wrong.  Some  "heads"  wouldn't 
tolerate  tea  or  cigarettes — and  some  will! 
Mine  is  the  second  sort. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     139 

Bill's  letter  is  a  tonic,  though. 

''Darling  one,"  I  read. 

"You  are  settled  again  in  the  country  by  now 
I  suppose,  and  with  The  Babes.  My  longing 
to  be  with  you  grows  more  intense. 

"I  love  you  with  all  my  life,  bien-Aimee. 

'Yesterday  morning  one  of  our  pilots  was 
wounded.  He  had  been  here  only  three  weeks 
and  has  done  awfully  well. 

"When  he  was  wounded  he  was  attacking  a 
two-seater  and  was  underneath  it.  The  ob- 
server stood  up  and  fired  down  on  him  and  he 
was  hit  in  the  hip  joint. 

"He  came  home  and  made  a  good  landing, 
but  is  rather  bad  for  he  lost  a  lot  of  blood. 

"This  morning  Grahaeme  went  missing.  He 
was  out  with  Captain  Allison  and  they  got  sep- 
arated in  the  clouds.  We  may  hear  yet  that  he 
is  down  on  this  side,  but  there  is  a  gale  blowing 
f-Tom  the  west  and  we  think  he  must  be  on  the 
other  side. 

"I  did  a  line  patrol  last  night  and  an  O.P. 
this  morning.  But  saw  little.  There  were  a 
few  odd  Huns  about,  but  they  stayed  too  far 
over  east  for  us  to  dare  to  follow  them  in  view 
of  the  gale  from  the  west. 


140     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"Later. 

"Grahaeme  has  just  telephoned.  He  got 
mixed  up  in  a  big  scrap  and  drifted  a  long  way 
over  the  lines,  lost  his  bearings,  and  landed 
finally  at  another  aerodrome. 

"The  mail  is  in,  but  there  is  no  letter  from 
you — only  one  from  Joan.  She  says  Dad  spoke 
to  you  on  the  telephone  last  Wednesday. 

"I  wish  I  could  do  that.  My  dearest,  I  long 
to  hear  your  voice  again. 

"I  have  just  developed  a  very  bad  failing  as 
a  pilot.  I  have  started  landing  badly.  The 
last  dozen  times  I  have  returned  to  the  aero- 
drome I  have  made  simply  awful  exhibitions, 
and  as  these  on  several  occasions  followed  a 
stunting  show  over  the  sheds  they  were  quite 
humiliating. 

"This  morning  I  broke  my  tail  skid — tore  it 
clean  off.  That  makes  the  fifth  I  have  smashed. 
I  know  why  I  land  badly — afterwards.  But  I 
never  know  at  the  moment.  It  is  a  question 
only  of  tenths  of  a  second.  However,  I  will  get 
it  right  again  soon. 

"I  did  some  shooting  at  the  range  yesterday. 
Going  much  nearer  the  ground,  doing  one  quick 
short  dive,  and  firing  perhaps  ten  shots  is,  I  find, 
much  better  than  long  dive  firing  all  the  time. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      141 

"I  did  either  eight  or  nine  dives,  and  the  early 
ones  were  long  ones.  Towards  the  end  I  did 
short  dives  and  the  result  showed  the  difference. 
In  the  last  four  dives  I  scored  one,  two,  one  and 
three  hits  respectively.  The  last  was  quite  good, 
for  I  had  only  five  rounds  left  when  I  started  the 
dive.  But  I  got  so  near  that  I  nearly  touched 
the  ground,  then  fired  and  zoomed. 

"When  you  are  scrapping  with  a  Hun  the 
same  thing  happens.  The  Hun  is  moving  as 
well  as  you,  and  frequently  towards  you,  so  that 
you  touch  almost  before  you  fire. 

"In  haste  to  catch  the  post.  It  goes  in  a 
minute. 

"All  yours, 

"BILL." 


XXX 

THE  old  postman  arrived  to-day'  before  I 
wakened  properly. 

Bey  must  have  seen  him  come  up  the  path  for, 
half  consciously,  I  heard  her  scamper  down; 
then  clad  in  her  small  kimono  and  bedroom  slip- 
pers she  tip-toes  into  my  room  determined  not 
to  rouse  me,  I  suppose.  Unable  to  resist  temp- 
tation, however,  she  spent  the  next  few  minutes 


i42     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

laboring  to  balance  something  on  my  nose. 
Knowing  what  was  expected  of  me  I  slept 
soundly  until  this  was  achieved,  and  she  had, 
with  muffled  giggles  and  gurgles,  tip-toed  care- 
fully away. 
Then  I  opened  my  eyes  and  read: — 

"My  wonderful  lover, 

"Three  letters  from  you  to-day — one  written 
in  town,  the  last  from  there;  one  in  the  train, 
and  one  from  the  country.  Darling,  I  am  fran- 
tically happy. 

''To-day  the  Odd  Man  received  the  June 
issue  of  his  magazine,  in  which  appears  my  ar- 
ticle. I  enclose  it. 

"On  the  whole,  I  think  it  is  rather  good ;  don't 
you? 

"This  morning  I  was  called  at  3.30  by  the 
C.O.  to  go  for  a  special  stunt.  For  four  days 
running  a  Hun,  greatly  daring,  has  come  over 
the  aerodrome  just  after  daybreak. 

"The  C.O.  proposed  last  night  that  we  should 
leave  the  grounds  the  moment  it  was  light  if  the 
clouds  permitted,  and  try  to  catch  him. 

"We  got  off  the  ground  at  4  A.  M. — a  few  min- 
utes before  in  fact.  We  climbed  to  18,500  feet 
over  the  aerodrome  and  watched  for  signals 
from  the  ground. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      143 

"But  no  Hun  came.  Anyhow  it  was  a  lovely 
morning  and,  apart  from  the  frozen  fingers,  I 
enjoyed  the  flip.  We  finished  by  patrolling  the 
line  for  three-quarters  of  an  hour  and  then  came 
contour  chasing  home. 

"I  was  out  again  at  9.30  on  another  escort  to 
two-seaters,  who  were  taking  photographs. 

"This  afternoon  I  played  tennis,  and  to-night 
I  lead  an  O.P.  at  seven  o'clock. 

"I  expect  to  get  another  letter  from  you  to- 
morrow.    My  dear  one,   I   love  your  letters; 
they  mean  more  to  me  than  I  dare  say  or  think. 
I  love  you  more  every  day,  every  minute. 
"All  yours, 

"BILL. 

"P.S. — You  are  my  wife,  you  know." 

After  reading  this — feeling  very  glad  about 
myself  and  Bill,  I  rose  and  went  down  into  the 
stone-flagged  kitchen,  where  the  seventh  or 
ninth  wonder  had  left  a  bright  fire  burning. 
-The  kettle  sang  and  the  double  saucepan  waited 
for  the  porridge  which  I  mixed  so  that  it  neither 
would  be  thick  nor  thin — then  set  it  on  the  stove 
and  came  up  to  bathe  and  dress. 

Bey  already  had  bathed  herself  and  was  hur- 
rying into  her  scanty  clothing  so  that  she  might 
have  time  to  play  with  the  kittens  in  the  sun- 


i44     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

shine  of  the  garden  before  breakfast.  Betty, 
who  likes  her  sleep  in  solid  chunks,  called  lazily 
for  me  to  run  her  water  when  I'd  let  my  own 
away. 

And  so  about  nine  o'clock  we  sat  down  to 
breakfast  in  the  nursery  that,  like  every  other 
room  in  the  house,  is  as  cheerful  as  it  is  simple 
and  picturesque. 

Later,  after  preparing  the  mid-day  meal,  I 
went  for  cream,  which  means  a  walk  of  four 
miles  altogether.  And  these,  as  nearly  as  I  can 
recall,  were  my  thoughts: 

"I  hope  the  Babes  will  be  all  right  playing 
in  the  garden  alone.  .  .  .  They  ought  to  be.  .  . 
Betty  is  old  enough  now.  .  .  .  Bill's  letter  is  so 
sweet.  ...  I  wish  he  were  here.  .  .  .  Wouldn't 
it  be  too  wonderful  to  have  him I  won- 
der what  he  is  doing  at  this  moment.  .  .  .  It's 
hardly  worth  while  coming  all  this  way  for 
cream  when  it's  so  hot — but  then  it's  so  good 
for  growing  children.  I  wish  our  own  milk 
people  didn't  make  all  theirs  into  butter.  .  .  . 
Let  me  see,  I  mustn't  forget  to  let  Bill  know 
that  they  had  written  from  the  'Daily  - 
about  his  articles.  .  .  .  I'll  say  he  might  at 
least  have  taken  the  trouble  to  write  to  them, 
especially  as  I  asked  him  to.  ...  No,  I  won't 
say  that.  ...  I  should  be  dreadfully  sorry 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     14$ 

afterwards.  I'll  say  I  thought  he  had  done  so 
and  that  I  didn't  because  I  loathed  having  to 
refuse  the  chance.  .  .  .  Let  me  think — if  I 
were  to  beat  some  of  the  cream  very  stiff,  would 
it  disguise  the  milk  pudding  enough  to  make 
The  Babes  not  realize  what  they  were  eating? 
It's  so  good  for  them.  .  .  .  Oh,  I  mustn't  forget 
to  add  some  white  of  egg.  ...  I  remember  the 
book  said  that.  ...  I  feel  certain  Bill  could 
have  argued  with  the  C.O.  about  those  articles! 
...  I  should  have  done  so.  ...  I'm  surprised 
he  didn't  bother  even  though  he — what  shall  I 
do  with  the  yolk  of  that  egg.  ...  It  mustn't  be 
wasted  and  I  don't  want  it  for  anything.  .  .  . 
I  know.  .  .  .  I'll  swallow  it  whole  and  let 
Betty  and  Bey  watch  me.  .  .  .  They'll  love 
that.  Bey  will  shriek  with  mirth.  .  .  .  Yes, 
I'll  tell  Bill  that  I  didn't  think  much  of  the 
article  he  did  for  the  Odd  Man's  magazine  .  .  , 
it  wasn't  a  bit  vivid.  .  .  .  Not  on  the  same  plane 
as  his  letters  to  me.  I  shall  enjoy  telling  him. 
.-.  .  .  He  was  rather  bucked  with  it  too.  .  .  . 
Now  if  that  chicken  is  to  be  hot  for  Sunday's 
dinner  I  can't  possibly  go  to  church.  .  .  .  How 
can  I?  ...  And  if  I  don't  the  Babes  won't — 
and  we  didn't  go  last  Sunday.  The  village 
mothers  don't  go  because  they  have  the  meal  to 
cook.  But  they  send  their  children.  I'm  sure 


146     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

Betty  and  Bey  would  not  be  sent — besides  I'm 
not  their  mother!  I  quite  forgot  to  ask  the 
price  of  the  chicken.  .  .  .  Goodness,  I  remem- 
ber the  woman  on  Salisbury  Plain  said  they'd 
be  worth  their  weight  in  gold.  I  hope  this  one 
isn't  .  .  .  we  haven't  enough  money  in  the 
house,  nor  in  the  bank  either!  .  .  .  It'll  be  fear- 
fully exciting  cooking  it.  I  hope  Betty  and  Bey 
won't  get  too  hot  rushing  about.  .  .  .  Bey's 
tummy  is  rather  out  of  proportion  to  her  size, 
.  .  .  but  I  suppose  it's  all  right.  .  .  .  All  small 
children  have  large  tummies.  It's  where  they 
keep  their  extra  nourishment,  I  expect.  ...  I 
think  I'll  ask  the  grocer  man  if  he  .  .  ." 

You  see  what  it  is  to  be  a  housewife?     I  must 
pull  myself  together,  mustn't  I? 


XXXI 

"MY  OWN  WIFE, 

"We  had  a  quaint  patrol  last  night.  All  the 
flight  did  it.  Allison  led  one  patrol  of  three 
and  I  led  the  other.  One  fellow  dropped  out, 
however,  and  five  of  us  crossed  the  lines. 

"We  soon  saw  seven  Hun  Scouts  leave  their 
aerodrome  and  start  climbing  away  from  us. 

"Hoping  to  entice  them  to  the  lines,  Allison 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      147 

turned  west  and  re-crossed  the  trenches.  We 
turned  south,  climbed  hard  for  twenty  minutes, 
and  crossed  again. 

"We  were  at  16,000  feet  when  we  saw  the 
Huns  about  2,000  feet  below  us.  There  were, 
roughly,  a  dozen  of  them — all  Scouts  and  won- 
derfully painted.  No  two  were  alike,  and 
hardly  one  machine  was  painted  all  the  same 
color.  Green  wings  and  red  fuselage;  pink  and 
purple;  yellow  tails  and  white  and  black  wings! 
They  were  hideous. 

"We  had  been  in  formation,  but  when  we  saw 
the  Huns  and  Allison  started  twisting  about  to 
get  into  position,  two  of  our  pilots  lost  height 
and  got  underneath  him. 

"I  closed  up  to  him,  with  Grahaeme  close  on 
me  and  the  three  of  us  tore  round  and  round, 
like  a  circus — each  on  the  other's  tail. 

"Allison  was  looking  for  four  of  us  and  could 
see  only  two. 

"Below  us  the  Huns  were  going  round  and 
round  also,  but  in  the  greatest  confusion.  It 
was  screamingly  funny.  I  don't  think  we  were 
really  happy — so  few  against  a  dozen  and  a 
dozen  miles  east  of  the  lines — but  the  Huns  were 
less  happy. 

"First  one  and  then  the  other  would  get  out 
of  control  and  start  spinning,  dive,  and  flatten 


i48     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

out  and  climb  up  again.  They  had  the  wind  up, 
all  right! 

"Well  we  continued  this  round-about  busi- 
ness for  about  five  minutes,  and  I  wondered 
when  the  leader  was  going  to  dive.  I  wondered 
also  how  we  should  get  back  such  a  distance  to 
the  lines  if  we  lost  height  and  got  mixed  up  with 
the  Huns. 

"At  last  Allison  decided  apparently  that  it 
was  not  good  enough  and  he  turned  away  west. 

"Ultimately  we  got  into  formation  again. 
When  we  got  home  we  had  been  out  two  hours 
and  five  minutes  and  had  each  only  a  few  pints 
of  petrol  left. 

"It  was  really  the  better  course  not  to  have 
had  a  scrap  under  all  the  conditions,  though  per- 
haps we  might  have  tried  just  one  dive  each  and 
tootled  home  promptly  afterwards. 

"I  didn't  tell  you  about  my  fifteen  minutes' 
battle  the  other  day. 

"I  was  out  with  an  O.P.  with  one  other  fellow 
—the  third  had  gone  back  with  engine  trouble 
—and  when  east  of  the  trenches  I  saw  a  lot  of 
English  'Archie'  bursts  to  westward.  A  mo- 
ment afterwards  I  spotted  a  machine  making 
for  the  lines.  We  were  at  15,000  feet  and  the 
other  machine  at  12,000. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     149 

"I  immediately  dived  a  bit  to  head  him  off. 
He  turned  north  and  I  turned  north,  too,  to 
get  in  front  of  him.  He  turned  south  and  the 
other  fellow  headed  him  off.  Then  he  came 
east  climbing.  I  climbed  west,  and  he  gave 
it  up. 

"At  last  he  put  his  nose  down  and  came  due 
east  to  pass  under  me.  I  dived  straight  for  him, 
with  my  eye  on  the  gun  sights  and  the  Hun  at 
the  other  end  of  them  and  my  finger  on  the 
trigger  lever.  .  .  .  Then  .  .  .  the  Venetian 
blind  effect  appeared  and  I  saw  it  was  a  tri- 
plane — one  of  our  own  machines! 

"Either  it  had  been  'Archied'  by  mistake  or 
there  was  a  real  Hun  further  west  that  I  could 
not  see. 

"To-day  I  had  your  letter  written  in  the  gar- 
den on  Friday. 

"I  have  just  run  out  of  paper  of  the  size  I 
usually  use,  but  I  can  love  you  just  as  much  on 
this  as  on  any  other — and  I  do. 

"All  my  love,  my  sweet  wife, 

"BILL." 
•          •••••• 

We  have  had  an  Event! 

Just  now — keeping  a  motherly  eye  on  Bey 
while  she  cleaned  her  teeth — suddenly  I  heard 
Betty  shriek  from  her  room: 


150     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"Cows — cows!    Oh,  cows!" 

Her  voice  carried  all  the  shrill  notes  of  excite- 
ment and  I  could  hear  her  darting  about. 

"What  is  it?  ...  What  do  you  mean?"  I 
called  back,  and  Bey  demanded  in  her  curiously 
deep  and  impatient  tones: 

"What  is  it  on  earf?" 

"That's  not  the  way  to  speak,  darling,"  I 
dutifully   began,   while    Betty   came    running, 
clothed   in  her  undergarments,   hair  brush  in 
hand. 

"There's  millions  of  cows  in  the  garden,"  she 
panted.  .  .  .  "Crowds  and  crowds,  and  they're 
rushing  furiously  about,  on  the  lawn — all  going 
mad!" 

Allowing  for  the  exaggeration  usual  to  fe- 
males of  Betty's  age  there  remained  a  possibility 
of  cows  in  the  garden ;  so,  as  Bey  ran  out  after 
her,  I  followed  from  the  bathroom  to  the 
bedroom  window — and  there  truly  were  the 
herd. 

They  seemed  to  be  panic  stricken — drifting 
sometimes;  sometimes  tearing  in  confusion, 
sometimes  standing  for  a  second  and  then  leap- 
ing grotesquely. 

The  three  of  us  watched,  our  heads  all  out  of 
one  casement,  and  our  breath  coming  in  jerks  to 
match  the  antics  of  the  cattle. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      151 

By  and  by  the  shadow  of  a  human  being  de- 
tached itself  from  the  meadow  beyond. 

It  was  weird  and  unreal  in  the  gloaming,  so 
that  I  scarcely  could  find  my  voice  to  call  out 
and  ask  the  meaning  of  what  was  happening. 
And  when  I  did  call,  the  head  of  the  shadow 
tilted  upward  as  though  to  discover  us,  but  no 
answer  came. 

Away,  beyond,  the  circle  of  the  Downs 
looked  black  and  rather  terrible.  One  pure 
white  animal,  frantically  leaping,  seemed 
ghostly  in  the  dusk.  It  crossed  my  mind  how 
dreadful  a  stampede  of  untamed  beasts  must 
be; — the  thud,  thud  of  the  hoofs  of  living  things 
out  of  gear;  the  unreasonable  infection  of  the 
panic;  the  horrible  turmoil  of  the  uncontrolled; 
the  uncontrollable! 

I  pictured  being  down  there,  petrified,  in 
their  midst,  while  they  trampled  hideously 
about. 

At  last  these  real  and  harmless  creatures 
fathered  together  in  some  sort  of  order  and 
trotted  out  of  the  opening  into  their  own  coun- 
try. 

Then  I  realized  that  Bey  ran  a  risk  of  pneu- 
monia. Already  she  had  been  late,  too,  owing 
to  the  misdemeanor  of  Cotton-tail,  who  had  hid- 
den herself  in  the  hedge. 


152     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

So  I  bustled  this  babe  into  her  "nighty"  while 
she  hopped  about,  .  .  .  sizzling  with  the  after- 
effects of  the  event.  Soon  she  lay,  looking  too 
angelic,  in  her  narrow  white  bed  under  the  pale 
blue  coverlet. 

"Good-night,  sweet,"  I  said,  "sleep  well." 

She  pulled  down  my  head  and  kissed  me  fer- 
vently. 

"G'night  .  .  .  G'night,"  she  breathed,  "an' 
ha'nt  it  been  an  ab-fo-lutely  wond-o-ful  tweat!" 

I  arranged  the  tall  screen  on  which  storks  fly 
about  to  greet  her  in  the  morning;  and  leaving 
the  casement  wide  open  to  the  tender  air  I  went 
from  the  room  carrying  my  flickering  candle 
carefully. 

If  a  few  cows  in  the  wrong  place  at  the  wrong 
time  provide  one  babe  with  an  "absolutely  won- 
derful treat,"  another  babe  with  the  pitch  of 
excitement,  and  one  grown-up  woman  with  re- 
flections on  the  uncanny,  why,  surely,  life's  a 
simple  problem  after  all,  I  thought. 

•  •••••• 

I  came  to  my  room  and  drew  the  curtains 
across  to  hide  the  night.  It  was  beautiful,  but 
too  sad  for  me.  Bill's  letter  lay  on  the  table— 
the  one  important  thing  in  the  muddle  of  books 
and  papers  and  writing  materials.  I  sat  down 
and  looked  at  it;  then  I  took  it  from  the  en- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     153 

velope  to  read  again.     It  was  less  likely  than 
many  to  soothe  a  rebellious  tendency. 

"Dear,  dear  Aimee, 

"We  had  the  hell  of  a  scrap  last  night.  It  was 
the  sequel  to  the  encounter  of  the  previous  eve- 
ning which  I  described  yesterday.  Allison  pro- 
posed that  we  should  go  out  and  look  for  the 
same  crowd  of  Huns  again.  So  six  of  us  started, 
with  Allison  leading,  and  we  crossed  the  lines 
and  worked  dowrn  south,  well  over  on  the  Hun 
side,  before  two  fellows  had  to  go  back  with  dud 
engine  trouble. 

"At  last  we  came  up  to  the  Huns.  I  saw  four 
about  2,000  feet  below  us,  and  then  five  further 
east  and  above  us. 

"I  don't  know  whether  Allison  saw  those 
above  us  or  not.  However  it  was,  he  dived  ver- 
tically on  the  nearest  Hun  and  I  dived  just  be- 
hind him  and  went  for  the  second. 
_  "As  I  was  going  down  on  to  mine  I  could  see 
Allison  close  with  his ;  then  saw  the  Hun  go 
down  spinning,  with  engine  full  on,  in  a  violent 
spiral.  There  was  no  room  for  doubt  as  to 
whether  the  Hun  was  hit. 

"Most  of  this  I  saw  semi-consciously,  for  I 
was  sighting  on  to  my  Hun.  I  got  very  close 
and  fired  30  or  40  rounds  while  he  was  flying 


154     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

level.  Then  when  I  almost  collided  with  him, 
he  dived.  I  followed  and  finished  the  drum 
and  zoomed  out. 

"I  turned  west  and  climbed  hard,  but  the  other 
two  fellows  apparently  kept  the  Huns  busy,  for 
none  followed  me.  I  proceeded  with  changing 
my  drum  and  watched  the  Hun  I  had  attacked 
still  diving,  not  very  steeply,  but  going  directly 
west!  I  was  then  about  9,000  feet.  We  had  all 
come  down  in  the  world  a  lot — and  finally  I  saw 
the  Hun  crash  in  the  ground  among  some 
patches  of  swamp. 

"Having  changed  my  drum  and  climbed  to 
11,000  I  turned  east  again  and  saw  the  scrap  still 
going  on. 

"I  headed  for  them  again  and  got  in  a  burst 
of  25  rounds  at  another  Albatross.  He  dived 
out  of  my  sights  and  the  same  instant  two  Huns 
dived  on  me.  They  were  almost  directly  above 
me,  and  I  could  only  dive  for  all  I  was  worth. 
They  followed  me  to  the  lines,  and  by  that  time 
I  had  lost  7,000  feet. 

"It  was  practically  dark  when  I  landed.  I 
was  the  last  one  home.  Allison  had  not  arrived, 
and  nothing  has  been  heard  of  him  since. 

"The  other  two  of  our  four  had  started  to  fol- 
low us  down,  but  had  the  high  Huns  on  them 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     155 

immediately.  They  had  had  quite  a  struggle 
and  had  been  shot  about  a  bit.  They  had  both 
seen  Allison  and  me,  however,  close  in  with  a 
Hun  each,  and  both  are  certain  the  two  were 
brought  down. 

"I  had  one  bullet  through  my  right  plane. 

"The  Colonel  of  the  wing  came  over  this 
morning  to  ask  me  all  about  it.  We  are  sorry 
Allison  did  not  get  back.  He  was  such  an  ex- 
cellent patrol  leader. 

"The  post  goes  in  a  minute.  I  love  you, 
sweetest  one,  and  am  all  yours. 

"BILL." 

I  am  no  philosopher  to-night. 

XXXII 

"Midnight,  Wednesday. 
"DARLING, 

"I  did  not  fly  at  all  to-day.  We  were  standing 
by  most  of  the  time,  and  in  the  evening  I  was  to 
have  led  nine  machines  on  the  same  quest  as  the 
previous  evening,  but  about  tea  time  a  thunder- 
storm came  on  and  the  whole  thing  was  washed 
out. 

"To-day  makes  exactly  two  months  since  I  ar- 
rived at  the  squadron — 56  days.  Up  to  yester- 
day I  have  done  135  hours'  flying — or  108  with 


156     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

the  squadron  here.  There  have  been  many 
changes  since  I  came — five  have  gone  missing, 
two  wounded,  two  crashed,  six  gone  sick,  and 
two  gone  home  at  the  end  of  their  time — which 
makes  seventeen  that  have  left  the  squadron 
since  I  came. 

"Now  I  am  ninth  on  the  list  in  order  of  ar- 
rival— that  is,  eight  of  the  seventeen  who  have 
been  struck  off  were  here  before  me,  and  the 
others  have  arrived  after  me. 

"It  really  is  remarkable  how,  in  every  squad- 
ron, most  of  the  people  who  are  missing  are  new 
arrivals.  All  five  from  here  arrived  after  me. 

"To-morrow  I  get  up  at  5  A.  M.  to  do  a  bomb- 
ing escort,  so  I  will  finish  this  at  midday  (this 
is  the  second  letter  I  have  written  you  to-day) 
when  the  post  has  come  in.  Good-night,  dearest 
one. 

"BILL." 


To-day  the  papers  are  full  of  the  new  "ad- 


vance." 


Heaven  above,  what  that  means!  What  a 
fever  of  emotion — of  physical  and  mental  de- 
lirium. I  hold  my  letter  in  my  hand,  but  before 
I  open  it  I  say  my  prayer  for  the  wives  who  have 
no  letter  from  their  lovers  to-day. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      157 

I  say  my  prayer  for  them — though  to  whom  I 
pray  I  do  not  know. 

"Thursday,  2p.m. 
"My  dear,  dear  wife, 

"I  was  thrilled  to  ecstasy  by  your  letter  which 
came  this  morning — the  one  written  on  Sunday 
telling  me  of  your  love.  I  am  amazed  with  the 
wonder  and  completeness  of  it  all.  Bien- 
Aimee,  I  worship  you,  in  all  your  moods,  just 
all  the  time. 

"By  the  time  you  get  this  the  news  of  another 
great  battle  will  be  several  days  old  to  you. 

"It  started  this  morning — out  of  our  area,  but 
we  started  too.  At  5.45  I  was  off  the  ground 
with  seven  machines  to  escort  the  bomb  raid  I 
mentioned  last  night. 

"When  we  got  up  past  B—  -  we  saw  the  bat- 
tle burning.  It  was  wonderful  to  be  able  to  see 
it  all  like  that;  but,  oh,  it  is  so  stupid  and  sense- 
-less.  A  patch  of  country  about  twenty  miles 
long  and  twelve  miles  deep  was  just  ablaze. 

"The  'push'  had  started  at  3.45  A.  M.,  and  al- 
ready at  6  A.  M.  the  artillery  barrage  had  moved 
forward  several  miles,  leaving  a  smoking, 
churned,  shell-pocked  brown  belt  of  destroyed 
country  behind  it. 


158     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"To  the  west  of,  and  right  up  to  the  original 
line  of  trenches,  the  whole  of  the  fields  and 
woods  and  roads  were  livid  with  the  flashes  of 
our  guns — not  just  a  dart  of  flame  here  and  one 
there,  but  a  dancing,  pricking,  shimmering  mass 
of  heat. 

"Towards  the  eastern  edge  of  the  smoking  belt 
was  a  constant  band  of  white  shrapnel  bursts, 
like  snowdrops  overcrowded  in  a  garden  border, 
and  before  them  and  behind  them  and  on  both 
sides  of  them  the  continuous  eruptions  of  red 
earth  and  dust  where  the  increasing  rain  of  high 
explosive  shells  was  falling! 

"I  flew  over  this,  12,000  feet  above  it,  and 
thanked  some  of  my  gods  that  I  was  no  longer  a 
landsman  in  combat. 

"The  Squadron  has  done  remarkably  well  at 
the  start  of  the  big  push.  Four  Huns  on  two 
patrols.  But  one  of  our  machines  is  missing— 
at  least  he  is  two  hours  overdue. 

"When  the  bombers  were  dropping  their 
bombs  and  we  were  looking  on  this  morning 
three  foolish  Hun  scouts  dropped  out  of  the 
clouds  into  the  midst  of  us.  One  got  on  my  tail 
-I  was  quite  unconscious  of  it — and  Grahaeme 
promptly  filled  him  with  over  80  rounds.  He 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     159 

went  down  and  was  seen  by  two  other  pilots  to 
crash.  A  second  Hun  was  shot  down  before  he 
saw  us. 

"The  third  flew  level  with  me  just  for  an  in- 
stant, and  then  dived  below  me.  I  turned  more 
quickly  than  he  had  done  and  dived  vertically 
at  him  and  fired  20  rounds.  He  continued  to 
dive  and  got  out  of  decent  range,  so  I  climbed 
up  to  the  formation  again  and  we  handed  back 
the  bombing  machines  safely  across  the  lines. 

"We  were  all  intact,  too. 

"The  wing  commander  came  round  about 
noon  and  was  fearfully  pleased  with  our  start. 
While  he  was  there  the  Brigadier  turned  up, 
too,  and  was  hearing  all  about  it  when  six  of  a 
second  patrol  of  seven  returned  with  a  claim  of 
two  Huns  certain  and  perhaps  others. 

"The  squadron  is  rather  pleased  with  itself! 

"Now  this  afternoon,  it  is  appallingly  warm, 
but  there's  no  work  for  us  until  after  tea.     Then 
I  may  take  a  patrol  about  6  P.  M.  and  finish  for 
"the  day. 

"Your  picture  of  Babe  the  second  is  very 
sweet.  I  have  one,  particularly  intimate,  of  you, 
which  is  so  sweet! 

"I  love  you. 

"BILL." 
Do  listen  to  this! 


160     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

I  never  knew  any  one  so  adaptable  as  Bill. 
Equally  he  can  appreciate  the  Odd  Man's  point 
of  view  and  the  inability  of  Grahaeme  to  ex- 
press himself  as  the  Odd  Man  would  wish. 

I  think  it  is  priceless  to  be  able  to  put  your- 
self in  every  one's  place.  He  is  teaching  me  that 
lesson  among  many  others. 

"Friday,  2nd. 
"My  dearest  woman; 

"Another  sweet  letter  from  you  written  last 
Monday  on  the  Downs. 

"As  I  felt  when  I  first  came  out,  so  I  feel  now 
—how  wonderful  it  is  to  have  some  one  who  mat- 
ters so  much  to  me;  who  gives  me  inspiration  to 
live. 

"Aimee  darling! 

"The  weather  turned  'dud'  yesterday  after- 
noon, so  I  had  no  further  work  to  do.  I  was 
down  for  a  patrol  at  8  this  morning  too,  but  the 
clouds  came  over  and  I  am  still  standing  by. 

"I've  mentioned  Grahaeme  several  times, 
haven't  I?  He's  my  right  hand  man  on  patrol 
and  is  wonderfully  reliable. 

"He's  a  Canadian  and  talks  it  violently  and 
nasally — when  he  does  talk,  which  is  rare.  Usu- 
ally he  is  very  quiet. 

"But  when  he  is  excited — say,  when  he  comes 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     161 

back  from  a  scrap — nothing  holds  him.  His 
language,  all  unconsciously,  is  lurid.  And  as  it 
generally  happens  that  the  Odd  Man  is  waiting 
to  know  all  about  it,  the  result  is  thrilling. 

"  'Anything  doing?'  says  the  Odd  Man. 

"  Why,  God  Almighty,  I  should  say  there 
was!'  shouts  Grahaeme.  He  has  still  his  hel- 
met on,  and  as  he  can't  hear  well  he  thinks  he 
has  to  shout.  He  goes  on — 'The  sky's  stiff  with 
bloody  Huns.' 

"The  Odd  Man  does  not  continue  for  the  mo- 
ment, but  just  looks  thoughtful.  Some  one  else, 
less  sensitive  to  blasphemy,  goes  on  with  the  in- 
terrogation until  the  Odd  Man,  forgetting  his 
feelings  in  the  excitement  of  the  story,  chips  in 
again. 

"  'Did  you  get  one  down?' 

"'Hell,  yes!  There  were  three  of  them 
and  I  was  diving  on  one  when  I  heard  some 
one  pooping  at  me  with  his  -  -  double  gun. 
.  .  .  "Hell!"  I  said.  "There's  another  damned 
~Hun  on  my  tail."  So  I  yanked  up  the  old  'bus 
and  got  on  the  devil's  tail  instead  and  just 
pumped  blue  hell  into  him!  .  .  .  And  away  he 
went  spinning  to  hell  and  gone!' 

"No  comment  from  the  Odd  Man! 

"It  isn't  only  on  these  occasions  that  Gra- 
haeme's  mode  of  expression  is  unusual. 


1 62     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"At  breakfast  this  morning  the  Odd  Man  was 
seated  next  to  him  and  said : 

"  'Out  for  more  Huns  to-day,  Grahaeme?' 

"'God,  yes!'  said  Grahaeme  fervently  and 
quite  gravely. 

"  Well,  it's  quite  the  right  spirit  anyway,' 
commented  the  Odd  Man  in  the  stifled  silence. 

"The  fellow  missing  yesterday  was  one  of  the 
second  patrol.  He  was  fairly  experienced  but 
not  on  scouts. 

"Some  one  in  the  squadron  has  heard  from 
Hyatt.  His  memory  is  not  normal  yet,  and  he 
is  still  in  hospital.  The  'Air  Hog'  is  in  London 
now  and  is  getting  on  well. 

"I  send  you  all  my  love,  dear  one. 

"BILL." 

"Saturday,  2.30. 
"Dear,  dear  woman; 

"It  was  such  a  tiny  letter  from  you  to-day,  but 
so  very  sweet  because  you  love  me  and  I  adore 
you. 

"A  short  note  came  from  Dick  too,  saying  he 
had  received  my  letter  by  aerial  post. 

"I  have  just  reckoned  up  my  scraps  and  find 
I  have  got  four  certain,  four  probable,  and  one 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     163 

balloon  (which  is  counted  two  Huns),  total  10 
(not  out). 

"My  note  will  be  short  as  there  is  no  very 
thrilling  news.  Though  the  strafe  is  tremen- 
dous and  still  goes  on  we  are  getting  only  one  job 
a  day. 

"I  was  out  this  morning  at  5.30  A.  M.,  but  did 
not  cross  the  lines.  The  clouds  were  down  too 
low. 

"I  went  up  the  lines  and  saw  all  the  progress 
that  has  been  made.     It  is  very  decided. 
"All  my  love, 

"BILL." 
"P.  S. — The  last  R.F.C.  communique  says: 

"'Lieut.  G and  Lieut.  B-     •  (me),  of 

—squadron,  engaged  a  hostile  formation  of 
five  scouts  and  drove  one  down  obviously  out  of 
control ;  and  on  the  same  patrol  Lieut.  B at- 
tacked seven  H.A.  and  shot  one  down.' J 

This  morning  I  wakened  and  looked  at  my 
Watch.  It  was  nine  o'clock.  At  twenty  min- 
utes past  nine  the  taxi  was  coming  to  take 
Mother  to  the  station  five  miles  away!  She 
had  been  persuaded,  much  to  her  surprise,  to 
come  for  a  week-end,  and  in  spite  of  her  denial 
I  knew  she  was  pining  to  find  herself  back  in 
town. 


1 64     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

I  leapt  from  bed  and,  without  waiting  to  slip 
into  my  kimono,  ran  into  Bey's  room.  She  slept 
soundly. 

As,  usually,  she  rises  soon  after  the  birds,  I 
thought  the  hands  of  my  watch  must  have  grown 
tired  of  going  round  and  round,  and  had  run 
races  in  the  night;  but,  reaching  the  day  nurs- 
ery, I  saw  that  the  clock  there  said  a  minute 
past  nine!  I  tore  into  the  kitchen  to  find  that 
the  seventh  or  ninth  wonder  had  been  more 
wonderful  than  ever,  for  the  kettle  had  reached 
boiling  point  at  that  very  moment.  Speedily  I 
made  tea,  cut  bread  and  butter  and  carried  it 
all  up  to  Mother's  room.  She  lay  asleep. 

"Your  taxi  comes  in  a  quarter  of  an  hour,"  I 
cried  callously.  "Get  up.  .  .  .  Get  up,  or 
youUl  have  to  stay  here  another  day!" 

That  roused  her.     She  opened  her  eyes  wide. 

"What!"  she  cried. 

"It's  five  past  nine,"  I  said.  "We've  all  over- 
slept." 

I  was  pouring  the  tea  as  I  spoke;  then  I 
missed  something. 

"The  letters!"  I  exclaimed.  "I  wonder  where 
they  are?" 

Leaving  Mother  staring  blankly  at  the  cup  in 
her  hand  I  raced  down  again,  but  could  find  no 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     165 

sign  of  letters  either  in  the  door  or  outside, 
where  I  had  directed  the  old  man  to  leave  them 
if  we  didn't  answer  at  any  time. 

Slowly  I  climbed  the  stairs. 

Yesterday,  Monday,  there  had  been  no  letter 
from  Bill  ;  and  when  that  happens,  as  a  rule  two 
are  delivered  on  Tuesday. 

I  didn't  like  the  morning  any  more. 

But  there  was  Mother  to  be  seen  to,  so  I  went 
back  to  her  room. 

"What  does  Bill  say?"  she  asked  —  still  sleep- 
ily. 

"I  don't  know.  .  .  .  There's  no  letter,"  I  re- 
plied. 

And  then  I  heard  the  gate  click  and,  glancing 
out  of  the  window,  saw  old  Mrs.  Witchell  hob- 
bling up  the  path  with  her  hands  full  of  enve- 
lopes. I  shall  love  her  evermore. 

There  were  seven  for  me  —  three  of  them  from 


_ 

While  Mother  dressed,  vaguely  I  read  the 
other  four  —  making  comments  all  the  while. 

"But  what  has  Bill  got  to  say?"  she  insisted. 

"I  don't  know,"  I  said  again,  but  added  this 
time,  "I  like  to  keep  his  letters  until  I'm  alone 
in  my  room." 


166     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

At  this  she  said  nothing  but  looked  disap- 
pointed, and  I  knew  she  was  curious  to  hear  the 
latest  news. 

"I'll  open  the  last  one,"  I  conceded,  break- 
ing the  flap  apart  as  I  spoke. 

It  was  short — one  tiny  page  torn  from  a  note- 
book. It  said: 

"Saturday, 

4.20  A.M. 

"Just  got  this;  all  unexpected!  But  I  still 
love  you. 

"Darling,  it  intensifies  my  delight  a  thousand 
times  to  have  you  this  time  to  tell  the  news. 

"All  yours,  bar  and  all. 

"BILL." 

I  stared  at  it.  A  pink  slip  fell  from  the  en- 
velope on  to  my  knee.  It  was  separated  into 
little  oblong  squares  like  a  telegraph  form — each 
word  having  a  box  of  its  own.  My  eyes  gazed, 
then  I  understood. 

"Oh,  Mummy,"  I  cried,  "Bill  has,  got  a  bar  to 
hisM.C!" 

•  •  •  •  •  •  • 

Soon  afterwards  the  taxi  appeared.  Bey  had 
wakened  and  came  along  the  passage  in  her  small 
blue  kimono,  squashing  the  black  cat  in  her 
arms. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     167 

"What's  all  happening?"  she  asked.  .  .  . 
"Why's  Mumsie  up?" 

"We've  slept  late,  darling  .  .  .  and  the  taxi's 
waiting  .  .  .  and  Bill's  got  a  bar  to  his  M.C.,"  I 
cried. 

"Good  olj  Bill,"  she  murmured.  .  .  .  "Lie 
still,  puff-puff!  .  .  .  Mumsie  don'  go  back  to 
nasty  ol'  town.  .  .  .  Stay  wif  us  here!" 


We  got  Mother  off  at  last. 

Bey  went  to  the  gate,  and  Betty,  who  ran  out 
of  her  room  at  the  last  minute,  hung  with  me 
from  the  window. 

"Don't  forget  to  change,"  I  called.  .  .  . 
"And  it's  the  other  side  of  the  platform!" 

"And  don't  forget  to  get  out  at  the  end,"  gig- 
gled Betty  hilariously. 

"G'bye,  Mumsie.  .  .  .  An'  don't  forget  an1 
leave  you'  specackles  in  ve  twain,"  we  heard  Bey 
shout. 

Then  the  engine  of  the  taxi  gathered  speed 
and  over  the  hedge  we  caught  glimpses  of  the 
top  of  Mother's  head,  and  a  waving  handker- 
chief. 

"I  hope  she  won't  take  the  wrong  train,"  I 
said. 

"She's  sure  to,"  dismissed  Betty  casually  as 


1 68     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

she  lifted  the  lid  from  the  teapot  and  looked  for 
tea. 

By  which  you  see  that  we  treat  Mother  as 
though  she  were  not  one  of  the  cleverest,  most 
practical  women  in  the  kingdom. 

But  she's  so  very  absent-minded  in  little  ways, 
and  as  some  one  said:  "She  never  takes  the 
right  turning  if  she  can  find  the  wrong  one!" 

After  this  I  went  downstairs  and  made  more 
tea,  which  I  brought  to  my  own  sanctum. 

"You  can  look  after  yourselves,  this  morn- 
ing," I  called  to  the  Babes  in  passing;  "I'm  go- 
ing to  read  Bill's  letters  in  peace." 

Then  I  closed  my  door. 


XXXIII 

BEFORE  he  went  Bill  said  one  day: 

"When  I  go  to  France  again  what  shall  I 
bring  you — a  little  silver  rose,  or  what?" 

"Why  a  little  silver  rose?"  I  asked. 

"Well,  I  thought  you  might  like  another  M.C. 
And  for  the  second  one  they  give  you  a  bar  to 
the  medal.  And  you  wear  a  little  silver  rose. 
It  is  worn  just  there!" 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     169 

He  pointed  as  he  spoke,  to  the  center  of  the 
inch  of  ribbon  on  his  tunic,  then  he  added  medi- 
tatively: 

"But  I  don't  think  we  want  a  silver  rose — it 
would  hide  the  pretty  purple  stripe!  What  else 
would  you  like  instead?" 

I  smiled  at  him. 

"I'd  like  you.  Just  bring  me  back  yourself," 
I  said. 

And  now  that  he  has  his  "little  silver  rose" 
I  don't  know  what  to  think.  I  suppose  war  is 
too  abhorrent  to  women  for  them  to  be  able, 
unreservedly,  to  appreciate  the  rewards. 

In  a  prayer  lasting  all  day  and  every  day  I 
give  thanks  for  the  glad  philosophy  which 
makes  my  Bill  a  happy  warrior;  for  the  under- 
standing that  makes  him  a  kindly  one. 

That  he  should  be  an  able  warrior  doesn't 
enter  into  my  prayer;  yet  one  pays  homage  to 
vitality,  and  determination. 
_  As  for  "the  little  silver  rose."    Why,  how  can 
heroism  be  sorted  out  and  docketed  like  that? 

The  deed  for  which  he  won  the  right  to  wear 
it  probably  was  less  heroic  than  some  unappa- 
rent  victory  of  which  he,  himself  alone,  was 
aware. 

But  when  all  is  said  we  shall  be  human. 

I  loved  my  mother's  pleasure.     We  shall  love 


170     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

to  see  the  face  of  Bill's  mother  when  she  ad- 
mires it. 

The  "pretty  purple  stripe"  will  be  hidden 
after  all,  but  I  daresay  we  shall  enjoy  the  "little 
silver  rose"  just  as  well. 

Here  is  his  next  letter: 

"Darling  Aimee, 

"No  letter  at  all  to-day  from  you! 

"After  writing  yesterday  I  went  over  and 
dropped  a  note  for  Dick  with  the  news:  then, 
led  a  patrol  and  got  another  Hun! 

"It  was  the  nicest,  most  gentlemanly,  scrap  I 
have  had. 

"First  of  all,  when  coming  up  from  east  of 
-  I  spotted  a  Hun  two-seater  coming  from 
the  lines  about  2,000  feet  below  us.  We  were 
at  15,000. 

"I  didn't  tackle  it  well,  but  the  trouble  was 
that  none  of  the  others  saw  it  in  time.  I  was 
afraid  to  go  straight  on  to  it,  fearing  the  ob- 
server's gun,  and  tried  to  get  underneath  it. 

"The  Hun  fired  a  signal  light  as  usual,  and 
opened  all  out  and  walked  away  from  me.  Had 
the  others  seen  it  we  could  have  headed  it  off. 

"Bearing  in  mind  the  signal  light,  I  turned 
south  again,  climbing,  and  came  back  to  the 
place  about  four  minutes  later. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     171 

"There,  sure  enough,  were  five  Hun  scouts  a 
thousand  feet  below  us,  coming  south. 

"I  let  four  pass  and  dived  on  the  last  one. 

"Another  fellow — Kelly — dived  on  a  second 
Hun  and  Scott  on  a  third. 

"My  Hun  saw  me  coming  and  put  his  nose 
down.  He  caught  up  with  the  others  by  do- 
ing this,  and  then  I  saw  that  the  leader  had 
turned  and  was  trying  to  get  above  me. 

"I  gave  up  the  Hun  I  had  picked  out  orig- 
inally and  turned  on  the  leader,  who  was  nearly 
level  with  me.  He  swung  right  across  close  in 
front  of  me,  trying  to  avoid  me,  and  I  fired  40 
rounds  into  him.  He  turned  quickly,  then  went 
over  on  his  back  and  fell  down  all  sideways. 

"I  zoomed  up  hard  and  found  myself  level 
with  another,  fired  at  him  until  he  dived  off 
my  sights  and  then  turned  and  found  a  third  an 
easy  mark. 

"I  didn't  get  very  close  and  my  drum  ran 
empty  just  as  he  dived  away.  I  probably  hit 
-them  both,  but  they  were  under  control. 

"Kelly  and  Scott  saw  no  apparent  result  to 
their  shooting.  The  Huns  just  dived  away. 

"As  I  climbed  west  to  change  my  drum  three 
more  Huns  appeared  a  long  way  east  and  well 
above  us,  so  I  decided  we  had  had  enough  and 
headed  for  the  lines  and  home. 


172     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"This  success  created  more  enthusiasm  than 
any  previous  one,  coming  on  the  announcement 
of  the  afternoon. 

"Kelly  and  another  pilot  saw  my  Hun  going 
down. 

"Why  it  was  such  a  nice  scrap  was  that  we 
always  remained  level  with  or  above  the  Huns. 
Not  one  of  them  ever  got  his  sights  on  me  to 
fire,  and  I'd  a  Hun  to  go  at  every  time  I  looked 
for  one. 

"This  morning  was  dud,  so  I  took  a  tender 
and  went  off  to  see  Dick.  I  got  back  at  3.30. 

"It  was  awfully  nice  to  see  him. 

"He  was  with  his  gun  in  the  battery  position, 
but  everything  was  quiet.  I  had  lunch  with 
him. 

"His  dug-out  and  gun-emplacement  are  won- 
derful— equal  for  cosiness  and  cleanliness  to  a 
gun  turret  on  a  battleship.  He  says  it  is  becom- 
ing quite  a  show  place. 

"No  more  news  and  no  more  bars  just  now. 
I  am  longing  for  to-morrow  to  come  for  your 
next  letter. 

"I  love  you,  sweetest  woman. 
"All  yours, 

"BILL." 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     173 

It  seems  strange  that  I  don't  know  Bill's 
brother  when  they  are  such  rare  friends.  I  won- 
der if  he  resents  the  thought  of  me?  I  haven't 
written  to  him,  but  if  I  do  I  shall  say  that  if  any 
one  stays  at  war. for  two  years  without  a  leave 
they  must  expect  things  to  happen. 

I  daresay  he  is  indifferent  merely. 


XXXIV 

AUNT  FANNY  used  to  say : 

"You'll  be  sorry  for  it  some  day — you  mark 
my  words!" 

That  frightened  me  very  much.  I  used  to 
brood  about  it,  and  "Some  day"  became  mixed 
up  with  Hell  and  the  Day  of  Judgment  and  Rev- 
elations. We  lived  in  Scotland,  you  see. 

This,  in  a  mild  form,  is  one  of  the  "Some 
.days." 

I  know  exactly  how  Bill  felt  after  writing  to 
tell  me  of  the  silver  rose.  He  ached  for  speech 
from  me,  although  it  couldn't  be  a  reply  to  his 
news. 

Then  next  day  brought  no  letter,  and  the  day 
after  that  one  telling  mostly  of  how  little  I  cared 
for  his  article  in  the  Odd  Man's  Magazine. 


174     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

I  know  well,  too,  the  chill  that  comes  in  the 
very  moment  of  enthusiasm. 

My  criticism  would  have  kept  until  a  day 
when  I  could  kiss  him  directly  afterwards. 

"Ma  Bien  Aimee,"  he  says, 

"Your  letter  of  the  yth  came  to-day.  Though 
I  was  not  displeased  with  the  article  myself  I 
felt  somehow  you  wouldn't  like  it.  I  still  like 
it,  however. 

"There  was  no  work  yesterday,  and  all  night 
it  poured  with  rain  and  thundered  so  hard  that 
we  couldn't  hear  the  war. 

"Up  to  the  present  it  is  very  overcast,  so  I  may 

be  able  to  go  to  S to  buy  the  little  silver  rose 

to  wear  on  my  ribbon. 

"The  squadron  is  getting  a  name,  but  even 
we  didn't  know  until  last  night  what  a  name. 

"A  new  pilot  arrived  and  was  recognized  as  a 

fellow-cadet  by  R ,  who  told  him  he  was 

damned  lucky  to  come  to  us. 

"  'Oh,  yes,  I  know,'  the  new  man  said.  .  .  . 

'They  told  me  so  at  S .  They  said  it  was  the 

squadron  in  France.' 

"We  were  frightfully  bucked  to  hear  that  for 
what  any  one  says  there  is  being  said  throughout 
the  corps  in  these  parts. 

"The  best  of  it  is  that  we  know  it's  true. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     175 

Since  the  day  before  the  last  push  we've  got 
down  ten  Boches  certain. 

"I've  been  saving  up  a  story  to  tell  you;  the 
wonderful  adventure  of  our  crashing  'hun'! 

"Three  mornings  ago  I  took  out  Faulkner  and 
the  'hun.' 

"It  should  have  been  an  offensive  patrol  of 
six  machines,  but  the  clouds  were  too  low,  so  I 
started  on  a  mild  and  inoffensive  line  patrol. 
After  half-an-hour  of  dodging  the  clouds  I  gave 
it  up,  gave  the  signal  for  'wash-out5  and  tootled 
off  north  alone  to  have  a  look  at  the  strafe. 

"When  I  got  back  and  landed  Faulkner  was 
back,  but  the  'hun'  was  still  out.  About  ten  min- 
utes later  he  came  in.  As  he  flew  over  the  sheds 
he  was  waving  frantically.  He  made  a  very 
rocky  landing. 

"His  machine  was  an  amazing  sight.  It  was 
shot  and  torn  to  ribbons.  We  counted  fifty- 
eight  holes  in  it,  at  least  half  of  them  showed  that 
jhe  shots  were  within  a  fraction  of  being  vital 
hits.  It  was  a  miracle  that  the  fuselage  had  not 
broken  in  two. 

"The  'hun'  was  very  excited  and  it  took  a 
long  time  to  understand  his  story. 

"When  I  had  signaled  'wash-out'  he  had 
turned  down  the  line,  seen  a  balloon  away  over 
and  decided  to  strafe  it. 


176     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"He  crossed  at  about  five  thousand,  and  when 
near  the  balloon  saw  two  enemy  two-seaters. 
He  changed  his  mind  and  attacked  them.  One 
he  hit  and  crashed.  Then  from  above  came  four 
red  scouts  and  from  below  'Archie.'  For  ten 
minutes,  while  he  struggled  to  get  back  to  the 
lines,  losing  height  fast  all  the  way,  the  Huns 
dived  at  him  and  fired  at  him. 

"He  felt  his  elevator  go  slack  suddenly,  and 
looking  round  saw  that  the  control  on  one  side 
had  been  shot  away.  The  whole  machine 
seemed  to  go  sloppy  and  groggy.  A  shot  hit  one 
cylinder  and  his  engine  began  to  miss. 

"Finally  as  they  neared  the  lines,  when  a  Hun 
dived  at  him,  he  stalled  and  turned  and  the  Hun 
overshot  him.  He  fired  then  and  raked  the  Hun 
up  and  down  the  fuselage,  and  he  went  down  al- 
most promptly  and  crashed.  They  were  now 
only  about  200  feet  off  the  ground. 

"At  last  our  'hun'  crossed  the  trenches,  being 
fired  at  by  the  Boches  and  cheered  by  our  Tom- 
mies as  he  crawled  over. 

"He  came  home  flying  low  all  the  way.  His 
machine  was  a  'write-off.'  There  was  hardly  a 
part  of  it  untouched. 

"As  his  temporary  flight  commander  I  strafed 
him  violently  for  playing  the  fool,  and  told  him 
his  luck  was  more  than  he  deserved  But  to  my- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     177 

self  I  acknowledged  that  it  was  awfully  plucky 
to  struggle  on  as  he  did.  It  was  his  fifth  trip 
over  the  line  and  his  first  scrap — though  he  had 
seen  one  other. 

"He  will  not  attempt  to  repeat  the  perform- 
ance. When  his  excitement  wore  off  he  had  a 
big  re-action,  and  he  realizes  now  what  inex- 
perience may  do.  We  have  great  hopes  for  him 
as  he  gets  his  balance. 

"Well,  that's  all  the  news — except  that  you 
may  not  have  heard  that  I  love  you. 

"All  yours,  every  moment. 

"BILL." 

For  one  thing  I  am  thankful,  and  it  is  that  Bill 
is  able  to  remain  cold  in  moments  of  greatest 
turmoil.  I  have  this  comfort,  that  though  he 
will  shirk  nothing  through  fear,  he  will  allow 
reason  to  be  his  guide. 


XXXV 

AT  last  he  has  had  the  sort  of  letter — the  only 
sort  of  letter — a  man  should  receive  from  his 
wife. 

"Oh,  my  dear,"  he  answers, 


178     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"When  you  write  as  you  do  to-day,  when  you 
tell  me  of  your  longings  and  your  thoughts,  I 
can  hardly  bear  to  stay  here. 

"For  I  want  you  too,  my  wonderful  lover ;  and 
just  to  want  you  so  intensely  and  to  know  you 
want  me  is  exquisite  happiness. 

"You  make  all  my  life  so  complete. 

"I  am  sitting  in  my  hut  now  clad  in  a  shirt 
and  shorts — my  Suvla  ones.  I  have  been  hav- 
ing a  cold  bath  after  a  very  hot  game  of  tennis, 
and  feel  beautifully  cool. 

"Before  lunch  I  led  an  offensive  patrol. 
There  was  not  much  excitement;  one  Hun  two- 
seater  got  in  our  way  and  only  just  managed  to 
escape.  I  dived  on  him  but  could  not  get  very 
near,  and  though  I  fired  50  rounds  he  continued 
to  dive,  straight  down — we  were  looking  into 
the  streets  of  -  — ,  and  at  8,000  feet  I  gave  it  up, 
as  that  was  too  low  to  be  safe  so  far  over  the 
lines. 

"I  spent  half-an-hour  alone  after  the  patrol 
trying  to  persuade  another  two-seater  further 
north  to  come  over  our  side  of  the  lines  and  be 
shot  down,  but  like  all  these  German  people  he 
was  very  unreasonable  and  seemed  to  prefer  that 
I  should  do  it  over  the  Rhine.  I  didn't  follow 
him  quite  so  far,  however. 

"I  dined  last  night  with  -       -  squadron  at 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     179 

their  farewell  dinner.  They  are  moving  to  an- 
other aerodrome. 

"I  got  lots  of  congratulations,  and  it  was  rather 
quaint  to  be  talking  'shop'  on  equal  terms  with 
men  whom  in  England  we  heard  of  as  among 
the  best  fighting  scout  experts. 

"After  dinner  I  risked  what  is  now  my  wife's 
money  to  the  extent  of  10  francs  at  roulette.  At 
any  rate  I  borrowed  10  francs  to  start  playing, 
as  I  had  none  in  my  pockets:  and  promptly  paid 
that  back  and  finished  12  francs  up. 

"My  luck  is  always  in! 

"Last  night — earlier — I  did  a  line  patrol  on 
which  nothing  occurred. 

"During  the  patrol,  while  I  was  at  12,000  feet, 
I  spotted  Dick's  battery  by  a  gun  flash. 

"When  I  was  there  the  previous  day  the  ma- 
jor had  challenged  me  to  find  it  from  the  air 
because  he  said  they  had  been  in  the  same  place 
for  weeks  and  the  Boche  hadn't  spotted  them 
-yet 

"Of  course  I  had  the  advantage  of  having 
been  there  on  the  ground.  When  I  looked  for 
it  I  simply  followed  with  my  eyes  the  route  I 
had  taken — and  just  at  the  moment  my  eye 
stopped  at  the  exact  spot  there  was  a  flash  from 
the  gun  itself! 

"Afterwards  I  went  down  low  over  the  posi- 


180     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

tion,  'chucked'  a  few  stunts  and  waved  to  Dick. 

"Mother's  letter  is  quaint.  But  they  worry  a 
great  deal  too  much.  You  will  do  them  a  lot  of 
good  when  you  go. 

"Just  going  to  tea  now.  I  send  you  all  my 
love. 

"BILL. 

"P.S. — To-day,  by  the  way,  your  letters  were 
of  the  6th  and  the  8th.  One  of  the  yth  came  yes- 
terday and  one  of  the  ^th  two  days  earlier.  The 
6th  has  been  hung  up  somewhere. 

"I'm  feeling  awfully  pleased  with  things  to- 
day because  you  got  my  news  this  morning- 
Tuesday." 

I  have  no  time  to  think. 

On  Monday  the  Babes  go  again  to  school,  and 
it  is  staggering  to  discover  that  nearly  every 
garment  worn  by  either  needs  buttons  or  hooks 
or  darns. 

As  well  as  that  they  must  be  fed  three  times 
every  day. 

A  woman  with  children  to  care  for  might  just 
as  well  resign  herself  to  the  fact  that  to  them 
must  be  devoted  every  single  moment  of  her  wak- 
ing time. 

Some  one  has  to  do  it.     Plainly  I  see  that. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     181 

Every  second  spent  at  this  table  means  neglect 
of  a  necessary  trifle. 

I  shall  miss  them  when  they  go,  yet  I  shall 
breathe  once  more — and  I  won't  cook  at  all! 

But  even  now  I  refuse  to  scurry  over  Bill's 
letters;  so,  having  seen  the  Babes  begin  their 
porridge — Bey  eats  hers  willingly  because  a  Mr. 
Quimper  lives  at  the  bottom  of  the  bowl  and 
waits  for  her  to  say  good-morning — I  carried 
my  tray  up  here  to  my  sanctum. 

"Aimee,  dearest  one,"  he  begins, 

''Your  words  were  so  wonderful  again  when 
I  read  them  to-day  in  your  letter  of  Saturday. 

"Just  as  dreadfully  as  you  I  am  longing  also. 
But  we  have  not  too  long  to  wait. 

"Things  are  very  quiet  again  and  I  am  get- 
ting only  one  job  a  day. 

"I  was  to  have  done  at  O.P.  at  6  this  morn- 
ing, but  when  I  got  up  at  5  A.M.  it  was  so  cloudy 
that  I  changed  it  to  a  line  patrol  and  took  only 
two  others. 

"It  was  difficult  to  see,  and  we  came  back  after 
40  minutes. 

"Since  then  I  have  slept  most  of  the  day,  as 
it  is  too  hot  to  do  anything  else. 

"I  don't  think  I've  any  news  and  very  little  to 
talk  about. 


1 82     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"All  my  love,  sweetest  lover. 

"BILL." 

Foolish  one,  it  is  your  handwriting,  and  your 
words  of  love,  I  cherish.  What  is  "  news"  to 
me?  I  can  read  the  morning  paper  for  that, 
can't  I? 

XXXVI 

THE  church  bells  ring — but  I  sit  here 
wrapped  in  an  overall.  Betty  is  covering  the 
kitchen  table  with  "ingredients."  We  are  to 
make  a  cake  for  school. 

But  I  must  read  first  what  my  Bill  says  and 
then  all  the  while  we  stir  flour  and  eggs  and 
chocolate  flavoring  and  things  I  can  be  thinking 
of  his  words. 

"My  own  wife; 

"There  was  no  letter  from  you  to-day.  The 
post  is  very  stupid.  I  love  so  much  to  talk  to 
you  and  hear  you  talk  to  me  every  day. 

"This  morning  I  did  a  line  patrol,  as  it  was 
too  misty  again  for  an  O.P.  There  was  also  a 
westerly  gale  blowing  and  at  17,000  feet  we 
could  hardly  move — in  fact,  we  lost  ground  and 
were  blown  over  the  lines  unless  we  put  our 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     183 

noses  down  and  did  100  miles  an  hour  against 
it.  We  saw  nothing  all  the  time. 

"I  went  to  the  range  yesterday,  and  won  10 
francs  from  the  brigade  machine-gun  officer. 

"I  told  you,  I  think,  that  he  has  a  competition 
in  which  we  pay  him  one  franc  for  every  drum 
we  fire  at  the  target  unless  we  score  five  per 
cent,  or  more — in  which  case  he  pays  one  franc 
per  cent.  I  fired  130  rounds  and  got  13  hits  in 
seven  dives — or  10  per  cent. 

"The  weather  is  intensely  hot  again,  and  I 
shall  sleep  this  afternoon. 

"There  may  be  an  O.P.  to  lead  this  evening, 
but  no  orders  are  through  yet. 

"The  new  flight  commander  is  due  here  to- 
morrow, so  I  shall  relinquish  command  of  the 
flight  again  then.  He  is  a  good  man.  He  was 
here  when  I  first  came,  and  went  home  sick  about 
a  month  ago. 

"The  O.C.  is  still  in  England  and  is  due  back 
jiext  week.  He  knows  nothing  of  our  success 
since  he  went.  He  will  be  fearfully  excited 
when  he  comes  back. 

"Last  night  I  lay  awake  for  a  long  time  just 
thinking  and  longing. 

"My  dear  one!    All  yours. 

"BILL." 


1 84     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

Oh,  I  wish  we — whatever  it  is  that  makes  us, 
and  it  is  not  our  bodies — could  go  out  con- 
sciously and  meet  in  the  night  time.  I,  too,  lie 
awake — thinking  of  him.  Why  can  we  not 
know  it  at  the  time?  What  is  this  barrier  and 
why  can't  we  triumph  over  it? 


XXXVII 

"MOST  precious  One. 

"I've  been  waiting  so  impatiently  for  your  let- 
ter acknowledging  my  news. 

"It  came  to-day,  and  I  am  more  thrilled  than 
when  I  heard  about  the  bar.  It  is  lovely,  isn't 
it,  to  have  our  sympathies  so  intensely,  so  vitally 
mutual?  I  live  only  for  you,  dearest  lover,  and 
when  you  are  happy  I  am  thrilled  to  ecstasy. 

"It  turned  out  as  I  expected. 

"Your  mother  heard  the  news  before  leaving. 

My  people  have  not  written  about  it  yet. 
•          «••••• 

"This  morning  I  led  an  O.P.  It  was  quite  an 
amusing  one,  for  right  at  the  start  one  impudent 
Hun  sailed  over  our  heads  while  we  were  climb- 
ing— on  our  side  of  the  lines. 

"We  were  at  about  9,000  and  he  was  at  14,000 
or  15,000  feet,  He  just  ignored  us,  and  though 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     185 

I  climbed  all  out  I  couldn't  reach  him.  Ulti- 
mately we  lost  him. 

"When  we  crossed  at  14,000  I  chased  two 
Huns  off  the  lines  and  then  turned  south-east. 
Two  more  Huns  appeared  below — one  a  bit  east 
and  the  other  further  south. 

"I  made  a  feint  of  going  for  the  south  one 
while  closing  up  gradually  on  the  other;  then 
turned  suddenly  and  dived  on  him. 

"He  dived  too,  and  I  never  got  nearer  than 
100  yards.  We  dived — the  Hun  and  the  whole 
of  our  patrol — from  16,000  to  9,000  feet,  and  I 
fired  45  rounds  and  another  fellow  fired  30 
rounds.  The  Hun  went  on  diving,  however, 
and  ultimately  went  out  of  sight. 

"When  I  turned  and  climbed  I  looked  down, 

as  I  thought  into  the  streets  of .  But  after 

ten  minutes  hard  flying  against  the  slight  wind 
I  looked  down  again  and  I  was  still  over  the 
streets  of . 

"We  had  been  over  the  other  side  of  another 
-•town  miles  further  east. 

"I  saw  two  more  Huns  a  long  way  over,  but 
they  simply  would  not  come  and  give  us  a  chance 
at  them. 

"The  weather  is  still  intensely  hot.  Yester- 
day afternoon  I  played  tennis  in  pyjamas,  and 
after  perspiring  beautifully  had  a  cold  bath  in 


1 86     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

my  hut.     This  afternoon  I  have  only  just  energy 
enough  left  to  lie  down  and  sleep  until  tea  time. 
"Do  you  know  that  I   love  you?     Darling 
Aimee,  I  want  you  and  soon.  .  .  . 
"All  yours, 

"BILL." 

Oh,  I  wonder  how  soon  he  means  when  he 
says  "soon"? 

I  want  to  know  and  I'm  frightened  to  know. 
I  want  to  be  able  to  count  the  days,  and  yet  I 
think  I  shall  be  worn  to  a  shadow  if  I  do — and 
what  joy  would  a  shadow  be  to  Bill? 

We  want  each  other  to  kiss  and  love,  and  we 
want  to  see  each  other. 

It's  very  difficult  to  explain  why  spiritual 
union  is  not  enough,  any  more  than  mere  bodily 
union  would  be  enough.  I  suppose  it's  because 
— on  this  earth  anyway — we  are  human;  and 
because  there  must  be  something  beyond — 
above! 

When  Bill  comes  back  to  me  I  think  I  will 
weep.  Tears  come  to  my  eyes  even  at  the 
thought. 

XXXVIII 

WE  are  in  the  train  at  last. 

At  6.30  this  morning  the  seventh  or  ninth  won- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     187 

der  dragged  me  from  sleep.  Hers  was  the  ruth- 
less knocking  of  one  who  has  to  rise  right 
out  of  her  dreams  and  take  hold  of  a  scrubbing 
brush. 

A  moment  later  Bey  ran  into  my  room. 

"I  don't  know  which'll  be  the  nicest  of  all 
the  journey,  darling,"  she  sighed  with  flushed 
cheeks. 

I  clung  to  my  pillow. 

''Nicest?"  I  cried — then  I  realized  that  at 
seven  and  a  half  you  appreciate  trains  and  rail- 
way stations  even  if  you  have  to  start  in  the  dead 
of  night  with  the  promise  of  a  broiling  day. 

She  sits  now  at  the  opposite  end  of  the  com- 
partment,— which  our  gods  have  given  us  all  to 
ourselves, — and  looks  a  picture  of  cool  enjoy- 
ment. I  suppose  you  may  when  your  skirts 
finish  just  below  your  waist  and  your  socks  just 
above  your  ankles. 

She  is  nursing  her  "baby"  and  explaining  in 
an  undertone  that  we  are  moving  and  not  the 
fields  and  trees  and  sky. 

Betty  is  devouring  a  sequel  to  "Daddy-long- 
legs." 

And  at  last  I  may  read  Bill's  letter. 

Every  moment  has  led  up  to  this  one.  The 
thrill  of  breaking  the  envelope  never  grows  less. 
It  is  the  summit  of  my  day. 


1 88     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"Dear,  dear  woman,"  he  says. 

"I  got  the  finished  copy  of  your  big  photo- 
graph this  morning. 

"I  don't  know  why  you  are  always  on  the 
verge  of  being  apologetic  about  it,  and  I  don't 
quite  know  why  other  people  are  not  satisfied 
with  it.  I  love  it. 

"But  after  all  it  is  only  a  photograph,  and 
whatever  it  is  that  is  lacking  in  this  one  is  lack- 
ing more  or  less  in  every  photograph. 

"I'm  sure  my  last  one,  with  which  I'm 
quite  satisfied,  conveys  nothing  more  to  anybody 
than  a  flat  reproduction  of  the  shape  of  my  fea- 
tures. 

"I  love  your  photograph.  I  love  it,  just  be- 
cause it  helps  me  to  visualize  you  physically; 
and  when  I  can  do  that  it  is  much  easier  to 
picture  your  more  abstract  attributes — your 
sweetness,  your  comprehension—  Oh,  you  dear 
pagan! 

"I  am  sitting  under  an  open  marquee,  on  a 
huge  double  deck-chair  made  by  the  Odd  Man, 
listening  to  ragtime  on  the  phonograph.  It  is 
burning  hot  and  I  am  wearing  just  a  shirt,  cotton 
breeches  and  socks  and  slippers. 

"I  haven't  flipped  yet  to-day;  I  expect  a  patrol 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      189 

at  7.30  this  evening  when  all  the  Huns  will  be 
up. 

"The  Odd  Man's  big  deck-chair  is  quite  won- 
derful. It  will  seat  ten.  It  is  made  of  rough 
timber  and  cocoanut  matting. 

"Talking  of  ragtime!  Did  you  ever  see  my 
ragtime  words  written  to  the  ragtime  music  com- 
posed by  Martin  under  the  influence  of  Heid- 
seick?  I  wish  he  were  here! 

"But  that  is  not  my  greatest  wish  in  the  world ! 

4/'I  got  a  quaint  combined  letter  from  home  to- 
day about  the  bar. 

"Mother  is  pleased.  She  hardly  dare  say  how 
much — but  she  pleads  with  me  riot  to  try  to  get 
any  more  decorations! 

"She  said  exactly  the  same  thing  over  the  first 
award. 

"Last  evening  after  dinner,  before  a  large  au- 
.dience,  the  Odd  Man  and  I  had  a  topping  dis- 
cussion on  the  war,  the  peace,  Germany's  future 
position  and  our  attitude  to  her,  the  Russian  rev- 
olution, and  then  later,  conscientious  objections, 
industrial  unrest  and  Socialism  and  Christian- 
ity. 

"If  it  had  been  an  argument,  or  a  debate,  I 
would  have  claimed  a  complete  decision  on  all 


190     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

points.  But  it  wasn't.  It  was  a  discussion,  and 
was  therefore  so  much  more  satisfactory. 

"It  was  really  good.  I  wish  I  could  repro- 
duce it,  but  I  can't. 

"Do  you  remember  that  when  you  said  you'd 
like  to  meet  the  Odd  Man  I  wondered  and 
doubted  whether  you  would,  because  apart  from 
his  good-nature  and  sincerity  and  quick  repartee 
he  had  little  to  appeal  to  you — having  the  stereo- 
typed 'country  gentleman'  attitude  of  his  type 
toward  political  and  sociological  things?  How- 
ever, I  do  think  he  tries  to  get  outside  these 
traditional  prejudices — and  it  must  be  difficult. 

"Your  letter  of  Wednesday  last  arrived  to-day 
also  and  made  me  all  happy  all  over — all  over 
again! 

"Bien  Aimee,  it  is  so  wonderful  to  possess  you, 
to  have  such  a  dear,  dear  wife.  It  is  becoming 
almost  too  much  now  that  I  can  count  the  days 
until  I  see  you. 

"Darlingest,  I  want  you  unspeakably. 
"All,  all  yours, 

"BILL." 

Now  we  are  in  the  second  train  and  soon  we 
shall  reach  our  station. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      191 

Having  decided  upon  the  one  way  to  fill  in 
the  hour's  wait  we  commandeered  a  corner  table 
in  a  refreshment  room,  which  would  have  been 
intolerable  on  a  cold  or  rainy  day,  but  to-day 
was  preferable  to  the  suffocating  blaze  of  sun- 
shine outside.  Betty  ate  four  bath  buns.  Bey 
discovered  cracknell  biscuits  and  rejoiced. 
With  them  she  drank  lemonade  and  needed  it, 
I'm  sure!  But  Betty  sighed  for  tea.  So  did  I, 
and  we  had  a  large  pot  full. 

Their  delight  at  the  thought  of  meeting  every 
one,  from  the  "Head"  downward,  makes  me 
realize  gladly  how  the  methods  at  this  school 
must  contrast  with  the  rigid,  stupid  discipline 
of  the  place  to  which  I  used,  loathingly,  to  return 
each  term. 

"We've  loved  being  with  you,  darling,"  Betty 
has  just  announced. 

"Yes,  we  have,"  seconded  the  smaller  Babe. 

Betty  proceeded: 

"But  of  course  if  you've  got  to  do  lessons  you 
might  just  as  well  fire  away — otherwise  you'd 
find  yourself  in  the  same  class  as  infants  like 
Bey!" 

This  couldn't  pass,  of  course.  The  protest 
came  at  once.  "I'm  not  an  infant — I'm  seven 
and  a  half!"  Bey  shouted. 


i92     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

Betty  looked  all  her  condescension  as  she 
glanced  downward  from  her  height. 

"Well,  what's  that?"  she  queried.  "Wait 
until  you're  my  age  and  you'll  see!" 

What  Bey  had  to  wait  for  wasn't  explained, 
but  I  hope — though  long  after  she  has  passed 
Betty's  milestone — a  husband  as  splendid  as 
Bill! 

XXXIX 

THE  Babes  are  safely  at  school. 

I  shouldn't  care  to  have  been  one  of  the  staff 
when  the  whole  concern  moved  from  the  coast 
to  the  country,  but  I  should  imagine  that  now 
they  feel  relieved.  Blessed  Babes!  How  I 
love  them  and  yet —  .  .  . 

Stoics  perhaps,  but  not  ordinary  mortals, 
could  preserve  calm  of  mind  in  the  throes  of 
raids  by  air,  and  bombardment  by  sea,  while  re- 
sponsible for  fifty  children  belonging  to  nearly 
as  many  sets  of  parents. 

For  forty-eight  hours  I  haven't  heard  Bill 
speak — or  seen  him  speak,  I  should  say,  per- 
haps. 

A  while  longer  on  this  journey  and  half-an- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      193 

hour  in  Barnes'  old  crock  of  a  taxi  that  feeds 
now-a-days  on  a  mixed  diet  and  resents  it  row- 
dily, then  the  seventh  or  ninth  wonder  will  ap- 
pear carrying  a  bundle  of  letters — two  at  least 
from  France. 

It  is  so  lovely  to  have  a  husband — not  any  old 
husband — but  my  husband! 

There  are  three! 

Two  were  written  on  one  day,  and  each  is 
very  short. 

"Dearest  one,"  says  the  first, 

"A  line  in  case  I  don't  catch  the  post  with  a 
longer  letter  to-night. 

"Am  just  off  to  -  -  to  get  my  hair  cut  and 
shall  be  back,  I  hope,  in  time  to  write. 

"Out  on  patrol  this  morning  I  was  hit  on  the 
forehead  by  'Archie.'  My  goggles,  which  I  had 
pushed  back,  were  smashed,  but  saved  my  head. 

"I  love  you. 

"BILL." 

Well,  "that's  that"  as  Bill  would  say!  I  am 
obliged  to  sit  here  and  read  that  my  whole  world 
has  been  hit  on  the  head  by  a  piece  of  shell ;  that 
he  was  saved  by  the  merest  chance! 


194     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

I  can  just  manage  to  remind  myself  that  all 
life  is  "chance" — and  so  keep  calm.  What  else 
can  I  do? 

The  second  letter  was  written  during  the  after- 
noon. 

"Dearest, 

"I  have  just  got  back  to  find  your  letter  of  the 
i4th  waiting  for  me.  We  had  a  nice  lunch  at 

and  bought  lots  of  things — pyjamas  and 

underlinen  and  pictures  and  toilet  creams. 

"Just  in  time  for  the  post.     I  still  love  you. 

"BILL." 

The  third  one,  posted  next  day,  contains  the 
news  I  have  waited  for  and  longed  to  hear. 

"My  Wife, 

"I  knew  you'd  be  disappointed  at  the  scrap- 
piness  of  my  letters  yesterday,  but  I  hadn't  time 
to  write  more. 

"Things  are  still  very  quiet — partly  because 
the  weather  is  so  unsettled.  It  is  raining  and 
thundering  again  now. 

"After  lunch  I  went  to  the  range  and  fired  a 
drum  and  then  went  for  lunch  with  —  -  squad- 
ron. 

"Holt  was  there  too,  and  when  we  came  away 
we  got  up  to  2,000  together  and  at  my  signal 


195 

we  'rolled'  at  the  same  moment.  This  we  did 
four  times,  keeping  quite  near  each  other  all  the 
time.  Then  we  spun  and  did  Immelmanns  and 
finally  dived  together  at  the  sheds. 

"When  we  got  over  our  own  aerodrome  we 
did  the  same  performance  equally  successfully, 

"The  time  gets  nearer  for  my  leave. 

"Two  fellows  went  yesterday  and  I  am  one  of 
the  next  two. 

"We  shall  leave,  if  present  arrangements  con- 
tinue, a  few  days  after  their  return. 

"Where  do  you  wish  to  meet  me? 

"At  Folkestone  or  in  London?  I  rather  think 
the  latter. 

"I  got  your  letter  of  Saturday  when  I  got 
back. 

I  loved  to  read  of  you  making  the  blue  crepe- 
de-chine  things  because  they  are  for  me. 
"All,  all  yours, 

"BILL." 

"P.S. — I'd  nearly  forgotten  the  news.  Gra- 
haeme  has  been  awarded  the  M.C.  As  I  told 
you  before,  he  is  my  right  hand  man.  He  al- 
ways flies  close  behind  me,  and  I  always  know  he 
will  be  there. 

"I  had  a  little  bit  of  M.C.  ribbon  all  made  up 
ready,  and  when  the  wire  came  through  last 


196     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

evening  I  was  able  to  fish  it  out  of  my  pocket 
promptly,  and  pin  it  on  to  his  tunic. 

"Do  you  love  me? 

"I  worship  you. 

"BILL." 

XL 

OLD  WlTCHELL  came  this  morning  to  pick 
fruit  to  send  to  Irene.  When  I  heard  the  bell  I 
hung  out  of  my  bedroom  window. 

"Hullo!"  I  called. 

He  looked  up — his  round  face  beaming. 

"Good-marninM"  he  called.  "I  was  just  a- 
wondrin'  if  you  was  a-comin'  t'help  me  gather 
them  chirries!" 

I  laughed  at  him.     He  makes  you  laugh. 

"I'm  not  dressed,"  I  answered,  leaning  on  the 
ledge  to  indicate  that  I  didn't  intend  to  dress 
either. 

"Well  you  are  the  lazy  one  this  marnin'!"  he 
exclaimed. 

"Oh,  no,  I'm  not,"  I  contradicted.  "I've  been 
very  busy — I've  been  writing  my  letter  to  my 
husband." 

With  a  doubtful  expression  he  scratched  his 
head. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     197 

"Well,  I  do  be  wondrin'  what  you  have  t'  say 
t'one  another  ivry  day,"  he  cried,  and  added, 
"How  do  he  be? — Gettin'  on  nicely?" 

"Splendidly,  thanks.  And  how  are  Jack  and 
Jim?" 

"Fine,  thank  'ee.  Jack  he  be  back  we'  his 
ship  be  now.  He  were  a  bit  quiet  like.  Not 
the  same  lad  his  mother  tould  him." 

"What  did  he  say  to  that?" 

"He  didn't  say  nothin'.  But  I  reckon  he  do 
have  seen  things  t'  make  a  lad  quiet.  And  when 
do  'ee  be  expectin'  'eer  husband  home — have  'ee 
any  idea?" 

I  drew  a  deep  breath.  It  had  to  be  said  some- 
time— the  thing  I  dared  not  say  even  to  myself. 

I  looked  across  at  the  sky  where  it  meets  the 
ridge  of  the  Downs. 

"Oh,  make  it  true,"  I  prayed,  and  aloud  I 
answered: 

"A  fortnight  to-day  he  hopes  to  be  in  Eng- 
land!" 

~  And  when  the  words  had  passed  my  lips  I 
breathed  again. 

My  fear  left  me. 

He  will  come,  I  know. 


Old  Witchell's  voice  brought  me  to  myself. 


198     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"Be-ant  'ee  lonely  all  be  'eerself  in  this  big 
house?" 

Truly  I  believe  that  if  I  had  explained  to  him 
that  I  am  not  alone — that  Bill  is  with  me  all  the 
while — he  would  have  understood. 

But  I  couldn't  call  it  out  of  my  bedroom  win- 
dow, so  I  just  said:  "No — I'm  hardly  ever 
lonely!" 

"  'Taint  reet  for  no  one,"  he  replied,  seriously. 
Then  he  brightened  up. 

"I  tell  'ee  what — 'ee  come  along  this  afternoon 
an'  have  a  cup  a  tea  wi'  me  and  the  Missus. 
She'll  be  reet  glad!"  he  said. 

Bill's  letter  was  lying  on  the  table.  I  took  it 
up  to  read  again : — 

"Darlingest; 

"Because  there  were  two  editions  of  the  mail 
yesterday  I  got  no  letter  to-day.  Car  meme,  I 
can  read  your  other  one  again.  We  are  all  just 
setting  out  by  tender  for  a  Canadian  camp, 
where  a  big  base-ball  game  is  taking  place. 
Grahaeme  of  M.C.  and  blasphemy  fame  is  in 
charge  of  the  outing. 

"This  morning  I  led  the  early  patrol.  It  was 
a  perfect  morning  and  we  went  a  long  way  over 
at  16,000,  but  saw  nothing. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE      199 

"I  have  been  trying  to  make  everybody  in  the 
flight  roll,  and  two  of  them  do  it  now.  So  when 
the  patrol  was  nearly  over  I  gave  a  signal  and 
rolled — Grahaeme  promptly  did  the  same  and 
Holt  also ; — and  we  came  back  over  the  lines  in 
a  big  'V,'  throwing  ourselves  all  over  the  sky. 
once  I  turned  over  on  my  back  and  flew  like  that 
for  half  a  minute. 

"After  breakfast  I  went  to  do  the  climbing 
test  and  stunting  I  told  you  of,  before  the  H.Q. 
Staff.  It  was  quite  unexciting.  I  just  did 
everything  I  could  think  of  and  then  came  home. 

"The  Odd  Man  left  to-day  for  England.  He 
said  he  would  try  to  look  you  up.  I  hope  he 
does.  . 

"Do  you  know  how  I  love  you?  I  cannot  cal- 
culate it.  My  lovely  lover. 

"BILL." 

XLI 

SOMEONE  has  written  an  article  "On  Leave." 
It  is  the  outburst  of  a  soldier  who  goes  back 

to  a  pleasant  calm  country  and  hears  his  own 

people  "talk  war." 
They    ask    him    questions    and    he    answers 

vaguely,  for  he  knows  that  if  he  were  to  speak 


200     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

his  bitterness  as  bitterly  as  he  feels  it  they, 
though  kind  and  forbearing,  without  compre- 
hending in  the  least  would  think  him  a  little 
mad. 

He  sneers. 

"What  do  they  know  of  this  Hell  of  war?" 

How  can  they  know?  With  the  most  vivid 
imagination  how  can  they  know? 

But,  on  the  other  hand,  what  does  he  know  of 
the  Hell  of  those  who  stay  at  home? 

What  of  all  the  fathers  who,  willingly,  would 
give  their  lives  for  their  sons;  and  the  mothers 
whose  soldier  boys  are  their  babies;  and  the 
wives  who  wait  and  fear  and  ache  for  them. 

There  are  two  sides  to  this,  soldier! 

Who  is  to  say  which  suffers  more — and  who 
is  to  know? 

"Aimee,  dear  one,"  my  lover  says  to-day. 

"The  letter  I  received  from  you  this  morning 
—written  on  your  railway  journey — was  just 
lovely. 

"By  now  I  suppose  you  are  back  again.  I 
hope  your  mother  will  have  returned  with  you. 

"Have  you  noticed — of  course  you  have — that 
my  letters  get  much  briefer  lately?  I  find  much 
less  to  write  about  than  formerly.  The  new  im- 
pressions seem  to  be  pretty  well  exhausted — and 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     201 

besides  that  we  do  so  little  lately  that  there's  not 
a  lot  of  news  for  you. 

"But  I'm  waiting  to  hear  something  of  your 
short  stories.  What  about  them? 

"In  the  latest  official  communique  appears  the 
following:  'Hostile  Aircraft. — In  the  evening 
Lieut.  B—  -  (your  husband)  while  on  offensive 
patrol  drove  down  a  German  machine  out  of 
control.  He  then  attacked  a  second,  which  was 
driven  down  and  crashed.  Lieut.  G—  -  of  the 
same  Squadron  drove  down  a  hostile  scout  out  of 
control.' 

"Bloodthirsty! 

"But  I  love  you,  dear  lover. 
"All,  all  yours. 

"BILL." 

XLII 

I  DON'T  know  how  other  wives  feel  when  their 
husbands  are  due  for  leave. 

Nothing  so  wonderful  ever  has  happened  to 
me  before. 

Our  marriage  was  an  adventure — and  I  love 
adventure!  It  promised  a  lot  of  things— com- 
panionship, interest,  some  one  on  whom  to  con- 
centrate affection,  and  from  whom  affection 
would  be  given. 


202     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

It  promised  much,  but  not  this  ecstasy  that  is 
so  calm,  so  radiant. 

It  envelops  me.  I  am  possessed  by  a  miracle 
of — what  it  is? 

I  think  it  must  be  love! 

Bill  becomes  less  articulate  as  the  time  of  our 
meeting  draws  closer.  And  in  my  letters  to 
him  I  am  more  garrulous,  I  notice.  I  tell  him 
silly  details — about  my  new  frock  and  hat,  and 
the  shoes  which  Monsieur,  who  makes  for  queens 
and  kings,  won't  promise  to  deliver  until  the 
very  last  moment,  although  they  were  ordered 
a  month  ago  and  he  charges  the  earth!  His 
expression  suggests,  "Take  it  or  leave  it." 
So,  of  course,  you  just  take  it,  and  leave  it  at 
that. 

If  they  don't  fit,  goodness  knows  what  I'll  do, 
for  my  others  are  in  rags. 

Then  I  tell  him  about  the  new  crepe-de-chine 
things,  and  the  new  "boudoir"  caps,  and  the 
absurd  little  jacket  to  go  with  them — to  wear 
when  we  sit  up  in  bed  with  our  heads  close  to- 
gether drinking  our  morning  tea. 

It  isn't  the  slightest  use  of  any  one  complain- 
ing that  these  details  are  superfluous  in  war  time. 
They  are  more  necessary  than  ever  they  were  to 
the  man  who  has  lived  war  for  months. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     203 

"My  dear,  dear  Wife,"  he  says. 

"I  got  your  letter  of  Thursday  the  i9th  to-day. 
I  love  it.  I  liked  the  bits  about  your  clothes 
and  things. 

"You  want  to  know  how  I  am.  Awfully  fit 
except  for  a  touch  of  that  Suvla  indigestion  dur- 
ing the  last  week. 

"And  now!  What  are  your  plans  for  when  I 
get  to  England? 

"Where  will  you  meet  me  and  where  shall  we 
stay? 

"Faulkner  left  to-day  on  his  leave,  and  if  the 
other  fellows  return  to  time  I  may  leave  here 
on  the  3rd  or  4th  and  get  to  London  the  follow- 
ing day.  That  is  a  week  next  Wednesday  or 
Thursday  or  Friday.  Of  course  when  I  know 
definitely  I  will  wire  you. 

"I  got  the  enclosed  letter  to-day  from  Dick. 
I  hope  to  see  him  again  before  I  come  on  leave. 

"Darling  lover,  I  want  you  more  than  I  dare 
realize.  Do  you  love  me?  All  my  love. 

"BILL." 

XLIII 

HOW  am  I  to  exist  until  he  comes? 
On  Sunday,  as  we  sat  round  the  tea  table  in 
her  tiny   parlor  crammed  with   colored   glass 


204     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

ornaments — "presents  from  somewhere" — and 
crinkled  paper  and  enlargements  of  photo- 
graphs, Mrs.  Witchell  said:  "I  don't  hold  wi' 
flyin'.  .  .  .  The  Lord  He  di'n'  give  us  no  wings. 
.  .  .  'Tain't  proper.  .  .  .  'Tis  callin'  forth  His 
mispleasure  'tis!" 

"The  Lord  didn't  give  us  fins — and  yet  Jack 
sails  on  the  sea!"  I  reminded  her  maliciously, 
because  the  little  arrow  of  foreboding  cut 
through  my  heart  and,  as  she  had  sent  it,  hu- 
manly I  wanted  her  to  share  the  pain. 

I  went  on  chewing  at  the  large  chunk  of  home- 
made cake  and  watched  her  expression  grow 
puzzled,  then  uneasy;  but  soon  it  became  placid 
again. 

"  'Tis  diffrent.  .  .  .  'Tain't  the  same,"  she 
said — and  that  was  enough. 

As  she  seemed  to  know  so  much  of  what  the 
Lord  thinks,  I  wanted  to  ask  her  if  He  approved 
of  war;  of  the  big  shells  from  the  big  guns  with 
which  Jack  and  Jim  are  obliged  to  massacre 
their  kind;  of  all  this  perversion  of  reason;  of 
the  useless,  silly  waste  of  it  all. 

But  instead  I  went  on  eating  cake. 

Old  Witchell,  in  his  pale  blue  shirt  sleeves, 
best  satin  spotted  tie,  and  best  black  trousers  and 
waistcoat,  sat  on  my  other  side. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     205 

Jerry  and  Gwendolen-Ivy,  solidly  munching, 
stared,  goggle-eyed,  at  whoever  spoke.  Mary's 
baby  lay  on  the  horsehair  sofa,  with  Mary — so 
motherly  glad — on  the  edge  to  keep  it  from  roll- 
ing off.  And  every  time  Witchell  turned  his 
beaming  scarlet  face  toward  her  the  baby 
yelled. 

"Yew  fill  his  HI'  belly  too  full— that  what  I 
says!''  he  cried  at  last  in  exasperation. 

"That  I  don't,"  denied  Mary,  with  a  toss  of 
her  head.  "  'Tis  a  princess  could  be  no  better 
looked  to  than  my  babe.  .  .  .  'Tis  yew  wi'  your 
great  voice  a'-shoutin'  at  the  lamb  like  what  you 
did  that  day!" 

Into  her  arms  she  gathered  the  small  bundle. 

"There  now,"  she  crooned.  "His  Dad  be 
a'-comin'  soon  he  be.  ...  Never  'ee  take  no 
heed  then.  .  .  .  His  Dad  what  never  see  his  lil' 
face — he  be  a'-comin'  soon — soon!" 

And  as  I  heard  the  poetry  of  her  voice  I  knew 
herself  was  with  the  sailor  who  since  three  weeks 
before  their  babe  was  born  hasn't  seen  his  wife. 

Jack's  best  friend  is  Mary's  man.  The  two 
work  together  on  the  big  ship  somewhere  on 
the  wide  sea — when  you  pass  your  days  encircled 
by  the  ridge  of  the  Downs,  all  beyond  also  seems 
beyond  measurement,  you  know — and  as  Jack  is 


206     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

one  of  those  who  live  in  other's  joy  you  can  im- 
agine how  the  father  is  allowed  to  pivot  every 
conversation  round  one  subject — Mary  and  the 
babe — the  babe  and  Mary! 


Oh,  I  wish  I  could  lose  consciousness  until  he 
comes — or  wish  he  could  be  kept  in  a  glass-case 
until  the  day. 

"My  dear  one,"  he  says. 

"I'm  out  on  the  advanced  landing  ground 
again.  It  is  rather  a  dud  day  and  so  far  we  have 
had  nothing  to  do.  This  morning  I  was  up  at 
three  o'clock  as  I  had  to  lead  at  O.P.  as  soon  as 
it  was  light,  but  the  clouds  were  too  low,  so  I 
went  to  bed  again  at  5  A.  M. 

"I  had  no  success  yesterday.  When  I  got  to 
where  Dick  had  been  I  found  that  they  had 
moved  away.  I  had  tea  with  the  C.R.E.  and 
whole  bundles  of  Brigadiers  and  red  tabs  again, 
and  I  got  home  at  9  A.  M.  There  was  a  lovely 
letter  from  you  waiting  for  me. 

"I  am  just  going  to  fly  back  to  the  aerodrome 
for  the  mail.  It  is  Friday  now  and  by  next 
Wednesday — just  imagine!  I  can't.  Can  you 
hear  me  shouting  for  my  machine,  and  can  you 
see  the  mechanics  running  out? 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     207 

"Later. 

"The  Aerodrome. 

"I  landed  here  ten  minutes  ago  and  found  the 
most  lovely  letter  of  all — the  one  written  on 
Monday  telling  me  delicious  things.  Dear, 
dear  Aimee,  my  ecstasy  is  almost  too  much. 

"All,  all  yours, 

"BILL." 

XLIV 

TO-DAY  I  came  home. 

Suddenly  I  couldn't  bear  the  solitude.  Al- 
though it  is  Sunday  and  I  had  arranged  to  come 
here  on  Monday  or  Tuesday  I  just  couldn't  wait. 
The  noise  and  racket  are  welcome.  The  rest- 
lessness catches  my  mood.  Mother  understands. 
She  wasn't  a  bit  surprised  to  see  me. 

I  can't  sleep.  I  don't  want  to.  I  want  to  talk 
about  Bill. 

Mother  listened  until  her  eyes,  which  are  most 
alert  at  midnight,  began  to  close,  and  now  I  am 
reading  his  last  letter  again. 

"You  darling,"  he  says. 

"You  thrill  me  too  much.  A  lovelier  letter 
than  yesterday's  came  for  me  to-day  and  made 
me  faint  with  delight.  My  dear,  dear  woman, 


2o8     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

I  love  you — your  mind  and  your  body — beyond 
all  expression. 

"The  letter  from  you  was  written  on  the  26th 
in  bed  and  on  the  day  when  you  got  no  letter 
from  me. 

"And  now,  the  news.  I've  got  a  flight;  and  in 
about  three  weeks  I  expect  to  be  gazetted  Cap- 
tain and  Flight-Commander. 

"It  isn't  'B'  Flight;  that  is  my  only  regret. 
I  so  much  wanted  'B'  Flight,  and  all  the  fellows 
in  it  and  the  personnel  wanted  me  to  have  it 
too. 

"You  see  since  Romney  left  the  Squadron  I 
have  been  running  *B'  Flight  with  the  exception 
of  a  few  days. 

"More  news.  Kyrle  has  been  awarded  an 
M.C. 

"The  wire  came  last  night.  We  are  all  glad. 
He  is,  as  I  have  often  told  you,  a  wonderful  pilot 
and  a  topping  patrol  leader,  with  lots  of  strafe 
and  lots  of  caution. 

"Still  more  news.  The  wing  adjutant  rang 
up  this  afternoon  to  say  that  my  leave  will  start 
on  Wednesday  or  Thursday;  more  probably 
Wednesday. 

"If  I  fly  over  I  ought  to  be  in  London  the 
same  evening;  if  not,  about  mid-day  the  follow- 
ing day. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     209 

"I  must  catch  the  post  with  this,  as  it  may  be 
the  last  letter  you  can  receive  before  I  arrive. 
But  I  will  go  on  writing  until  I  leave  here,  of 
course. 

"Do  you  love  me?    <Yes,  Bill.' 

"BILL." 

XLV 

WE  had  had  lunch  and  were  drinking  coffee. 

Purcell  entered  with  a  telegram,  which  she 
handed  to  me. 

I  tore  it  open  and  read : 

"Leave  commenced  sooner  than  expected. 
Arriving  Victoria  2  P.  M.  to-day.  Meet  me 
Savoy  Hotel." 

I  looked  at  Mother  and  Maisie,  who  were 
staring.  Then  I  looked  at  the  clock.  The  small 
hand  said  "two"  and  the  large  hand  almost  cov- 
ered it.  I  sprang  from  my  chair. 
J'Mother!"  I  cried.  "Bill's  train  will  be  in 
the  station  now!  .  .  .  Oh,  what  shall  I  do?" 

Mother  and  Maisie  and  Purcell  helped  me 
into  a  frock.  The  new  hat  had  come  and 
proved  to  be  one  of  those  perfect  affairs  that 
adapt  themselves  to  an  emergency;  the  shoes  we 
had  wrenched  from  Monsieur  earlier  in  the 


210     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

day;  and  when  the  long  chain  of  turquoise 
matrix  had  been  clasped,  and  the  last  whisper 
of  powder  had  been  whisked  on,  to  what  Maisie 
calls  "the  flaps"  of  my  nose,  I  kissed  them  all 
and  flew  down  to  the  waiting  taxi. 

At  the  Savoy,  dozens  of  soldier  men — lots  of 
them  with  Flying  Corps  caps — drifted  in  and 
out.  I  sat  in  a  corner  from  where  I  best  could 
see,  and  my  heart  did  all  sorts  of  silly  things. 

Though  most  men  may  not  be  as  wonderful 
as  Bill,  their  uniforms  are  not  unlike. 

The  twisting  doorway  turned  again.  I  saw 
him. 

There  was  no  mistaking  when  he  came  at 
length. 

Straight  to  the  desk  he  went — for  we  had 
arranged  that  I  should  take  a  room,  though  not 
so  soon. 

I  saw  him  speak,  and  after  a  pause,  during 
which  the  official  consulted  a  book,  I  saw  him 
receive  an  answer,  then  slowly  turn  away;  and 
I  knew  that,  immediately,  he  would  telephone 
to  ask  my  whereabouts. 

I  knew,  too,  that  he  would  go  to  me  at  once. 

Then  I  stopped  being  another  person.  I 
knew  that  it  was  necessary  to  move. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     211 

Next  moment  I  had  touched  his  arm. 
"Bill!"  I  said. 
He  turned  to  look  at  me. 
He  seemed  to  look  and  look — and  then  he 
spoke. 

"Aimee!"  he  whispered. 

And  I  knew  the  word  meant  "Beloved." 


XLVI 

TO-DAY  Bill  goes  to  France  again.  A  moment 
ago  we  stood  outside  the  aerodrome,  and  all 
•  about  us  the  fields  shone  in  an  amazing  splendor. 
Beyond  these  fields  was  the  sea. 

Overhead,  like  black  or  silver  streaks  against 
the  blue  heaven,  aeroplanes  darted  about.  En- 
gines buzzed  and  droned;  shots  followed  one  an- 
other in  staccato  succession;  a  machine  rose  ver- 
tically from  the  target,  to  whirl  and  dive  again. 

I  felt  Bill's  excitement — his  eagerness  once 
more  to  handle  the  mechanism,  to  return  to  the 
work  into  which  he  throws  every  ounce  of  his 
capacity;  to  the  men  in  whose  skill  he  delights 
with  almost  an  artistic  appreciation. 

His  eyes  followed  a  little  speck  on  the  hori- 
zon. 


212     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"Oh,  you  would  love  it.  ...  How  I  just  long 
to  take  you,  too,"  he  cried. 

Quickly  my  gaze  came  back  to  his  face,  for 
he  had  voiced  my  most  ardent  wish. 

"That  would  be  wonderful,"  I  said.  Then 
so  that  he  should  know  I  didn't  grieve  and  how 
glad  I  felt  in  the  sunshine,  I  added:  "But  I'm 
happy.  .  .  I'm  perfectly  content  that  you  should 
go."  And  as  his  clasp  tightened  on  my  hand  I 
smiled,  for  my  joyousness  surely  must  mean  all 
would  be  well — that  he  and  I  were  parting  only 
for  a  little  while! 

But  I  wanted  an  assurance  from  his  lips,  and 
my  eyes  looked  into  his  to  see  the  truth  for  fear 
he  should  utter  words  merely  for  my  peace  of 
heart. 

"You  are  coming  back?  .  .  .  You  know 
you're  coming  back?"  I  questioned. 

Seriously  he  turned  to  me  and  spoke  with  ab- 
solute conviction.  "I'm  certain — quite  certain," 
he  said. 

After  that  no  cloud  remained. 

For  an  hour  we  had  motored  through  lanes 
and  villages — and  now  the  man  at  the  wheel  is 
taking  me  on  alone. 

It's  funny  how  glad  I  feel. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     213 

XLVII 

IN  the  train  there  were  two  very  small  boys. 

They  wore  pink  and  white  striped  blouses  and 
minute  pink  linen  trousers,  fastening  on  the 
shoulders  with  straps. 

They  had  corn-colored  mops  of  hair,  blue 
eyes,  and  impossibly  perfect  complexions.  The 
mother,  a  woman  who  looked  as  though  she  had 
no  thought  to  spare  for  herself,  wiped  her  face 
with  a  handkerchief. 

"They've  been  traveling  for  hours,"  she  said. 
"They  are  just  about  fed  up!" 

Then,  while  the  younger  one  clambered  on 
to  my  knee  to  tug  at  the  chain  round  my  neck, 
she  went  on  to  explain  that  they  were  going 
North  to  a  grandmother  to  escape  the  bombs 
which  had  fallen  several  times  about  their  part 
of  the  world. 

"That  one — his  nerves  is  awful!  .  .  .  But 
"don't  let  him  worry  you  like  that,"  she  pleaded, 
bending  forward  to  try  to  lift  him  away. 

Puckering  up  his  face  he  clung  to  the  chain; 
and  at  this  the  other  one,  realizing  that  he  missed 
an  excitement,  stretched  across  until  I  had  to 
clutch  him  also  to  prevent  a  fall. 

The    mother   sighed.     Her   expression    sug- 


214     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

gested  that  the  gods  were  using  their  last  straw. 

"Why  not  leave  them  to  me  and  go  to  sleep?" 
I  said;  and  then  after  that,  while  they  turned 
me  into  a  game  quite  ruthlessly,  I  reflected  on 
grandmothers  and  mothers  and  how  they  come 
to  pass. 

It  was  when  we  changed,  however,  that  I 
longed  for  Bill  to  see  us. 

"My  porter  will  bring  your  luggage,"  .  .  . 
I  assured  the  mother.  .  .  .  "Don't  bother  about 
it  at  all." 

But  when  I  saw  that  no  words  would  persuade 
her  to  leave  it,  I  said  I  would  be  responsible  for 
the  live  stock,  and  to  this  she  agreed,  but  on  the 
platform  they  seemed  to  become  shorter  and 
fatter,  until  they  looked  like  round  fluffy  balls. 

One  on  either  hand  they  toddled  placidly  until 
one  of  them  without  warning  yelled: 

"Mummy!  .  .  .  Mummy!  .  .  .Where  Mum- 
my?" 

Fearfully  I  looked  back,  to  see  his  mummy 
in  the  throes  of  suit  cases  and  a  perambulator, 
so,  stooping  down,  I  gathered  this  infant  into 
one  arm,  without  daring  to  leave  hold  of  his 
brother. 

"Mummy's  coming  soon,"  ...  I  whispered. 
.  .  .  "Be  a  good  boy  and  I'll  give  you  lots  of 
nice  things." 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     215 

Whether  or  no  he  heard  didn't  matter,  for  he 
re-discovered  the  chain  about  my  neck,  and  with 
little  grunts  and  babbles  of  delight  began  to  tug 
at  it  for  all  he  was  worth. 

A  very  immaculate  elderly  man  stepped  aside 
from  the  door  of  the  compartment  and  frigidly 
helped  us  in. 

Then  after  staring  with  disapproval  and  per- 
plexity for  some  moments  he  made  up  his  mind 
to  speak. 

"Your  husband  at  the  war,  my  dear?"  he 
asked. 

Panicked  at  the  thought  of  the  damage  they 
might  do  themselves,  I  clung  to  the  struggling 
infants,  clutching  both  in  one  bundle  on  my 
knee. 

"Yes!  .  .  .  He's  an  airman,"  I  gasped. 

Over  his  eyeglass  he  drew  his  brows  together. 

"Dear  me.  .  .  .  Dear  me!"  he  muttered — and 
I  knew  he  was  pitying  Bill. 

This  "Hydro"  is  a  terrible  place.  At  dinner 
I  felt  uncharitable  and  my  own  distaste  annoyed 
me,  for  I  would  like  to  feel  well  disposed  toward 
all  people. 

I  left  before  the  meal  was  half  way  over  and 
came  to  this  corner  of  the  lounge  to  write  to 
Bill. 


2i6     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

To  look  at  some  of  the  people  here  is  to  dread 
age;  but  I  know  that  in  the  course  of  things  we 
must  grow  old  some  day;  and  when  that  happens 
to  me  I  want  to  be  like  the  woman  who  has 
tucked  herself  into  the  corner  opposite. 

She  is  wearing  a  frock  that  hangs  in  folds  and 
draperies,  and  her  white  hair  is  piled  up  on  her 
head  with  a  jewelled  comb. 

She  puffs  away  at  a  cigarette  in  a  long  slim 
holder;  and  glances  humorously  at  me. 

She  loves  and  respects  her  age,  and  she  means 
every  one  else  to  love  and  respect  it  too. 

To-morrow  Joan  should  come.  I  am  longing 
for  her;  but  even  more  I  long  for  my  first  letter 
from  Bill. 

Now  I  will  go  to  bed  and  morning  will  not 
seem  so  remote. 


XLVIII 

IT  has  come — my  letter! 

"Darling,"  it  says, 

"Gazetted  to-day!     Am  just  leaving  on  one  of 
the  newest  type  of  scout  machine. 

"All  my  love. 

"BILL." 


217 

I  might  have  been  certain  he  would  find  a 
moment  to  write  and  send  me  all  his  love! 

Again  I  feel  as  I  felt  after  our  last  parting— 
that  I  am  not  alone.  Even  in  this  strange  place 
Bill's  thoughts  are  with  me. 

Wasn't  I  cross  last  night? 

It  was  disgusting  of  me. 

Indeed  it  is  a  pity  that  I,  who  have  so  much, 
should  fail  to  understand  that  all  men  and  wom- 
en are  the  result  of  circumstance  and  that  to 
criticize  is  to  prove  my  limitation. 

I  wonder  if  Bill's  waking  thought  was  of  me? 

But  of  course  it  was,  for  I  am  with  him  all  the 
while. 

Now  I  will  get  up  and  go  to  meet  Joan. 

It  was  a  splendid  idea  for  us  to  spend  her 
holiday  together.  I  expect  we  shall  talk  of  Bill 
most  of  the  time. 

'  •  •  •  •  •  •  • 

Joan  is  very  content  to  sit  on  the  veranda, 
or  to  walk  without  an  aim,  listening  to  the  tales 
Bill  has  told  me,  and  to  the  account  of  his  leave, 
for  she  saw  him  only  during  the  three  or  four 
days  at  home. 

She  is  most  thrilled  to  hear  of  the  evening  in 
town  with  Romney  and  Faulkner  and  Grahaeme 
and  the  others.  She  wishes  she  had  been  with 


2i8     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

us  and  I  wish  it  too,  though  I  was  selfish  and 
wanted  Bill  all  to  myself. 

Next  time  he  comes  on  leave  we  must  per- 
suade her  to  go  to  town  with  us  and  give  her  a 
riotous  time. 

Anyway  she  must  be  with  us  in  Paris  after- 
wards. She  has  too  many  of  Bill's  possibilities 
to  be  allowed  to  waste  herself  in  one  groove. 

I  have  told  her  also  of  the  five  perfect  days 
on  the  golf  course  by  the  sea;  and  of  Bill's 
pleasure  in  my  "style,"  though  I  played  so  atro- 
ciously, and  of  his  lecture  on  concentration  be- 
cause I  became  absorbed  in  an  account  of  our 
opponent's  hospital  work  instead  of  thinking  of 
my  next  shot. 

She  laughed  much  about  the  little  man  who, 
in  spite  of  the  fact  that  bombs  fall  regularly  in 
the  street  where  he  has  his  office,  has  tempted 
providence  by  supplying  himself  with  socks 
enough  to  last  for  many  years — because  wool  is 
going  to  be  so  scarce  and  expensive  after  the 
war! 


Each  day  brings  nearer  the  first  letter  from 
France. 

To-morrow  it  should  come. 
The  days  seem  unreal  and  so  do  the  people 


219 

here — except  Joan,  who  is  of  the  same  flesh  and 
blood  as  Bill. 

Last  night  there  was  a  dance.  The  music  got 
into  my  veins  and  I  longed  for  my  lover  to 
come. 

He  didn't  though — and  so  I  enticed  Joan  into 
the  corridor  and  bullied  her  into  learning  a  fox- 
trot and  a  one-step  and  a  hesitation  waltz.  To- 
night some  one  concocted  a  concert  in  aid  of  the 
military  hospital.  The  whole  thing  seemed  to 
be  like  a  caricature.  Very  fat  men  and  very 
thin  women — or  very  thin  men  and  very  fat 
women — all  crusted  and  rusted  into  grooves,  sat 
and  listened  while  performers  from  among  them 
did  their  turns. 

The  few  young  ones  seemed  all  pose  and 
meaningless  sagacity.  Uncomfortably  I  won- 
dered what  ailed  my  point  of  view,  and  was 
relieved  to  find  that  Joan  wanted  to  leave  the 
place. 

_  "Let's  go  to  bed,"  she  whispered,  and  as  we 
passed  the  alcove  I  saw  the  woman  whose  grow- 
ing old  has  been  accomplished  with  grace. 

She  lay  among  her  cushions,  knitting  leisurely 
—her  long  cigarette  holder  gripped  between  her 
teeth. 

Both  the  holder  and  the  teeth  probably  were 
expensive,  but  it  is  not  her  bank  balance  that 


220     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

gives  her  distinction,  for  all  the  others  look  full 
of  cheque-books. 

Just  a  tiny  glint  of  irony  tinged  the  tolerant 
amusement  of  her  glance. 

She  is  very  wise,  I  think. 

I  want  Bill. 

I  feel  all  incomplete. 


XLIX 

THE  letter  has  come  at  last. 

It  seems  ages  since  I  heard  from  my  love,  but 
really  it  is  four  days  only. 

Now  something  should  arrive  from  him  each 
morning  and  the  days  will  be  worthy  of  the  sun- 
shine once  more. 

"Darling,"  he  says. 

"I  got  back  to  the  squadron  half-an-hour  ago 
—too  late  for  the  post.  I  find  lots  of  things  have 
been  happening — but  I  must  tell  you  first  of  my 
crossing. 

"It  wasn't  at  all  nice  really.  I'd  never  seen 
a  -  -  scout  before,  nor  the  type  of  engine  used 
in  it,  but  when  they  asked  me  if  I  could  fly  one 
I  said  'yes'  promptly. 

"I  think  it  would  have  been  all  right  if  every- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     221 

thing  had  been  normal,  but  the  petrol  and  air 
adjustment  was  frightfully  difficult  to  work.  A 
fitter  spent  half-an-hour  trying  to  get  the  engine 
started  and  to  keep  it  going  and  to  show  me  how 
to  do  it,  and  then  I  spent  twenty  minutes  trying 
to  taxi  out  across  the  aerodrome. 

"Finally  I  got  desperate  and  the  next  time 
the  engine  started — about  the  eighth — I  opened 
all  out  and  went  right  off. 

"After  you  had  left  me  I  watched  the  taxi  dis- 
appearing down  the  lane  and  wondered  what 
were  your  thoughts. 

"I  met  a  fellow  I  knew  and  talked  w7ith  him 
for  an  hour,  and  then  about  11.30  I  was  told 
there  would  be  a  -  -  scout  for  me,  so  I  went 
down  to  the  mess  and  wrote  a  note  to  you  before 
I  left. 

"Getting  away  was  an  awful  business.  I  had 
to  pack  my  haversack  in  no  space  at  all,  and  as 
I  had  to  wear  a  big  life-belt — in  case  I  landed  in 
the  water — I  was  horribly  cramped  and  felt  sure 
I'd  never  be  able  to  fly  a  strange  machine  like 
that. 

"When  I  did  get  off  I  hardly  knew  it.  I  was 
barely  breathing  for  wondering  if  the  engine 
would  stop  for  the  ninth  time  when  I  crawled 
over  the  sheds.  The  engine  wasn't  going  all  out 
but  just  enough  to  lift  me  from  the  ground. 


222     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"However,  it  improved  after  I  got  clear  of  the 
aerodrome,  and  I  climbed  up  to  1,000  feet  before 
it  gave  me  any  trouble. 

"Then  it  started  dropping  its  revolutions,  and 
when  I  tried  to  re-adjust  it,  stopped  altogether. 

"I  got  it  started  again  when  I  had  fallen  to 
1,500  feet,  and  without  further  trouble  climbed 
to  7,000  feet  and  headed  out  to  sea. 

"Then  it  gave  out  again  and  I  had  to  turn 
back. 

"I  felt  horribly  wild  with  it  now,  so  when, 
after  losing  2,000  feet,  I  got  it  again,  I  headed 
straight  across  for  the  French  coast,  which  I 
could  see. 

"I  can't  describe  to  you  the  tenseness  with 
which  I  watched  my  engine  for  the  next  twenty 
minutes.  Every  two  or  three  minutes  it  started 
to  fail,  slightly,  and  I  had  to  work  cautiously 
at  the  hand  pump  to  keep  up  pressure  in  the 
petrol  tank,  and  very  gingerly  to  alter  the  air 
and  petrol  adjustment. 

"I  don't  think  I  was  nervous  about  coming 
down.  I  thought  of  that  eventuality  quite 
calmly  and  decided  how  I  would  glide  down  as 
near  as  possible  to  one  of  the  dozens  of  naval 
vessels  which  I  could  see  below  me. 

"But  the  result  of  watching  my  engine  closely 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     223 

was  that  I  never  saw  the  coast  again  and  found 
myself  well  into  France  looking  for  my  destina- 
tion over  absolutely  unknown  country. 

"Either  by  luck  or  instinct  I  went  straight  to 
it — and  then  I  did  feel  nervous  really.  I  daren't 
throttle  down  the  engine  for  fear  of  it  stopping 
altogether,  so  I  left  the  adjustment  quite  alone, 
shut  off  the  petrol  at  the  supply  and  glided  down 
to  1,000  feet  over  the  aerodrome;  then  opened 
the  petrol  again  and  the  engine  came  on  all  right. 

"For  the  last  little  bit  I  used  the  thumb  switch 
—making  the  engine  buzz  just  now  and  again 
to  give  me  sufficient  speed  to  touch  the  ground  in 
the  required  spot. 

"I  put  her  down  without  breaking  anything 
and  felt  extremely  pleased. 

"When  I  landed  I  found  a  side-car  driver  of 
the  squadron  waiting  about  and  asked  if  he  had 
come  for  me.  He  said  he  had  come  for  an  offi- 
cer who  was  flying  over.  'That's  me  all  right,' 
I  said,  and  went  down  to  the  town  for  lunch. 

"After  feeding  I  bought  extra  stars  and  had 
them  sewn  on  my  tunic  and  then  came  here. 

"I  could  not  conceal  from  myself  the  eager- 
ness I  felt  to  get  back.  The  side-car  driver  told 
me  a  few  of  the  things  that  had  happened  since 
I  was  away — of  the  number  of  Huns  down  and 


224     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

the  scraps  with  big  formations,  and  of  one  of  my 
flight  missing — Donaldson,  a  comparatively  new 
pilot  here. 

"When  I  arrived  I  found  that  the  side-car 
wasn't  for  me  at  all.  Another  pilot  had  had  to 
fly  an  old  machine  that  was  being  returned  and 
the  side-car  was  sent  ahead  to  bring  him  back. 

"When  he  arrived  and  found  I  had  taken  his 
side-car  he  blasphemed  for  half-an-hour  and 
wired  for  another. 

"I  had  quite  a  nice  reception.  The  C.O.  and 
the  'Odd  Man'  were  playing  tennis,  and  my 
flight  was  just  starting  an  patrol.  I  offered  to 
go,  but  the  C.O.  said  it  wasn't  necessary. 

"Holt  has  done  very  well  with  the  flight. 
He  has  got  two  Huns  and  two  other  fellows  one 
each. 

"I  started  writing  to  you  last  night,  but  I  was 
too  tired  and  sleepy  to  continue.  I  slept  until 
7.30  this  morning  and  was  wakened  then  for 
patrol  and  the  advanced  landing  ground. 
However,  it  was  raining  a  little  and  was  very 
overcast;  and  the  work  is  washed  out  for  the 
day. 

"This  gave  me  an  early  chance  to  tackle  the 
C.O.  I  have  planted  the  MS.  right  on  him  and 
sat  on  his  bed  until  he  had  read  every  word  of 
the  letters,  and — I  think — a  lot  more. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     225 

"He  said  he  saw  no  reason  why  it  shouldn't 
go  through  all  right  and  suggested  a  few  minor 
alterations.  And  he  liked  it  too! 

"So  now  you  can  go  ahead.  To-night  I  will 
post  it  with  the  C.O.'s  written  permission. 

"Just  at  this  moment  Holt,  sitting  on  his  bed, 
is  deep  in  it  and  chuckling  over  your  bits  of 
humor. 

"Well,  I  think  that's  all  the  news  I  can  think 
of. 

"I  haven't  said  anything  about  my  leave.  But 
it  isn't  necessary,  is  it?  It  was  just  perfect. 

"And  I  love  you. 

"BILL." 

Many  times  I  have  read  this  letter.  When  I 
read  it  I  like  to  recall  his  answer  to  my  question, 
"You're  coming  back?  .  .  .  You  know  you're 
coming  back?" 

"I'm  certain,  quite  certain,"  he  said,  didn't  he, 
and  you  remember  I  was  looking  into  his  eyes 
at  the  time! 

•  •••••• 

I  also  am  unable  to  speak  of  our  time  together 
—except  when  I  tell  Joan  of  superficial  details. 
I  wonder  if  those  who  believe  in  Heaven  could 
imagine  anything  more  enthralling,  more  com- 
plete! 


226     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 


THE  "little  Saxon  nest"  is  like  a  dream.  The 
clear  days  of  work  and  easy  thought;  the  woods 
when,  under  the  vivid  green  of  the  trees,  blue- 
bells grew  so  lavishly  that  they  covered  the  dead 
brown  leaves  that  in  turn  covered  the  damp  earth 
—all  these  are  distant,  a  lovely  part  of  memory. 

The  ridge  of  the  Downs  against  the  sky  will 
stay  always  before  my  eyes — so  long  I  looked  at 
it  and  prayed  for  my  lover  to  come. 

Irene  and  Nanny  and  the  family  of  one  are 
real ;  and  some  day  I  hope  they  will  allow  me 
to  go  back  to  them ;  but  now  I  will  go  to  Bill's 
people,  who  are  my  people — to  stay  with  them 
till  he  comes  again.  To  be  with  his  sister  is  so 
sweet;  to  be  with  his  mother  will  be  sweeter 
still,  for  she  gave  him  to  me,  and  he  is  my  life. 
Every  day  I  thank  her  in  my  heart. 

To-day's  letter,  though  it  is  short,  is  very 
precious. 

"My  dear  one,"  he  says, 

"By  this  time — 2  P.  M.  Thursday — I  think  you 
will  have  received  my  wire  about  the  C.O.'s  ap- 
proval of  the  book.  Will  you  be  glad? 

"I  didn't  wire  you  about  my  arrival  because 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     227 

I  hoped  to  let  you  know  even  the  same  day  that 
the  C.O.  had  given  his  approval,  but  I  got  here 
too  late  to  tackle  him. 

"I  told  you,  didn't  I,  that  Holt,  who  represents 
quite  an  intelligent  reading  public,  was  fearfully 
thrilled  with  the  MS. 

"He  read  every  word  of  it  and  loved  your  bits. 

"I  am  hoping  to  get  a  letter  from  you  to-mor- 
row, Friday,  telling  me  of  your  journey  and  of 
your  arrangement  to  go  home  with  Joan. 

"The  weather  is  wild  and  the  clouds  are  low 
again,  so  I  may  go  to  the  'pool'  this  afternoon. 

"The  record  of  'Cheep'  came  and  is  quite 
good. 

"Will  you  send  me  my  flying  log-book?  I  left 
it  by  mistake  in  my  hand-bag  and  I  don't  want 
to  lose  count  of  my  hours. 

"It  is  a  short  letter  to-day,  for  I  have  no  news. 
"All,  all  yours, 

"BILL. 

--"P.S. — In  reading  over  the  MS.  with  the  C.O. 
I  remembered  how  and  why  I  had  come  to  start 
one  letter  to  you  'For  whom  I  live.' 

"It  was  after  I  had  had  a  letter  from  you  in 
which  you  were  troubled  about  Greta  and  also 
at  a  time  when  I  had  been  having  quite  a  lot  of 
rather  desperate  scraps.  I  had  wondered  to  my- 
self why  I  had  the  luck  to  get  through  as  I  did, 


228     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

and  it  seemed  to  me  I  was  just  living  for  you  as 
I  wished. 
"Voila  tout!     I  love  you. 

"BILL." 

LI 

THIS  afternoon  we  went  into  the  enormous 
drawing-room  which  no  one  uses,  and  Joan 
played  a  nocturne  of  Chopin.  It  makes  your 
heart  weep. 

I  lounged  in  a  deep  chair  with  a  picture  be- 
fore me  of  the  evening,  just  about  a  fortnight 
ago,  when  she  played  to  us  at  home. 

Bill's  mother  and  dad  were  there — both  con- 
tent to  have  their  boy  again  even  for  those  few 
days,  and  glad  to  have  me  because  I  am  his. 

Near  mother  he  sat,  on  the  other  side  of  the 
fireplace,  twisting  his  pipe  from  one  corner  of 
his  mouth  to  another,  and  whenever  I  looked 
up  I  found  his  eyes  seeking  mine. 

Afterwards,  when  we  were  alone,  he  said: 

"Aimee  dear,  did  you  feel  me  loving  you?" 

"Yes,"  I  answered,  for  I  think  I  am  conscious 
of  his  slightest  thought. 

I  wonder  why  I  am  so  confident  that  he  will 
come  back  to  me?  Every  day  I  see  the  Roll 
of  Honor  and  am  forced  to  realize  that  there 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     229 

is  no  reason  why  I  should  be  spared  a  grief  that 
others  have  to  bear  just  now. 

And  Bill's  work  is  most  constantly  full  of  risk. 
Yet  I  am  so  perfectly  at  ease. 

I  think  it  is  that  I  have  faith  in  my  own  in- 
stinct and  even  more  faith  in  his  instinct;  and 
he  said : 

"I'm  certain — quite  certain!"  didn't  he? 

To-day's  letter  is  rather  disappointing,  for  he 
has  had  nothing  from  me  since  he  left,  and  I 
wrote  at  once  of  course.  But  he  knows  that. 
I  needn't  fear  that  he  would  doubt  that. 

"Dearest  one,"  he  says, 

"There  was  no  letter  from  you  to-day,  but 
there  is  sure  to  be  one  to-morrow. 

"This  morning  I  led  the  first  patrol.  It  felt 
quite  strange  for  the  first  twenty  minutes.  I 
couldn't  feel  the  machine  properly  and  couldn't 
tell  where  I  was.  However,  it  worked  out  all 
tight  and  I  kept  a  very  good  formation  behind 
me. 

"We  saw  no  Huns  but  got  quite  a  lot  of 
'Archie.'  At  the  end  I  landed  at  the  advanced 
aerodrome  with  another  fellow  and  stood  by 
until  9  A.M.,  when  we  returned  for  breakfast; 
since  I  have  slept  until  lunch. 

"Yesterday  five  of  us  took  a  tender  to . 


230     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

We  sat  in  a  big  French  cafe  for  an  hour  and 
drank  'aperatifs,'  and  had  a  very  good  meal 
afterwards,  with  the  wine  you  liked  at  the 
Savoy. 

"It  was  quite  a  decorous  party,  though  I  com- 
pletely lost  my  voice  through  singing  'rags'  in 
the  tender  on  the  home  journey. 

"There  is  another  M.C.  in  the  squadron  too — 
Kelly.  We  are  quite  pleased,  because  though 
his  judgment  is  not  always  good  he  is  absolutely 
without  fear  and  does  his  job  thoroughly. 

"When  I  get  your  first  letter  I  will  have  more 
to  write  about.  I  am  longing  to  hear  your  reply 
to  my  wire. 

"All  my  love. 

"BILL. 

"P.S. — Don't  worry  about  my  flying  log- 
book. I  find  I  brought  it  after  all." 

I  smile  at  that  last  sentence.  It  brings  an- 
other picture  to  my  mind — of  our  bedroom 
overlooking  the  sea,  close  to  the  golf  links 
where  we  spent  those  glorious  days  away  from 
the  rush  of  town  and  all  the  people  we  knew, 
and  seemed  to  bump  into  at  every  corner. 

It  was  midnight,  and  Bill  lay  in  a  cosy  chair 
with  his  feet  on  the  bed,  chewing  his  pipe  and 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     231 

leisurely  blue-penciling  the  type-written  copy 
of  our  book. 

I  stood  about  in  my  kimono, — having  emptied 
all  my  belongings  onto  the  floor, — wondering 
how  I  could  cram  all  his  golfing  clothes  into  my 
suit  cases. 

As  the  problem  seemed  beyond  me,  I  went  and 
sat  beside  his  feet  on  the  bed  and,  taking  his 
pipe  from  his  mouth,  lighted  a  French  cigarette 
from  the  glow  under  the  ash. 

Bill  lifted  his  eyes  from  the  book  and  smiled. 

"I'm  thirsty!"  I  said,  smiling  back. 

"What  would  you  like?"  he  asked — eager  al- 
ways to  please  me. 

"Tea,"  I  announced — looking  at  his  watch 
and  thinking  how  unreasonable  was  my  wish, 
for  it  was  not  the  sort  of  hotel  that  keeps  its  staff 
going  in  relays. 

Yet  for  all  that  Bill  went  down  and  came  back 
with  tea,  and  for  half-an-hour  we  drank  it  and 
discussed  the  four  corners  of  the  earth. 

But  while  he  was  away  I  spied  his  precious 
flying  log-book  sticking  out  from  the  muddle  on 
the  floor. 

Taking  it  up  I  kissed  it  and  slipped  it  into  the 
pocket  of  the  haversack  hanging  on  the  post  of 
the  bed. 


232     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"That,  at  least,  he  must  have  if  he  leaves  me 
and  everything  else  behind,"  I  said  to  myself. 

And  now  he  writes: 

"Don't  worry  about  my  flying  log-book.  .  .  . 
I  find  I  brought  it  with  me  after  all." 

That  is  why  I  smile. 


LII 

AT  last  we  begin  to  talk  properly.  It  seems 
rather  one-sided  until  each  answers  the  other. 

Sometimes  I  am  surprised  that  letters  reach 
their  destination  at  all  these  days,  but  at  other 
times  I'm  all  impatience  because  of  the  loss  of 
time  between  writing  and  being  read. 

"My  darling,"  I  read  to-day, 

"Ten  minutes  ago  I  was  waiting  on  the  aero- 
drome for  the  post  to  come  in.  It  brought  your 
first  two  letters. 

"Then  I  got  into  my  machine  and  flew  to  the 
advanced  landing  ground.  Now  I  am  sitting 
under  a  haystack  where  I  have  just  read  your 
letters.  They  make  me  very  happy — the  one 
written  in  the  train  especially. 

"Last  night  I  did  a  patrol  and  met  nine  Huns, 
but  had  no  luck. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     233 

"The  first  idea  was  to  send  out  the  whole 
squadron,  but  afterwards  it  was  proposed  that 
one  strong  patrol  should  go  out,  and  that  a  few 
others  should  go  out  on  their  own  and  keep  the 
patrol  in  sight. 

'Then,  if  a  large  formation  of  Huns  was  met 
they  would  be  kept  busy  by  our  formation,  while 
the  odd  roving  ones,  flying  high  above,  might 
pick  off  a  Hun  or  two. 

"Kyrle,  Kelly,  Hastings  and  I  volunteered  as 
the  odd  men  and  B  Flight  did  the  formation. 

"It  was  nearly  a  success,  but  just  failed. 
After  roaming  about  nearly  three-quarters  of  an 
hour  at  15,000  feet,  the  formation  turned  away 
up  north  just  as  nine  Huns  appeared  from  the 
east.  Kyrle  and  Hastings  went  with  the  forma- 
tion and  Kelly  and  I  were  the  only  two  who  saw 
the  Huns. 

"We  maneuvered  against  them  for  twenty-five 
minutes,  and  were  within  long  range  of  them 
most  of  the  time. 

"But  I  couldn't  get  near  enough  to  fire,  and 
was  afraid  to  waste  ammunition  so  far  over. 

"Several  times  five  of  the  Huns  came  directly 
underneath  me,  but  two  others  were  just  above 
and  I  daren't  go  down,  and  at  last,  after  we  had 
worked  a  good  way  north  we  had  to  come  away. 

"This  morning  I  came  to  the  advanced  land- 


234     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

ing  ground,  but  returned  as  it  was  perfectly 
dud.  It  cleared  up  a  bit  at  lunch,  so  I  have 
come  out  again,  but  there  is  nothing  doing  at 
all. 

"I  shall  go  back  for  tea  and  to  post  this  to  my 
wife. 

"And  I  send  her  all  my  love. 

"BILL." 

Oh,  how  I  wish  I  could  be  with  him!  It 
seems  such  a  waste  for  him  to  sit  under  a  hay- 
stack alone. 

LIII 

YESTERDAY  morning,  at  the  Hydro,  we  had 
breakfast  in  our  room.  No  letter  had  come 
from  Bill,  but  cheerfully  I  told  myself  it  would 
arrive  by  the  afternoon  post  and  would  be  more 
precious  for  the  delay. 

About  half-past  nine  Joan  dressed  herself  and 
was  mending  a  tear  in  her  "nighty"  when  the 
maid  knocked  at  the  door  and  said  one  of  us  was 
wanted  at  the  telephone. 

"Was  it  'Mrs.'  or  'Miss'  they  asked  for?"  Joan 
enquired. 

"Never  mind  which   it  was,"  ...  I   inter- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     235 

rupted.  .  .  .  "I    can't   go    down    like   this,    so 
you'll  have  to  go  anyway!" 

Then  I  added  so  that  she  would  hasten: 

''Perhaps  it's  Dick — on  leave!" 

That  sent  her  speeding  away,  and  when  she 
had  gone  I  leant  on  my  elbow  and  scribbled 
lazily  at  the  beginning  of  the  new  diary  for  the 
second  volume  of  our  book. 

Very  soon  she  returned. 

"They've  been  taken  off — whoever  it  was," 
.  .  .  she  grumbled.  .  .  .  "Isn't  it  silly?" 

"They'll  get  on  again,"  I  said,  not  caring 
much,  for  I  knew  that  if  it  were  Dick  he  would 
persist. 

Joan  fidgeted  about  for  a  moment  or  two,  then 
said: 

"I  think  I'll  go  down  to  the  lounge  and  write 
letters,  and  be  handy  if  the  'phone  rings." 

"All  right,"  I  answered,  adding:  "If  it's  not 
too  hot  we  might  go  for  that  walk  you  spoke  of. 
.  .  .  I'll  be  down  in  half-an-hour." 

"As  soon  as  the  door  closed  I  got  out  of  bed, 
and  after  looking  for  some  clean  clothes  began 
to  brush  my  hair. 

About  five  minutes  later  the  handle  turned. 

"Who's  that?  ...  Is  it  Joan?"  I  asked. 

The  answer  was  indistinct. 


236     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"Wait  a  moment,"  I  called,  and,  slipping  on 
my  kimono,  unlocked  the  door. 

She  stood  there.  Her  face  was  quite  grey. 
I  moved  aside  to  allow  her  to  come  in,  but  I 
couldn't  take  my  eyes  from  her  eyes. 

"What  is  it?  ...  Oh,  Joan,  what  is  it?"  I 
managed  to  say  at  length. 

Then,  as  she  seemed  unable  to  speak,  I  caught 
hold  of  her  hands. 

"Joan — tell  me  what  it  is!"  I  cried. 

"I  can't.  ...  I  can't,"  she  began,  and  her 
voice  was  all  broken  up. 

"It's  not  Bill?"  I  whispered — but  of  course  I 
knew. 

We  packed  our  clothes.  We  would  have 
liked  to  leave  the  silly  things  and  run  away  at 
once,  but  of  course  we  just  had  to  go  on  being 
perfectly  sane. 

Joan  was  wonderful.  She  went  and  settled 
the  account  and  gave  our  address  for  letters  and 
asked  the  porter  to  send  for  the  luggage. 

Our  one  idea  was  to  get  to  mother  as  soon  as 
possible.  We  kept  on  hoping  that  dad  had  been 
with  her  when  the  wire  came  from  the  War 
Office;  and  sometimes  I  said  that  I  knew  Bill 
was  all  right — that  he  couldn't  be  otherwise  be- 
cause he  had  promised  to  come  back. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     237 

After  the  first  change  of  trains  we  traveled 
with  a  coarse  fat  woman  in  sweltering  black 
clothes.  With  her  were  two  small  fat  boys,  also 
warmly  wrapped  in  woolen  garments. 

As  soon  as  we  started  one  of  them  asked  for 
a  drink  of  water. 

"I  'aven't  no  water,  love,"  the  woman  said. 
"You've  'ad  it  all,  you  know  quite  well!" 

"I  want  a  drink  of  water,"  he  moaned,  and 
kept  on  moaning  in  spite  of  her  repeated  assur- 
ances. 

Very  soon  both  were  scarlet  in  the  face,  and 
the  sweat  was  pouring  from  them. 

The  woman  sat  on  the  edge  of  her  seat,  as  fat 
people  often  do;  and  in  turn  mopped  her  own 
and  the  child's  forehead  with  a  dirty  handker- 
chief. 

All  at  once  Joan  opened  her  bag  and  brought 
out  some  biscuits. 

"Here  you  are,"  she  said,  persuasively. 
-"That'll  do  instead  of  a  drink,  won't  it?" 

For  a  moment  there  was  silence,  while  the 
other  child,  who  had  been  sitting  quietly  watch- 
ing nothing,  grabbed  his  share  and  both  stuffed 
their  mouths  as  full  as  possible. 

Then  the  thirsty  one  began  again,  for  after 
his  dry  biscuits  naturally  he  wanted  his  drink 
more  urgently. 


238     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"You'll  be  'ome  soon.  .  .  .  'Tain't  many  min- 
utes now,  love,"  the  woman  re-commenced,  try- 
ing her  utmost  to  console  him — and  then  she 
turned  to  us  to  explain  that  they  had  come  from 
Blackpool  and  had  been  on  the  way  since  early 
morning. 

Soon  after  this  a  fight  broke  out.  The  one 
who  wanted  the  water  did  it  all,  while  the  other 
one  made  placid  efforts  to  shield  himself. 

After  a  few  unheeded  remarks  the  woman 
picked  the  troublesome  one  up  by  his  middle 
and  plumped  him  on  to  the  seat. 

Defiantly  he  stared  at  her  and  slid  off.  Again 
she  picked  him  up,  and  off  he  slid  once  more- 
staring  stolidly  at  her  all  the  time. 

I  don't  know  what  made  us  laugh — his  expres- 
sion or  his  persistence;  but  all  at  once  we  started 
to  giggle,  and  soon  the  tears  were  pouring  down 
my  face. 

I  wanted  to  shriek  with  laughter  and  I  wanted 
to  howl  with  crying — but  I  managed  to  tell  my- 
self that  if  I  started  to  lose  control  I  might  not 
be  able  to  regain  it. 

Joan  must  have  felt  the  same,  for  she  stopped 
also. 

By  this  time  the  child  was  howling  lustily,  for 
he  had  to  be  smacked  very  hard. 

"I  can't  let  'im  'it  the  other  one,"  the  woman 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     239 

explained — panting  now  and  purple.  .  .  .  'Ee 
would  kill  'im.  .  .  .  'Ee  would  pull  'is  eyes  out, 
'ee  would." 

The  last  word  was  said  as  we  stood  by  the  van 
on  the  station  here  waiting  for  our  luggage. 

"Hi!"  we  heard,  and  the  call  came  so  ex- 
plosively that  we  turned  without  thought.  The 
fat  woman  hung  out  of  the  compartment — her 
hat  was  awry  and  her  face  seemed  as  though  it 
would  burst  through  its  skin — but  she  was  look- 
ing beyond  us  to  the  porter. 

"Hi!"  she  repeated.  "'Go's  tin  box  d'you 
think  that  there  is  ...  that  one  on  the  plat- 
form? .  .  .  You  put  it  back  where  you  took  it 
from,  you  fat-head,  or  you'll  'ear  about  it,  you 
will!" 

The  porter  smiled,  and  calmly  proceeded  with 
his  work. 

"All  right,  mother,"  he  said,  "keep  your  'air 
on.  ...  Don't  get  'ot  or  you  might  be  sorry  for 
it  hafterwards!" 

The  woman's  voice  rose  to  a  shriek. 

"I'll  keep  my  'air  on,  you'll  see,  an'  all!  ... 
In  with  that  there  tin  box  or  they'll  be  trouble 
about.  .  .  .  Fat  lot  it  'ud  matter  to  you  if  I  gets 
'ome  without  me  belongings.  .  .  .  'Urry  with 
you,  or  by " 


240     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"  'Ush,  mother,  'ush.  .  .  .  See  there  it  goes. 
.  .  .  Now  be  calm!"  Saying  this  goodna- 
turedly,  he  heaved  the  tin  box  into  the  van 
again,  adding: 

"I  wouldn't  be  your  'usband — not  for  some- 
think!" 

Before  the  answer  could  be  heard  the  whistle 
sounded  and  the  train  began  to  move.  The 
woman  had  her  last  word,  however. 

We  saw  her  at  it,  though  we  couldn't  hear. 

Mother  was  there  when  we  opened  the  door. 

Her  face  was  smiling. 

I  couldn't  bear  that.     She  held  me  to  her. 

"I'm  so  glad  you've  come  at  last,"  she  said. 

"We're  all  hoping  for  the  best.  .  .  .  We're 
just  hoping  all  the  time." 

Then  she  turned  to  Joan,  and  I  went  into  the 
kitchen  because  it  was  the  nearest  place.  Dad 
came  and  kissed  me  and  went  out  again. 

Bill,  dear,  I  knew  you'd  be  sorry  if  I  cried.  I 
knew  you'd  think  it  utterly  foolish. 

Besides,  you  are  coming  back.  You  prom- 
ised to  come  back.  You  must  come  back. 

We  had  tea. 

Mother  told  us  how  she  was  alone  when  the 
telegram  came  and  how  she  couldn't  read  it. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     241 

"I  just  kept  the  girl  waiting  there,"  she  said. 
"I  couldn't  get  it  read." 

The  people  next  door  sent  for  dad,  and  he 
hurried  home  at  once  on  his  bicycle — the  bi- 
cycle you  used  when  we  were  on  Salisbury 
Plain,  you  know!  It  took  you  to  the  aerodrome 
in  the  morning  and  brought  you  home  at  lunch 
time;  and  then  took  you  away  again  and 
brought  you  back  in  the  evening — except  when 
you  crashed  in  that  field  and  had  to  stay  at  the 
farm  all  night.  But  always  it  brought  you  back. 
I  want  to  go  on  my  knees  beside  it  and  kiss  the 
pedals  and  the  seat  and  the  handlebars  where 
you  held  them! 

After  a  while  dad  had  telephoned  to  us.  Joan 
had  said  to  him: 

"I  don't  know  how  I  shall  tell  Aimee.  .  .  . 
I  can't  tell  Aimee!" 

Wasn't  it  like  her  to  think  of  some  one  else  and 
.not  of  herself? 

We  read  the  telegram,  and  it  seemed  to  give 
us  hope. 

After  all,  many  airmen  have  gone  missing  and 
afterwards  have  been  reported  prisoners  of  war. 

Isn't  it  strange  how  much  a  matter  of  com- 
parison everything  is? 

Yesterday,  before  ten  o'clock,  to  know  that 


242     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

you  were  a  captive  in  a  strange  country  where 
we  couldn't  reach  you;  enduring  hardships  of 
which  we  could  know  nothing;  to  contemplate 
the  days  without  your  letters,  would  have 
seemed  unendurable;  and  to-day  the  news 
would  bring  relief  beyond  all  words. 

About  eleven  o'clock  we  said  good-night  and 
went  to  bed.  The  others  looked  so  weary. 
Their  faces  seemed  to  have  become  old  and 
colorless — almost  without  life. 

I  felt  very  wide-awake. 

I  slipped  downstairs  and  found  the  St.  Moritz 
albums  and  brought  them  up  to  look  at  all  the 
snap-shots  of  you  and  at  your  Cresta  Run  col- 
ors. 

Joan  was  in  bed  with  me — in  the  bed  where 
we  slept  together  just  two  weeks  ago ;  and  when 
we  lay  down  she  put  her  arm  round  me.  Some- 
how she  seemed  so  small  and  helpless  that  it 
made  me  cry.  The  tears  trickled  on  to  the  pil- 
low until  it  was  wet. 

I  kept  on  remembering  little  things  you  had 
said  and  all  your  ways. 

I  love  everything  about  you.  You  know  how 
utterly  I  love  you,  dear! 

Soon  I  felt  I  couldn't  breathe  and  had  to  sit 
up. 

And  though  you  told  me  not  to  grieve  if  any- 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     243 

thing  happened  to  you,  I  just  couldn't  stop  cry- 
ing. 

Joan  was  crying  too,  then — quietly  and  help- 
lessly like  me. 

She  sat  up  and  put  her  face  against  mine. 

"Never  mind,"  she  whispered.  "He's  com- 
ing back.  .  .  .  There's  no  need  to  worry.  .  .  . 
He's  coming  back!" 

"I  know,"  I  sobbed,  "I  know  he's  coming 
back.  .  .  .  He  was  certain  of  coming  back — but 
I  want  him  now — at  this  moment!  .  .  .  It's  so 
lonely  not  to  know  where  he  is !" 

After  that  we  put  on  the  light  again  and 
looked  all  through  the  albums  once  more  and 
talked  about  the  things  you  have  done  and  how 
joyous  you  are  and  how  lucky  always. 

But  of  course  you  would  be  lucky  in  any 

event.  It's  us  who .  But  we  don't  think 

of  that.  .  .  .  We  know  we  shall  see  you  again. 


LIV 

DAD  has  written  a  lot  of  letters — among  them 
one  to  Cox's  to  ask  them  to  let  us  know  if  they 
should  have  a  cheque,  made  out  by  you,  from 
Germany. 

And  I  have  written  a  note  to  the  "Odd  Man" 


244     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

telling  him  how  anxiously  we  hope  to  hear  that 
you  are  a  prisoner  and  even  wounded.  Dar- 
ling, is  it  too  selfish  of  me  to  want  you  in  little 
pieces  rather  than  not  at  all? 

I  want  you  with  any  sort  of  wound  except  one 
that  will  take  your  reason  from  you. 

I  will  be  your  limbs — your  eyes.  I  will  be 
everything  to  you. 

You  said,  didn't  you,  that  you  would  find  com- 
pensation always,  and  I  know  I  could  make  you 
happy.  We  could  live  in  Paris  just  the  same, 
and  we  have  our  work  together.  Our  love 
would  be  just  wonderful.  It  is  wonderful. 
You  are  my  life.  You  are  living  for  me,  I 
know. 

Darling,  although  I  can't  send  the  letters,  I 
feel  I  must  write  to  you  every  day. 

I  want  to  tell  you  that  I  can't  imagine  life 
without  you.  I  can't  believe  you  aren't  alive. 
You  seemed  always  to  be  just  about  twice  as 
much  alive  as  any  of  us. 

To-day  lots  of  letters  have  come — several  of 
them  from  the  squadron. 

The  C.O.  and  the  "Odd  Man"  write  so 
finally — as  though  they  are  certain  you  were 
killed.  They  say  lovely  things  about  you  and 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     245 

your  work,  and  speak  as  though  only  a  knock- 
out blow  could  have  sent  you  spinning  down. 

But  Holt  gives  details. 

He  explains  how  you  went  out  early  on  Sun- 
day morning  with  several  others,  and  how, 
when  you  were  going  up  to  meet  some  Hun 
scouts,  which  appeared  unexpectedly  after  you 
had  dived  on  to  some  others,  the  anti-aircraft 
shells  burst  in  thick  clouds,  breaking  up  the  for- 
mation. Suddenly  you  were  seen  to  spin.  For 
three  thousand  feet  you  were  seen  to  spin — and 
then  the  others  had  to  look  out  for  themselves. 

About  an  hour  later  Holt,  at  the  advanced 
aerodrome,  had  a  message  from  our  anti-air- 
craft people  that  one  of  our  machines  had  gone 
down  out  of  control  behind  the  German  lines. 
They  reported  a  wing  missing,  but  those  who 
were  with  you  vow  the  machine  was  intact  and 
think  you  must  have  had  a  direct  hit. 

He  finishes,  however,  by  saying  that  there  is 
BO  reason  to  believe  that  if  you  were  stunned 
you  couldn't  have  regained  consciousness  in  time 
to  flatten  out  before  hitting  the  ground. 

All  speak  of  your  wonderful  control  over  your 
machine  and  of  the  loss  you  are  to  the  squadron. 

That,  knowing  you,  I  can  understand — but 
why  do  they  have  so  little  faith?  Why  is  it  left 


246     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

for  us,  here,  to  believe  in  you?  I  think  death 
matters  so  little  to  them  that,  having  gone  from 
among  them,  you  might  as  well  be  dead. 

To  me,  too,  death  matters  little — except  if  you 
are  dead ;  and  if  you  are  I  will  come  also. 

As  soon  as  possible  I  will  learn  to  fly,  and  one 
morning  early  I  will  go  up  into  the  blue  heaven 
and  then  let  go!  I  will  spin  down  and  down, 
and  down—  — ! 

Oh,  if  I  could  go  up  at  once.  If  I  could 
move — quickly — quickly!  ...  If  I  could  go 
battling  against  the  wind  and  gun  fire  and 
enemy  machines.  ...  If  I  could  move — move 
all  the  while,  I  could  grip  this  pain  and  laugh 
at  it — and  come  to  you  very  soon. 

But  here — Bill  here  in  this  house!  Never 
to  be  alone — never  to  walk  alone!  To  know, 
above  all,  your  faith  in  me — that  I  should  com- 
fort mother  and  face  her  and  all  the  world  with 
perfect  calm!  It  is  too  much.  You  couldn't 
realize  how  much  you  expected  of  me — you  who 
had  to  go  ahead  always  with  your  brain  and 
your  body! 

Don't  you  know  what  you  asked  when  you  left 
me  this  to  do?  I  think  I  can't  go  on. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     247 


LV 

DARLING  —  This  morning  I  think  you  have 
broken  some  ribs. 

Do  you  mind? 

I  think  it  because  I  dreamt  about  an  umbrella 
with  broken  ribs. 

It  must  be  a  code  dream. 

"Umbrella"  is  Morse  or  something  for  you. 

I  know  you  won't  mind  being  an  umbrella  or 
any  old  thing  just  to  please  me. 

Anyway  you  can  have  my  ribs. 

I  have  some  extra  ones,  haven't  I? 

Or  was  it  that  you  gave  me  some  in  the  be- 
ginning? 

Have  them  back,  darling.  .  .  .  Have  them 
back  at  once  !  Really  it  seems  immaterial  which 
of  us  has  them,  because,  as  you  know,  we  are 


Yesterday  I  pictured  myself  wheeling  you  in 
a  bath-chair  along  a  country  lane,  and  then  sit- 
ting down  on  the  step  by  the  wayside  while  we 
write  a  book. 

How  d'you  like  that?  You  can't  possibly 
complain. 

It  would  mean,  of  course,  that  you  had  come 


248     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

back  with  only  one  leg.    Well,  we  can  learn  to 
walk  beautifully  with  three,  can't  we? 

You  used  only  to  have  two  legs  before  you 
married  me,  so  you've  gained  one  really.  And 
even  if  you  had  none  at  all  you  would  still  have 
two! 

•  *••••• 

Do  you  know  what  I  have  been  thinking  ever 
since  we  heard  the  news,  and  what  I  believe  in 
most  firmly  except  in  those  despondent  moods 
which  we  all  have  because  the  tension  is  so 
great? 

I  believe  that  if  you  had  been  killed  mother 
or  I  would  have  had  some  message  from  you— 
some  sort  of  spiritual  communion. 

What  it  would  be  or  how  it  would  happen  I 
don't  know,  but  anyway  it  would  be  tangible  to 
us  whose  thoughts  never  left  you — never  leave 
you — except  in  sleep. 

This  has  nothing  to  do  with  any  religious  con- 
viction, for,  as  you  know,  I  have  none  except 
an  idea  that  this  can't  be  all  we  were  created 
for. 

I  am  convinced  that  you,  who  would  be  so 
eager  to  comfort  us  and  to  relieve  our  pain, 
would  come  to  us  in  some  way;  and  I  feel  that 
in  some  form  you  would  stay  with  me  and  be 
my  companion  all  the  time. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     249 

Darling,  everything  about  you  is  my  com- 
panion. I  have  no  slightest  wish  apart  from 
you.  When  you  found  me  all  the  vague  and 
ceaseless  longing  for  "something,  we  know  not 
what"  left  me — for  you  had  come. 

Dear,  were  two  minds  ever  more  in  tune,  01 
two  spirits  ever  happier  in  the  release — each  to 
each?  To  be  with  you  made  the  perfect  night, 
the  perfect  morning — because  all  of  you  sought 
me,  and  all  of  me  was  yours. 

How  then  could  you  leave  me  without  a  sign? 
You  couldn't  leave  me  so  much  alone. 


LVI 

DARLING — Desiree  has  just  gone.     Yesterday 

she  came  to  tell  me  she  knows  you  are  alive. 

She  repeated  what  she  had  exclaimed  after  our 

marriage  when  she  was  feeling  rather  sore  about 

jt. 

Do  you  remember — I  told  you? 

She  said: 

"Before  I  saw  him  I  hoped  he  would  fall  out 
of  his  aeroplane  and  break  his  neck.  .  .  .  And 
now  I've  seen  him  I  know  that  if  he  did  fall  out 
his  neck  wouldn't  break!" 

That,  you  know,  was  to  announce  her  vexa- 


250     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

tion,  because,  after  having  heard  all  her  con- 
fidences and  given  her  all  mine  since  we  wore 
frocks  above  our  knees,  I  had  dared  to  marry 
without  telling  her  beforehand. 

I  understood,  for  I  should  have  felt  the  same. 

She  repeated,  too,  what  she  had  said  when 
we  all  met  in  the  Savoy  lounge  about  three 
weeks  ago — that  she  was  convinced  you  would 
come  through. 

Her  unreasonable  confidence  is  life  to  me  just 
now. 

As  she  had  traveled  so  far  mother  asked  her 
to  stay  a  night.  She  slept  with  me,  and  we 
talked  for  hours.  She  tried  to  persuade  me  to 
go  back  with  her,  but  I  told  her  I  couldn't  rest 
away  from  your  people  and  that  I  couldn't 
leave  them  to  wait  for  news  of  you. 

Joan  has  decided  to  continue  with  her  work. 
So  you  see  mother  and  I  are  alone  most  of  the 
day. 

This  morning,  very  early,  I  lay  thinking,  and 
it  dawned  upon  me  that  on  this  earth  one  must 
have  some  refuge  which  is  not  material.  Life 
is  too  much  master  of  the  situation  otherwise. 

Here  are  we — or  here  am  I  anyway — unable 
to  get  away  from  the  crude  fact  that  I  must  have 
you  back  at  any  cost. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     251 

It  is  impossible — not  that  I  should  have  you, 
oh  no,  not  that — but  the  blank  refusal  to  accept 
any  alternative. 

If  I  could  believe  in  the  survival  of  individu- 
ality after  death;  if  I  could  be  convinced  that 
the  spirit  lives  and  is  conscious  of  those  who 
still  must  stay  here;  then  I  would  be  content  to 
wait  without  your  bodily  companionship.  I 
would  know  that  by  being  true  to  you  in  word 
and  thought  and  deed,  I  could  keep  you  with 
me  until  my  own  spirit  should  leave  this  cage. 

I  could  find  strength  to  be  kind  to  the  others; 
to  do  my  utmost  to  help  mother  and  Joan  and 
those  who  have  depended  on  you  for  pleasure 
and  interest.  If  I  could  believe  this  I  could 
become — not  outwardly  resigned  because  I 
must  show  no  surrender — but  radiant,  so  that 
in  seeing  me  all  people  could  renew  their  hope. 
I  could  live  most  truly,  as  we  are  told  to  live, 
helping  all  with  my  double  strength — yours, 
•dear,  and  my  own. 

As  it  is,  under  this  solid  exterior,  I  am  rebel- 
ious,  full  of  self-pity  and  irritability.  I  am  use- 
less to  the  others.  I  am  useless  to  myself. 

The  "Odd  Man,"  in  his  letters,  says:  "God 
give  you  strength." 

Bill  dear — who  is  God? 

He  doesn't  tell  me  that. 


252     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 


LVII 

DARLING — I  want  to  live  out  of  doors  just 
now — all  day  and  all  night.  I  want  to  go  to 
sleep  under  the  sky  and  to  wake  under  it.  I 
want  to  see  no  houses  and  to  have  no  walls  about 
me.  And  I  want  the  wind  to  blow  and  blow. 

All  the  while  I  want  to  have  a  vision  of  you 
that  is  eluding  me  just  now.  All  day  I  am  with 
you.  My  last  thought  at  night  is  yours.  In  the 
morning  I  wake  and  turn  to  you. 

But  I  think  under  the  open  sky  my  spirit 
would  find  your  spirit  in  the  darkness — and  that 
is  what  I  want. 

Perhaps  you,  also,  are  between  four  walls. 
Are  you?  Oh,  send  and  tell  us  that  you  are! 
Send  and  tell  us  you  are  in  a  bed — a  little  hurt 
but  not  too  much  for  your  comfort,  dear.  And 
if  you  are  in  pain  may  I  not  come  to  you? 

Last  night  I  was  impossible — utterly  selfish 
and  impossible. 

Joan  had  been  playing  softly  on  the  piano, 
and  you  know  her  haunting  touch.  It  was  eve- 
ning, and  the  sadness  of  the  gloaming  took  hold 
of  me. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     253 

Suddenly  I  cried,  imperatively:  "I  want  to 
go  out." 

Joan  stopped  playing. 

"All  right,"  she  said;  "I'll  come  with  you  in 
a  minute." 

"But  I  don't  want  you  to  come  with  me.  .  .  . 
I  want  to  go  alone,"  I  answered. 

"Oh,  no!  ...  You  can't  go  alone,"  she  ex- 
claimed. 

"Why  can't  I  go  alone?"  I  persisted.  "I  love 
being  alone.  ...  I  hate  always  to  be  with  other 
people!" 

Poor  Joan.  You  know  how  sensitive  she  is? 
I  knew  why  she  didn't  want  me  to  go  alone,  and 
it  enraged  me  to  think  she  should  be  afraid  to 
leave  me.  Yet  I  realized  my  brutality  and  tried 
to  soften  it  by  adding, 

"Take  no  notice  of  me  to-night.  .  .  .  I'm  bad- 
tempered!" 

"You  couldn't  be  bad-tempered,  Aimee,"  she 
said  most  gently.  "You're  just  tired,  that's 
all." 

Bill,  I  could  have  screamed.  I  was  afraid  of 
myself. 

Just  then  mother  came  in. 

"Aimee  wants  to  go  for  a  walk  alone,"  Joan 
said  to  her  helplessly. 


254     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"No,  I  don't,"  I  muttered.  ...  "I  did  want 
to,  but  I  don't  now." 

"Oh,  no,  you  mustn't  go  alone,"  mother  be- 
gan. 

"I  tell  you  I  don't  want  to  go  alone,"  I  in- 
terrupted; then,  from  sheer  inability  to  leave  it 
there  I  began  to  argue. 

"How  can  I  work,"  I  said,  "if  I  never  can 
be  alone  to  think?  .  .  .  You  can't  think  when 
others  are  with  you  all  the  time." 

"Oh,  but  you  don't  want  to  work  just  now— 
not  with  your  brain.  .  .  .  We  can't  work  with 
our  brains   just   now,"   mother  broke   in.  .  .  . 
"We  can  only  just  keep  on — just  keep  on  hoping 
from  day  to  day." 

Bill,  dear,  I  could  have  taken  up  all  the  things 
in  the  room  and  smashed  them  into  tiny  pieces 
— and  the  windows  and  the  walls  and  the  whole 
silly  house! 

"Joan  will  go  with  you.  .  .  .  She  won't 
speak  a  word.  .  .  .  You'll  be  just  the  same  as 
if  you  were  alone!"  mother  continued — and 
then,  mercifully,  I  saw  her  face. 

I  don't  think  that  ever  in  my  life  I  have  seen 
any  one  look  so  weary.  I  could  have  howled 
with  crying  over  her.  I  didn't  know  what  to 
do  or  say.  I  was  ashamed. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     255 

I  think  we  all  sat  under  our  juniper  trees  last 
night,  dear  one. 


LVIII 

TO-DAY  I  said  to  mother: 

"You  know,  dear,  how  convinced  I  am  that 
Bill  will  come  back  to  us  because  he  said  he 
would.  .  .  .  But  I  have  been  wondering  what 
your  religion  would  mean  to  you  if  you  had  to 
let  some  one  go  whom  you  love." 

It  was,  perhaps,  rather  a  cruel  thing  to  ask, 
but  I  felt  that  if  her  belief  meant  anything  she 
might  be  pleased  to  tell  me  and  to  let  me  share 
in  her  comfort. 

She  seemed  willing  to  talk  quite  calmly. 

She  said  she  knows  that  those  who  are  taken 
are  alive  in  spirit  always  and  conscious  of  us  who 
are  left. 

"Then  why  do  you  grieve  at  the  possibility 
of  losing  any  one?"  I  asked — adding:  "If  I  had 
that  belief  I  should  be  content.  .  .  .  Nothing 
could  hurt  me  if  I  believed." 

For  a  little  while  she  was  silent.  Then  she 
said: 

"I  grieve — I  would  grieve — just  beca'use  I'm 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

human,  and  I  want  to  feel  that  those  I  love  are 
on  the  earth.  ...  I  want  to  be  able  to  put  my 
arms  round  my  children.  .  .  .  I'm  a  mother  and 
I  can't  help  being  human,  that's  all." 

Then  I  told  her  of  the  letter  I  had  had  from 
the  "Odd  Man's"  wife. 

"Whatever  happens,"  she  wrote,  "it  is  no  loss. 
.  .  .  We  have  them  always." 

"What  does  she  mean  by  'no  loss'?"  I  asked, 
worrying  the  problem  to  shreds  because  it  all 
means  words  and  nothing  more  to  me;  and  I 
think  that  those  who  have  come  to  some  con- 
clusion should  be  able  to  make  it  plain. 

"I'm  sure  I  don't  know,"  mother  said.  "It 
is  a  loss,  as  we  all  know,  if  our  dears  don't  come 
back.  ...  I  tell  you  it's  because  we're  human 
it's  a  loss." 

"Oh,"  I  cried,  for  I  wanted  to  solve  the  rid- 
dle and  it  wouldn't  come  right.  "I  don't  be- 
lieve in  anything — and  nothing  you  or  any  one 
says  makes  me  believe." 

"Don't  say  that.  .  .  .  You  don't  mean  it. 
.  .  .  You  can't  mean  that,"  mother  whispered 
in  a  voice  of  pain. 

"But  I  do  mean  it.  ...  Can't  you  see  that 
I'd  give  anything  if  I  could  believe — but  I 
don't,"  I  reiterated,  stung  and  goaded  by  this 
stone  wall  of  words,  written  and  said! 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     257 

Mother  didn't  speak  for  some  time,  and  when 
she  did  it  was  to  say: 

"We  must  pray.  .  .  .  We  must  pray  hard  and 
we  will  get  what  we  pray  for.  ...  I  believe 
that  if  I  pray  my  boy  will  come  back  to  me." 

"Mother,"  I  asked,  quite  desperately,  "have 
all  those  who  prayed  and  who  believe  had  their 
dear  ones  back  from  this  dreadful  war?  .  .  . 
Think  of  your  own  friends  alone!  .  .  .  Have 
they  not  prayed?" 

Again  she  was  silent  and  then  bravely  she 
spoke. 

"It's  true,"  she  said.  "But  whatever  you  say 
you  can't  take  away  my  belief." 

Ashamed  of  myself  once  more,  I  went  and 
put  my  arms  round  her,  kissing  her. 

"Darling,"  I  whispered,  "I  don't  want  to  take 
away  your  belief,  but  I  just  ache  for  you  to  give 
me  some  of  it." 

"It  waits  for  all  of  us  to  see  how  we  can  stand 
the  test,"  she  answered  tenderly.  "But  just 
pray,  dear,  and  it  will  be  easier.  .  .  .  Just  pray 
Thy  will  be  done.'  .  .  .  That's  what  I'm  saying 
all  the  time." 


258     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

LIX 

WE  wait  for  the  post  on  tenterhooks.  It's  no 
use  objecting,  Bill.  We  do.  And  telegrams 
are  nightmares.  When  dad  is  away  at  work  I 
open  them  because  mother  can't.  That  one 
from  the  War  Office  was  too  much  of  a  shock. 

Yesterday  afternoon  another  came. 

Mother  had  opened  the  door  and  she  called 
to  me.  I  rushed  downstairs  and  took  the  en- 
velope from  her  hand,  tearing  it  apart.  They 
must  be  read  speedily,  you  know.  We  should 
find  them  unbearable  otherwise. 

This  one  said: 

"Home  on  leave.     Arrive  to-night. — DlCK." 

Will  you  forgive  me,  dear?  The  tears 
blinded  my  eyes.  You  were  so  anxious  for  Dick 
and  me  to  meet,  an'd  now  it  happens  like  this! 

To  mother,  who  had  not  seen  her  boy  for  two 
long  years,  it  seemed  like  a  miracle — a  direct 
answer  to  one  of  her  prayers. 

He  has  come.  I  can't  take  my  eyes  from  his 
face. 

It  isn't  like  yours  in  feature,  really,  but  there 
is  a  look — a  mannerism.  And  the  voice  is 
yours! 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     259 

When  he  smokes  his  pipe — twisting  it  from 
one  corner  of  his  mouth  to  another  and  biting 
the  stem,  it  is  you! 

He  means  just  everything  to  us  all  just  now. 
He  is  so  perfectly  optimistic.  He  says  he 
simply  can't  be  downhearted  because  he  knows 
you'll  come  through  all  right.  He  whistles  and 
sings  rag-time,  and  brings  a  gust  of  life  to  this 
house. 

After  his  bath,  when  mother  and  dad  were 
tucked  away  in  bed,  he  came  into  Joan's  room 
and  brought  some  French  cigarettes. 

Then  we  showed  him  the  C.O.'s  letter,  which 
we  hadn't  dared  to  show  to  mother  and  dad  be- 
cause it  seemed  so  final,  and  after  all  he  knows 
no  more  than  that  you  were  seen  to  go  down  out 
of  control.  Dick  read  it  slowly.  At  least  it 
took  him  some  time,  because  the  smoke  got  into 
his  eyes. 

Then  he  said: 

"What  a  doleful  blighter!" 

"Yes,  isn't  he?"  I  agreed. 

....••• 

Darling,  Joan  is  playing  rag-time  for  Dick's 
benefit. 

I  can't  bear  it.  I  think  of  the  way  you 
caught  me  to  you  when  the  music  started  and 


26o     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

how,  with  our  bodies  close  together,  we  danced 
and  danced. 

Bill,  I  can't  picture  the  earth  without  you. 

To  have  had  you  and  to  lose  you, — it  simply 
must  not  be! 

I  am  utterly  selfish.     I  want  to  come  to  you 
at  once  if  you  have  gone. 

What  is  this  place  without  you?     You  didn't 
mean  just  this  or  that  part  of  life. 

My  lover,  my  friend — everything!     Always 
you  said: 

.  "Are  you  happy,  dear?"  or  "Are  you  tired?" 
or  "Do  you  wish  for  anything?" — and  sweetest 
of  all — "Do  you  love  me,  my  wife?" 

Yes,  I  love  you,  and  I'm  tired  and  I  want  to 
come  to  you,  wherever  you  may  be ! 


LX 

DARLING — For  three  days  I  haven't  written  to 
you — and  during  those  days  I  have  faced  the 
possibility  that  you  may  not  come  back. 

It  seemed  to  me  that  to  have  the  full  lesson  of 
the  trial  we  are  enduring  we  must  not  shrink 
from  any  view  of  it.  My  thoughts  have  been 
muddled  up  with  my  emotion  and  it  is  difficult 
to  separate  the  two. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     261 

Emotionally  I  feel  I  can't  do  without  you.  I 
must  know  your  amazing  need  of  me.  My  per- 
fect artist — what  should  I  do  with  my  need 
which  is  your  need? 

Yet  all  else  would  I  sacrifice  for  the  delight 
of  your  clear  brain — for  the  chaste,  the  unutter- 
able satisfaction  of  your  mental  companionship. 

There  again  we  seemed  to  give  and  take  with 
absolute  equality. 

To-night  I  make  no  feverish  abandoned  com- 
plaint. It's  the  waste  that  appalls  me.  I  can't 
get  beyond  that.  Indeed  I  can't  get  beyond 
that. 

To-day  Dick  took  me,  in  a  slow  train,  by  the 
station  you  used  when  you  went  to  the  grammar 
school. 

He  showed  me  the  old  stone  house  where  you 
lived  then,  and  the  path  across  the  fields,  where 
you  ran  every  morning  while  the  train  grunted 
impatiently. 

He  showed  me,  too,  the  old  seat  where  you 
spent  hours  with  a  notebook  taking  the  numbers 
of  the  engines  as  they  passed. 

We  hung  out  of  the  window  together,  and  as 
the  train  moved  Dick  said: 

"D'you  notice  those  steps?  .  .  .  Well,  I  can 


262     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

see  him  tearing  up  them  always  at  the  last  mo- 
ment— but  never  too  late!" 

I  was  wondering  how  they  could  allow  any 
one  else  to  use  the  steps  after  you,  when  he 
added  quietly: 

"He  was  my  ideal  then — and  has  been  ever 
since.  .  .  .  All  through  these  three  years  of 
war,  if  ever  I've  been  in  a  tight  corner  I've 
said  to  myself:  'Bill's  been  in  tighter  ones  and 
come  through,'  And  that  has  brought  me  out 
all  right;  every  time." 

You  see,  dear,  we  all  need  you.  You  simply 
can't  be  spared. 

When  we  reached  the  town  we  went  to  book 
seats  for  a  "revue."  The  others  were  to  join 
us  later  and  in  the  meantime  we  went  to  a  little 
cafe — all  corners  and  alcoves. 

We  tucked  ourselves  away,  and  ever  coffee 
and  French  cigarettes  Dick  talked  of  his  time 
in  Paris  with  you  and  of  your  days  down  the 
Seine  on  the  skiff.  And  I  told  him  of  our  mar- 
riage— for  I  know  you  wanted  him  to  hear.  He 
loved  it  all,  and  laughed  so  much  at  the  bits 
which  seemed  most  characteristic  of  you. 

About  six  o'clock  we  met  the  family  and  ar- 
rived at  the  "revue"  just  after  the  curtain  had 
risen. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     263 

The  lights  in  the  auditorium  were  low,  and 
from  then  onwards,  in  that  crowded  smoky 
place,  I  saw  you  vividly.  Never  since  the  news 
came  have  I  seen  you  so  vividly.  I  heard  what 
you  would  say  as  each  one  appeared  on  the 
stage,  and  I  heard  your  laugh. 

Your  stick,  the  one  made  from  the  broken 
propeller,  with  the  band  of  the  fragment  of 
aileron  control,  was  in  my  hand.  It  goes  every- 
where with  me. 

Suddenly — while  in  front  of  a  black  cloth  a 
number  of  girls  were  doing  a  rag-time  dance — I 
saw  you  against  the  blue  morning  sky.  .  .  . 
High  up  against  the  blue  you  were!  ...  I 
saw  the  "Archie-bursts"  around  you.  ...  I  saw 
your  machine  stagger  and  begin  to  spin.  I  saw 
it  spinning — down — down . 

And  when  it  reached  the  ground,  my  heart 
stopped — to  tear  madly  on  again,  for  you  stood 
up,  and  after  saying  "damn"  quietly,  just  once, 
you  fumbled  in  your  pocket  and  brought  out 
your  pipe  and  tobacco  pouch. 

Dear,  the  pain  of  the  blue  morning  sky  over- 
whelmed me,  but  you — you  are  coming  back! 


264     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

LXI 

To-DAY  is  Sunday. 

It  is  two  weeks  now  since  you  went  down. 

This  morning  I  made  my  usual  pilgrimage  to 
the  bicycle  shed  to  say  my  prayer. 

I  ask  the  old  bicycle  to  bring  you  back  again, 
you  know. 

This  happens  very  early. 

As  soon  as  I  wake,  before  I  dress,  I  slip  down- 
stairs and  out  through  the  back  door  and  along 
the  little  passage  leading  to  the  garden — and 
then  I  come  in  and  make  the  morning  tea,  for, 
by  doing  so,  I  keep  every  one  else  in  bed  until 
the  letters  have  arrived. 

To-day  it  was  later.  I  wakened  with  a  start. 
The  hands  of  the  clock  pointed  almost  to  the 
time  when  they  say  you  went  spinning  down. 
Springing  from  bed  I  ran  to  the  kitchen  and  out 
to  the  garden,  and  as  I  went  the  sun  came  from 
behind  a  cloud.  Most  gloriously  it  came — en- 
veloping me  in  a  wondrous  light.  Suddenly  the 
tightness  left  my  heart. 

"He  is  coming  back.  .  .  .  He  is  certain  to 
come  back !"  it  sang.  And  I  waited  there,  drink- 
ing in  the  promise  thirstily  until  my  brain  and 
my  spirit  were  revived. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     265 

Later  we  went  to  chapel. 

It  was  mother's  wish,  of  course.  "If  he's  able 
to  think  at  all,  he'll  picture  us  there  this  morn- 
ing." And  that  stopped  my  hesitation. 

We  looked  so  cheery  and  festive  that  all 
miserable  inquiry  was  squashed.  People  are 
kind,  I  know,  but  many  seem  to  think  it  im- 
proper of  us  not  to  have  red  eyes. 

I  sat  next  to  Dick,  and  showed  him  those 
three  children  who  amused  you  so  much.  He 
bawled  forth  the  hymns  like  you  do,  and  then 
I  opened  the  book  at  a  place  which  said  a  lot 
about  delight  and  blowing  trumpets  and  joy 
coming  after  sorrow.  It  was  lovely,  and  when 
we  went  out  the  day  was  lovely  too. 

To-night  mother  told  us  all  to  go  to  bed. 

When  the  house  was  quiet,  Dick  came  into 
our  room:  and  Joan  and  he  and  I  have  been 
sitting  with  you  in  the  candle-light.  We  felt 
jou  so  much  with  us  and  were  so  merry — in 
whispers. 

Dick  brought  out  a  lot  of  French  cigarettes 
that  had  fallen  into  his  bath  and  had  been  dried 
on  the  cylinder. 

We  talked  of  you  and  Paris  and  St.  Moritz — 
and  of  the  fun  we  shall  have  together  after- 
wards. 


266     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

All  at  once  mother  appeared.  She  was  very 
cross. 

We  felt  guilty  and  extremely  young — but  I 
was  pleased  to  find  that  such  a  trivial  thing  had 
power  to  move  her.  We  all  seem  more  alive  to- 
day. You  must  have  been  ill,  and  now  you  are 
out  of  pain! 

Dear,  we  must  wait.  We  know  we  must  wait, 
and  as  mother  repeats: 

"We  must  go  on  hoping — just  hoping  all  the 
time!" 

For  you  said  when  I  asked  if  you  were  com- 
ing back:  "I'm  certain — quite  certain." 

And  I  was  looking  into  your  eyes  at  the  time. 

You  are  living  for  me,  I  know. 


LXII 

AND  so,  after  all,  this  is  the  end! 

You  who  were  certain  of  coming  back,  and 
I  who  was  certain  of  it,  too,  have  had  to  own 
ourselves  completely  baffled.  On  that  Sunday 
morning  your  life  went  out  "into  the  ether," 
and  you  left  me  here. 

From  higher  than  the  highest  hill  you  came 
spinning  down. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     267 

Your  body,  that  belonged  to  me,  must  have 
made  a  big  hole  in  the  ground. 

And  I,  who  could  have  rendered  living  beau- 
tiful for  you,  even  if  you  had  been  crippled,  or 
disfigured,  or  blinded,  may  not  touch  nor  hear 
nor  see  you  any  more.  My  useless  tears  are 
falling. 

I  can't  believe  that  Life — the  abundant  share 
of  it  which  was  yours — could  finish  utterly;  or 
that  the  individuality  which  made  you  mine 
could  go  back  into  nothingness  again. 

Yet,  if  that  is  not  so,  why  did  you — whose  first 
thought  was  for  me  always — not  come  and  make 
it  known? 

If  anything  that  was  you  still  exists,  why  don't 
you  come  now? 

Why  don't  you  come  and  take  me  too:  or 
promise  that  I  shall  mate  with  you  again? 

Last  night,  in  the  darkness,  I  lay  and  realized 
what  it  means  to  be  alone.  And  I  thought: 
'  ._"When  he  lay  beside  me  before  I  spoke  he 
knew  my  mood.  I  had  no  vaguest  wish  he 
didn't  grant;  no  problem  he  didn't  solve;  no 
pain  he  could  not  soothe.  .  .  .  My  pleasure  was 
his  pleasure;  my  sorrow  he  took  from  me.  .  .  . 
And  now  when  the  greatest  of  all  sorrow  has 
come  through  him,  he  doesn't  speak. 

"That  cannot  be  his  wish. 


268     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"What  does  it  mean?" 

•          •          •          •          •          •          • 

Well,  dear,  that's  over! 

And  now  I'm  going  to  pretend. 

I'm  going  to  pretend  from  this  moment  that 
you  are  alive  and  with  me  all  the  time. 

I'm  going  to  pretend  that  you  never  leave  me 
night  or  day;  that  we  are  as  much  together  as 
we  were  when  I  could  see  and  touch  and  hear 
you. 

If  there  should  be  spells  when  this  is  not  satis- 
factory entirely  we  will  laugh  them  away — or  if 
laughing  doesn't  act  we  will  discuss  them  seri- 
ously as  our  habit  is. 

I've  been  thinking  of  how  many  women  must 
be  feeling  alone  just  now,  and  I  wondering  how 
they  tackle  the  situation. 

Some,  I  suppose,  have  a  definite  religion  to 
see  them  through.  They  will  bow  their  heads 
and  say  to  their  God: 

"Thy  will,  not  mine,  be  done!" 

Others  must  be  rebellious,  and  are  spending 
their  vitality  in  a  fury  of  pain  which  time  will 
wear  down  to  resignation. 

Others,  who  married  because  marriage  hap- 
pened to  come  their  way,  will  find  consolation 
from  expressions  of  sympathy  and  from  the 
dramatic  possibilities  of  mourning. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     269 

Those  who,  like  me,  have  had  to  renounce 
what  made  them  whole — the  some  one  before 
whose  coming  they  were  consciously  incom- 
plete, and  at  whose  coming  they  became  as, 
consciously,  complete, — will  face  the  inevitable 
according  to  their  ability,  until  the  time  comes, 
when  they  too  go  out  into  the  "nothingness"  or 
to  the  "everything"  that  must  come  eventually. 

At  first  they  may  believe — as   I   believed— 
that  nothing  would  do  except  to  follow  at  once 
—at  once:  that  they  must  force  Death  to  pause 
in  his  greedy  harvesting  and  gather  them  too — 
but  a  small  voice  may  whisper  to  them  also: 

"Death  knows  his  own  business.  ...  If  you 
tamper  with  your  Destiny  you  may  miss  him 
whom  you  seek.  ...  It  is  all  too  incompre- 
hensible for  you  to  interfere!" 


LXIII 

"GOOD-MORNING,  Bill! 

You  see  I  say  "Good-morning"  just  as  though 
you  hadn't  been  with  me  all  the  night! 

You  have  been,  of  course;  but  I  shall  chatter 
like  this  on  paper  because  I  can't  go  about 
speaking  out  loud  in  any  other  way — and  you 
know  how  I  love  to  hear  my  own  voice? 


270     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

Such  a  lot  of  things  happened  yesterday,  and 
you  were  with  me  through  them  all. 

I  found  myself  smiling  at  your  remarks — es- 
pecially in  chapel — but  we'll  talk  of  that  in  a 
minute,  for  first  I  must  explain  why  I  don't 
speak  of  how  the  family  are  taking  the  final 
news  of  you.  I  don't  speak  of  it  simply  because 
they  don't  know — because  they  haven't  received 
it. 

The  Odd  Man  wrote  to  me — and  I  simply 
can't  speak  of  it  so  soon!  Before  the  post  came 
I  had  put  the  kettle  on  the  gas,  and  had  been  out 
to  the  bicycle  shed  to  say  my  prayer  for  your  re- 
turn. 

Then,  while  the  kettle  boiled,  I  read  the  let- 
ter; and  afterwards  hid  it  away  in  my  kimono 
sleeve — and  there  you  are! 

Mother  goes  on  "hoping — just  hoping  all  the 
time,"  and  if  you  think  I  ought  to  have  told 
her  you  will  understand  that  these  few  days  be- 
fore the  official  word  comes  can't  make  much 
difference  to  her — and  that  I  must  have  them 
to  myself  to  bury  my  dead.  By  "my  dead"  I 
don't  mean  you,  dear.  You  are  living  for  me 
and  with  me  all  the  while  I  know.  I  mean  the 
idea  of  the  tangible  "you";  for  it  takes  a  little 
while  to  lay  upon  the  altar  of  whatever  power 
there  is  the  something  which  seemed  so  essential 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     271 

to  our  staying  here  at  all— the  body,  the  touch, 
the  kisses,  the  human  presence!  It  takes  a  lit- 
tle while  to  force  our  lips  to  say: 

"Thy  will,  not  mine,  be  done."  Especially 
when  we  don't  know  whose  will  we  mean. 

That's  why  I  guard  my  secret;  why  I  listen 
unmoved  when  they  speak  of  you  as  a  prisoner 
of  war;  when  Joan  comes  home  with  another 
story  of  some  one  whose  husband  or  son  has 
written  after  many  weeks;  or  when  mother  says: 
"We'll  send  him  such  lovely  parcels,  see  if  we 
don't";  or,  "If  we  could  just  see  his  name  on  a 
cheque,  that  would  do  for  us,  wouldn't  it?" 

And  if,  when  I  may  have  failed  to  answer  and 
she  repeats  "Wouldn't  it,  Aimee?"  I  say  "Yes, 
mother!"  it  is  because  I  must;  knowing  all  the 
while  that  no  signature  of  yours  will  be  seen  by 
us  any  more. 

That's  why  I  come  up  here  to  my  attic  to  be 
.alone  with  myself — and  you. 

On  going  downstairs  at  lunch  time  yesterday 
I  found  Mr.  Blair  in  the  dining-room. 

As  a  previous  minister  of  the  chapel  he  had 
traveled  to  make  his  speech  at  the  formal  wel- 
come to  the  new  man,  and  had  come  first  to 
hear  the  latest  news  of  you,  whom  he  chooses  to 
call  "one  of  his  boys." 


272     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

When  Joan  and  dad  and  "the  kid" — who, 
by  the  way,  goes  on,  in  the  back  garden,  play- 
ing at  air-battles  as  though  you  had  not  fought 
your  last;  and  at  artillery  duels  as  though  Dick 
were  not  risking  his  life  in  one  at  this  moment — 
had  gathered  at  the  table,  and  mother  had 
served  the  food  from  her  place  at  the  end,  we 
ate  and  laughed  a  lot  about  nothing,  and  then  I 
went  into  the  kitchen  to  see  to  the  coffee. 

While  it  was  going  through  the  process  of  be- 
ing made  I,  having  done  no  work  except  to 
cover  up  one  bed  and  "brew"  the  morning  tea, 
"washed  up";  and  as  usual,  quite  valiantly  you 
did  your  bit — which  was  to  stand  about  filling 
your  pipe,  urging  me  to  hurry  and  come  and 
have  a  cigarette  instead  of  wasting  time  poking 
about  in  a  pan  of  greasy  water. 

Didn't  I  always  agree  most  heartily  when  you 
vowed  you  never  would  wish  me  to  do  any  house- 
work of  any  sort  whatever — except  to  make 
coffee,  that  being  an  aesthetic  pleasure  to  us  both. 
At  last,  having  carried  in  the  tray  and  handed 
round  the  cups,  I  slipped  away  to  go  up  to  the 
bedroom  where  T  lay  appreciating,  with  you,  the 
humor  and  quaintly  expressed  truth  of  "A 
Knight  on  Wheels,"  by  Tan  Hay. 

You  remember  Dick  wanted  us  to  read  it! 
And  I  knew,  when  you  said  "It's  so  very  sane," 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     273 

that  you  meant  the  way  the  writer  views  life  over 
the  top  of  pre-conceived  ideas. 

Presently  Joan  appeared. 

"Dad's  gone  and  mother's  asleep  and  Mr. 
Blair  wants  you  to  come  and  give  him  a  few 
hints  about  publishers.  .  .  .  He  has  some  writ- 
ing he  wants  to  see  in  print,"  she  announced. 

Lazily  turning  over,  I  answered  into  the  pil- 
low: "Tell  him  I  don't  know  a  thing  about 
publishers.  I've  met  only  one  and  I  don't  know 
anything  about  him  except  that  he  lives  with 
his  mother." 

At  this  Joan  seated  herself  on  the  edge  of 
the  bed.  She's  much  too  wise  to  try  to  coerce 
any  one. 

"I'd  rather  stay  here  myself,  too,"  she  said, 
knowing  quite  well  that  she  would  be  obliged  to 
go  and  talk  if  I  didn't. 

I  knew  it  too  and  yet  I  said : 

"Go  down  and  give  him  the  address  of  the 
man  upon  whose  advice  one  can  rely.  .  .  . 
And  then  come  back  here  as  quickly  as  you 


can." 


Just  as  I  finished  speaking,  darling,  you  inter- 
fered. 

"That's  not  fair,"  you  whispered.  "Besides, 
old  Blair  is  quite  good  fun — not  a  bit  a  preachy 
sort.  .  .  .  And  he  thinks  no  end  of  me" — you 


274     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

added,  with  one  of  your  occasional  touches  of 
self-appreciation. 

After  that  you  can  imagine  it  didn't  take  me 
long  to  hop  out  of  bed.  I  slipped  into  my  dress 
and  powdered  my  nose  and  tidied  my  hair  and 
was  down  in  two  minutes.. 

Mother  lay  dozing  on  the  sofa.  Mr.  Blair 
sat  by  the  grate  smoking  a  cigar  and,  when  Joan 
and  I  had  fitted  ourselves  into  the  big  armchair, 
in  low  voices  we  discussed  books  and  manu- 
scripts and  the  placing  of  work;  and  then  the 
talk  worked  round  to  you. 

"Everything  was  as  easy  as  could  be  to  him," 
said  Mr.  Blair.  "Without  a  bit  of  trouble  he 
just  carried  away  all  the  prizes  at  school — but 
he  never  cared.  .  .  .  We  got  excited,  he 
didn't!" 

"Yes,"  agreed  Joan,  "he  always  seemed  a  bit 
aloof  from  it  all,  in  spite  of  being  so  jolly  and 
all  that." 

As  they  said  this,  darling,  a  wave  of  remem- 
brance of  your  complete  giving  of  all  of  your- 
self came  over  me.  Nothing  you  kept  back- 
nothing  you  held  aloof.  Just  all  of  you  was 
mine  and  all  I  took. 

Now,  as  I  sit  here,  I  recall,  too,  something 
that  occurred  in  our  bedroom  overlooking  the 
golf  links  by  the  sea. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     275 

I  had  spoken  some  half-formed  wonder  that 
you  should  go  on  caring  for  me  as  you  did.  It 
was  just  the  whimsical  statement  of  a  woman 
who  can't  let  well  enough  alone;  for  truly  I 
knew  that  with  our  conception  of  life  and  of 
each  other,  our  union  would  grow  with  the  years. 
Eagerly  you  came  to  me. 

"Dear,  you  are  mine  always,"  you  whispered, 
making  me  meet  your  eyes — and  then  your  voice 
became  more  calm. 

You  held  my  hands: 

"I  should  have  said,"  .  .  .  you  continued 
quietly  and  with  grave  confidence,  .  .  .  "that  / 
am  yours  always — all,  all  yours." 

Well,  to  get  back  to  yesterday,  Bill,  old  boy! 

At  three  o'clock  mother  invited  and  resented 
criticism  upon  the  angle  of  her  hat;  then  went 
with  Mr.  Blair  to  chapel  to  hear  the  first  sermon 
of  the  day. 

"Hurrah!"  cried  Joan  in  the  tone  of  voice 
that  reminds  me  of  you  when,  every  now  and 
then,  you  decided  to  get  a  hundred  seconds  out 
of  a  minute,  "we've  three  hours  and  a  half  all 
to  ourselves.  .  .  .  What  shall  we  do?" 

"Three  hours  and  a  half?"  I  queried. 
"How's  that?"  She  snatched  up  a  leaflet  from 
the  tr.Ue. 


276     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"See  here; — Service,  by  Mr.  What's  his  name 
three  thirty  until  five.  .  .  .  Tea  in  the  school- 
room five  until  six  thirty — nine-pence.  .  .  . 
Fancy  they  can  eat  for  an  hour  and  a  half  for 
ninepence,  and  in  war  time,  too!"  she  rattled  on 
fatuously.  Her  mood  was  infectious,  and  feel- 
ing gloriously  irresponsible  we  rammed  our  hats 
on  our  heads  and  let  of!  steam  by  a  quick  tramp 
over  the  fields:  then,  coming  home  again,  we 
shed  our  outdoor  clothes  and  lounged  about  in 
kimonos,  making  tea  and  collecting  from  tins 
in  the  larder  all  the  nice  things  to  eat. 

We  were  too  late  for  the  second  service,  of 
course,  and  the  ministers,  who  were  to  address 
us,  already  filled  the  place  where  the  choir  usu- 
ally sits,  under  the  pulpit  facing  the  congrega- 
tion. 

With  them  was  the  mayor  who,  after  a  few 
jokes  and  a  few  sensible  remarks  about  the  prac- 
tical side  of  religion,  apologized  for  handing  the 
chair  over  to  a  deputy — because  he  had  to  at- 
tend several  other  meetings  in  the  town. 

When  he  had  trotted  away  and  when  the 
vestry  door  had  closed  upon  him,  the  deputy 
introduced  another  "brother,"  who  stood  up 
and,  rather  unexpectedly,  began  to  pray. 

I  couldn't  decide  whether  to  kneel  or  not,  so, 
as  there  was  nothing  to  kneel  upon  and  I  was 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     277 

wearing  the  costume  you  like  so  much,  I  just 
leant  my  forehead  against  the  edge  of  the  pew 
in  front  and  talked  to  you. 

The  brother's  voice  was  oddly  pitched,  and 
he  played  about  with  some  of  his  words  and  once 
you  exclaimed:  "Oh,  fids!"  which  made  me 
giggle,  and  at  that  the  woman  in  front  sat  up  and 
nearly  knocked  my  hat  off. 

You  see,  we  had  a  tolerably  exciting  time. 

Then,  darling,  the  girl  with  the  contralto 
voice  went  on  to  the  platform  and  sang.  To  the 
accompaniment  of  the  organ  she  put  her  heart 
and  soul  and  all  her  lovely  tenderness  into  her 
song. 

We  were  close  together,  dear  heart — and  when 
she  finished  with  "Ships  that  pass  in  the  night," 
I  held  you  very  firmly,  for  we  didn't  just  "speak 
each  other  in  passing,"  did  we?  < 

We  became  one,  and  you  are  with  me  ever- 
more, 

A  thought  has  just  whispered  to  me  that  when 
I  die  you  will  be  waiting,  as  you  did  at  the  mar- 
riage office;  and  you'll  come  forward,  as  you  did 
then — so  eagerly  and  tenderly — and  you  will 
take  my  hands  and  say  "Aimee." 

Oh,  I  wish  Death  would  hurry  and  come  this 
way!  One  extra  couldn't  make  much  differ- 
ence to  him  when  he  is  taking  such  crowds  and 


278     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

crowds.  And  if  he  must  have  an  exact  num- 
ber, couldn't  you  persuade  him  to  spare  some 
one  who  wishes  to  stay  here,  and  to  take  me  in- 
stead? 

Couldn't  you  go  to  him  and  say :  "Look  here, 
old  man,  I've  left  my  wife  across  there.  I  don't 
want  her  to  think  I've  forgotten  about  her. 
Perhaps  you  wouldn't  mind  just  putting  back 
your  old  skiff  a  moment — and  if  there's  any- 
thing we  can  do  for  you,  don't  mind  asking!" 

If  he's  a  decent  sort  at  all,  Bill,  that  should 
be  enough;  but  if  he  seems  inclined  to  stand 
on  his  hind — I  mean,  on  his  dignity — just  say 
"Sir"  instead  of  "old  man,"  and  perhaps  "ferry 
boat"  or  "launch"  instead  of  "old  skiff." 

There's  no  sense  in  getting  his  back  up  and 
taking  any  risks. 

I'm  not  grousing,  Bill.  It's  only  a  suggestion, 
and  if  it  doesn't  meet  with  your  approval,  I'm 
ready  to  admit  that  you  were  right  most  times. 
If  you  decide  that  there  are  things  to  be  done 
here  for  a  while,  I'll  stand  to  all  right,  you 

know. 

•          •••••• 

But  all  this  time  I'm  trying  to  tell  you  that 
the  meeting  at  least  gave  me  an  insight -into 
the  "other  person's"  point  of  view,  for  I  heard 
enough  to  convince  me  that  while  I  could  find 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     279 

a  God  more  easily  up  here  in  my  attic  with  you, 
or  out  in  the  country  where  the  sun  shines  and 
the  wind  blows,  some  can  get  beyond  what  seems 
to  me  a  muddle  of  words  that  hinder  thought 
rather  than  develop  it.  When  a  minister  said, 
with  an  earnest  wish  to  spread  his  conviction: 

"God  is  in  Heaven,"  I  wanted  to  ask,  just  to 
begin  with : 

"Is  God  like  Bill?"  For  really  when  you 
come  to  sift  it  out  the  only  God  any  of  us  can 
understand  is  our  Most  Beloved,  and  the  only 
Heaven  any  of  us  desire  is  to  be  with  our  Most 
Beloved  without  fear  of  parting  or  of  love  be- 
coming less. 

Can  any  of  us,  with  our  human  comprehen- 
sion, get  beyond  that? 


LXIV 

LAST  evening  when  Joan  and  I  returned  from 
a  long  tramp  over  the  high  fields  against  a  stiff 
wind,  mother,  who  had  been  baking  bread  and 
now  stood  at  the  kitchen  table,  said : 

"Dad's  in  the  dining-room." 

"Alone,"  said  Joan,  briskly. 

"No,"  he's  not  alone.  .  .  .  He's  with  " 


280     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"Oh,  I  know!  With  old  Methuselah  what's- 
his-name!" 

"Now,  Joan,"  censured  mother,  "don't  you 
be  so  quick.  You're  too  brisk  by  far  now-a- 
days.  You  don't  know  who  dad's  with,  so  let 
me  speak  I" 

"Sorry,  mother,"  said  Joan,  giving  her  a 
jaunty  kiss.  "Go  ahead!  Who  is  it?" 

"You're  so  quick,  you  never  let  me  open  my 
mouth,"  continued  mother,  quite  aggrieved  and 
unable  to  proceed. 

Joan  smiled  at  her  and  going  to  the  sink  be- 
gan to  pull  a  lettuce  to  pieces  without  waiting 
to  take  off  her  hat. 

"There  you  go,  and  you'll  spoil  that  skirt, 
too,"  chided  mother  seeing  her  unrepentant. 

"All  right,  I'll  cover  it  up,"  said  Joan  agree- 
ably, unhooking  an  apron  from  the  peg,  and 
adding,  as  she  did  so,  "I'm  sure  I  don't  care 
who's  in  the  dining-room.  .  .  .  I'm  hungry.  I 
want  some  food." 

At  this,  perversely,  after  a  little  pause,  mother 
said: 

"It's  the  man  who  was  in  Paris  for  a  fort- 
night— the  one  Bill  showed  round." 

Suddenly  Joan  stopped  splashing  the  lettuce 
leaves,  and  began  to  laugh. 


MY  AIR'MAN  OVER  THERE     281 

"Oh,  Aimee,"  she  cried,  "it's  that  man  who 
went  from  here!  .  .  .  The  one  dad  gave  Bill's 
address  to.  You  remember  I  told  you.  Bill 
wrote  home:  'What  on  earth  have  you  sent 
out  this  time?  He  doesn't  smoke  or  drink;  he 
doesn't  like  music  or  theaters — and  he's  never 
spoken  to  a  woman  in  his  life!1 ' 

And  I  wrote  back  on  a  postcard:  "Don't 
bother  about  the  man.  He's  no  special  pal  of 


ours." 


And,  of  course,  Bill  left  it  lying  about,  and 
the  man  may  have  read  it,  for  one  day  he  handed 
it  to  him  saying,  "This  is  yours,  I  think!" 

•  ••••• 

But  here  again,  Bill,  I  had  an  insight  into  the 
other  person's  point  of  view,  for  when,  after 
supper,  we  went  into  the  dining-room  to  please 
mother,  the  man,  with  a  break  in  his  voice,  spoke 
of  his  time  in  Paris  as  the  happiest  of  his  life. 

You  were  so  good  to  him,  he  said. 
__    Being  un-adventurous  he  mentioned  with  awe 
your  airy  disregard  of  most  things — especially 
your  own  safety. 

"He  had  so  many  narrow  escapes,"  he  fin- 
ished, wishing  to  comfort  us  in  our  anxiety: 
"He'll  come  out  of  this  all  right,  you'll  see. 
He's  such  a  lucky  chap." 


282     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

"Well,  that's  what  we  believe,"  said  mother. 
"We're  hoping  for  the  best.  .  .  .  We're  just 
going  on  hoping  all  the  time." 

Then  it  was,  dear,  that  I  wanted  to  say  quite 
calmly:  "He's  lucky  still.  .  .  .  He's  dead." 
But  the  words  didn't  come;  and  realizing  that 
I  had  done,  as  usual,  less  than  my  share  of  house- 
work that  day  I  rose  and  went  into  the  kitchen 
to  wash  the  supper  dishes. 

I've  been  to  the  dentist. 

If  you've  got  to  stay  on  this  planet  you  can  do 
it  more  pleasantly  without  a  hole  in  your  tooth, 
can't  you? 

After  gagging  my  mouth  and  putting  that 
grinding  thing  right  into  the  roots  of  my  head, 
he  said,  working  away  at  the  wheel : 

"Now,  just  raise  your  left  hand  if  I  hurt 
you!" 

I  thought: 

"My  son,  it  would  take  more  than  this  to  make 
me  sing  out  now-a-days.  .  .  .  I'm  fireproof, 
more  or  less." 

But  I  daresay  if  he  had  been  too  familiar  with 
a  pet  nerve  it  would  have  been  just  as  hateful  as 
it  used  to  be. 

Life's  rather  amusing — taking  it  all  round. 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     283 


LXV 

BEYOND  doubt  the  greatest  difficulty  is  mother. 

Mothers,  it  seems,  have  no  interests  of  their 
own.  They  see  life  through  their  children,  and 
what  happens  when,  as  now,  their  children  go 
away  and  come  again  no  more. 

What  can  we  do  for  them? 

I,  Bill  dear,  feel  very  helpless.  I'm  so  impa- 
tient, too.  Always  I  have  wanted  other  people's 
way  to  be  my  way — and  not  mine  theirs. 

Small  restrictions  irritate  me  to  impatience — 
and  yet  one  must  be  above  impatience,  of  course. 

Because  of  this  irritation  in  myself  I  find  it 
perilous  to  talk  below  the  surface  of  things  to 
mothers.  My  tone,  and  the  fact  that  they  are 
unaccustomed  to  argument,  make  discussion 
seem  like  a  personal  attack.  And  yet  I  know 
of  no  way  to  friendship  except  discussion,  and 
without  friendship  how  can  one  be  of  use? 

I  wish  I  had  your  big  calm  way.  Perhaps  if 
I  pretend  enough  that  you  are  expressing  your- 
self through  me  I  may  conquer  my  futility. 

, 

Yesterday  we  went  into  the  park. 
"Thar,"  said  mother,  nodding  toward  a  circle 
of  grass,   "used  to  be  a  cricket  ground,  ,  ,  . 


284     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

Many  a  time  we  spent  an  afternoon  here,  before 
the  war,  watching  them  play.  .  .  .  We  had 
county  matches  and  all,  you  know,"  she  finished, 
so  that  I  shouldn't  imagine  it  to  have  been 
merely  a  provincial  playing  field. 

When  we  had  admired  the  circle  of  cultivated 
grass,  and  walked  on  again  in  the  sunshine  she 
continued: 

"You  should  have  seen  them — how  lovely  they 
looked  in  their  white  clothes  against  the  green 
all  round!" 

Overjoyed  by  the  picture  she  visualized — of 
the  players  with  their  alert  bodies  springing  up- 
ward to  catch  a  ball;  or  running  and  bending 
with  the  grace  that  balanced  muscular  develop- 
ment gives — I  smiled,  and  was  smiling  still  when 
she  cried  in  a  voice  full  of  rebellion: 

"It's  a  shame — it's  a  dreadful  shame  to  think 
of  so  many  of  them  killed  and  gone!" 

I  traced  a  pattern  on  the  ground  with  your 
stick,  Bill,  dear;  and  I  answered,  musingly,  un- 
guardedly: 

"I  don't  know.  ...  Is  it  a  shame?" 

Incredulously  she  turned  to  me. 

"Not  a  shame.  .  .  .  And  them  so  young  and 
full  of  health?" 

Having  started  I  went  on : 

"Death  has  to  come  some  time.  It  must 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     285 

be  lovely  to  die  when  you're  most  full  of  life," 
I  said. 

"But  do  you  think  they  would  have  chosen  to 
die?  .  .  .  They  who  could  have  lived  many  a 
happy  year!"  she  persisted,  hardly  crediting  my 
words,  I  think. 

I  answered: 

"No  one  chooses  to  die — or  very  few  of  us; 
but  who  is  to  say  that  the  years  would  have 
brought  happiness  to  them?  ...  It  isn't  cer- 
tain, is  it?" 

Mother  seated  herself  on  the  bench  beside 
which  we  had  stood. 

"Then  you  don't  think  this  war  is  a  terrible 
thing?"  she  asked. 

Quickly  I  answered  her,  able  to  agree  at  last. 

"I  think  war  is  a  senseless  and  horrible  mis- 
take—and I  think  if  there  is  a  God  he  must  weep 
for  pur  stupidity.  .  .  .  But  it's  us  who  are  to 
be  pitied,  isn't  it — not  those  who  are  dead,"  I 
--said. 

Mothers  are  so  very  sweet — and  so  pathetic. 
I  wish  we  could  help  them! 

LXVI 

BILL  dear,  last  night  I  felt  wonderfully  happy. 
Joan  was  asleep.     I  had  been  reading,  and 


286     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

afterwards,  in  the  darkness,  had  no  wish  for 
sleep. 

You  were  with  me.  I  was  content.  How 
can  I  explain  it? 

Not  many  days  and  nights  ago  I  cringed  from 
the  very  suggestion  that  you  might  not  come  to 
me  again  as  I  had  known  you  hitherto. 

That  you  could  be  with  me  after  I  no  longer 
could  touch  your  body  or  hear  your  voice  seemed 
too  incredible  to  bring  even  the  vaguest  sense  of 
comfort. 

I  felt  too  forlorn — too  alone. 

Now,  without  reason,  beyond  all  argument 
even  of  my  own  making,  I  know  that  you  are 
mine,  that  you  are  me,  more  completely  than 
when  I  lay  in  your  arms  breathing  your  very 
breath. 

On  looking  back  it  seems  that  upon  our  most 
holy  moments  there  fell  a  shadow — a  shadow 
cast  by  the  knowledge  of  human  chance  and 
change;  of  partings  and  vague  fears. 

We  two  faced  living  with  so  much  to  make 
us  courageous  and  buoyant — but  I,  for  one,  was 
afraid. 

I  was  afraid  of  Sorrow. 

I  would  have  gone  a  long  way  round  to  escape 
meeting  Sorrow  face  to  face. 

And  now  that  he  has  taken  me  by  both  hands 


MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE     287 

and  has  forced  me  to  stand  and  meet  his  gaze, 
I  find  I  am  looking  into  your  eyes;  that  it  is  you 
who  hold  my  hands;  you  who  whisper  that  you 
will  go  with  me  to  the  end  of  this  earthly  jour- 
ney helping  me  to  fulfill  the  tasks  that  destiny 
has  pre-arranged;  that  it  is  you  who  will  gather 
me  into  your  being  when  the  last  task  is  done. 

You  are  God  now,  for  your  human  body  has 
released  your  spirit  that  is  one  with  the  great 
spirit  of  Love. 

Oh,  I  realize  acutely  the  limitation  of  words. 
I  see  why  symbols,  worn  out  and  ill-conceived, 
are  voiced  by  those  who  would  give  spiritual 
guidance  to  others  who  grope  with  Reason  for  a 
light  in  their  blindness! 

There  are  no  words.  The  revelation  is  be- 
yond speech.  Neither  music  nor  sunshine,  nor 
the  wind  on  a  mountain,  could  convey  the  joy 
of  it. 

That  is  a  pity — for  just  now  so  many  beat  their 
-unseeing  eyes  as  I  beat  mine  a  short  while  ago, 
and  I  would  like  to  share  my  faith. 

But  what  do  you  whisper? 

"Let  all,  when  they  must,  meet  sorrow  face  to 
face.  .  .  .  Let  them  stand  as  you  stood,  blinded 
by  tears — and  when  the  tears  are  passed  they 
shall  see,  and  have  no  more  fear.  ...  In  the 
meantime  let  your  love,  your  happy  love,  reveal 


288     MY  AIRMAN  OVER  THERE 

that  we  who  are  dead  are  living  with  you  all,  all 
the  while.  .  .  .  Just  carry  on.  ...  We'll  see 
you  through." 
Thank  you,  Bill. 


There  is  no  death  but  forgetfulness; 
everything  that  has  loved  and  has 
loved  to  the  end  will  meet  again 

MAZZINI 


THE  END 


3.T 


B«*s>»£SS33SK 


000121658 


